Trixie pranced around her new apartment gleefully. She spoke to herself softly, "Maybe Luna can teach me enough to make Mom proud." She hung her robe and wizard hat on the hook by her bed. "I suppose I should start settling in." She pulled her sheets out of the bag she picked up from her parents' house and struggled for a few minutes to make her bed, eventually succeeding.
She stood back and admired her new room. It was small, but quaint. The violet walls really fit in with her sheets, the same pattern as her clothes. She laid down in her bed, and snuggled up to her pillow to sleep.
Sleep came quickly, but dreams did not. She slumbered hours before dreams came, but they were worth it when they did. Dreams came filled with magic and sorcery. Trixie was engulfed in a show, one for hundreds upon hundreds of ponies. Energy oozed from her horn with each "Oooh" and "Aaah" the audience put forth. The energy of the crowd excited her.
Back in the real world, her real horn glowed with magic throughout the dream. She smiled in her sleep, and snuggled deeper into her pillow. Sparks of magic flew off of her horn, and she began to toss and turn.
In the realm of her once-pleasant dreams, the show had taken a turn for the worse. A spell had backfired and the stage was on fire. As she frantically tried to conjure water to put it out, the audience booed and yelled.
They yelled things like "Some great and powerful unicorn you are!" and "Get off the stage!".
Trixie awoke panting and sweating. She curled up and sighed. "It was such a good dream..."
A bit on the short side, but the story has a bit of potential I would say.
I don't have lots of experience of my own or anything, but as a reader I would mention that you portrayed Luna good enough, but trixie seems well... not trixie enough, the angst and remorse fit in the context, but keeping her manner of speaking atleast would make it easier to really link the character to the trixie persona...
If you don't mind me saying.
Cheers!
The only thing that needs to be fixed is the length, but still a good story could come out of it.
interesting story plot
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lr6mm5dMCG1qafrh6.jpg
Oooh Luna with Trixie under her wing...I like where this is going.
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Oh, don't worry. This is not all of it in the slightest. There is a lot more to come, I just wanted to publish it to get an initial reaction so I could know how well it was going so far.
So Trixie is going to become great and powerful for real now? Awesome!