Sometimes I forget I have the social skills equivalent of a dried up worm on the edge of the sidewalk.
Deep in the bowels of space, there lived a giant jellyfish that went on a shopping trip. But after eating a questionable amount of plutonium, he finds himself trapped on top of Ponyville with a tummy ache. Now he must sit around and wait for his stomach to settle. Maybe he’ll even try to avoid criticism from a cynical audience!
[Written for the 2014 Equestria Daily Outside Insight Summer Fanfic Contest]
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The Flash Sentry joke felt forced, but this was otherwise fun. I gotta say though, pink and magenta? Spike had a kid with Pinkie?
4875258 Shame, I liked that joke. Ah well, they can't all be good.
4892672
The stairs joke was far better. :B
Okay, bear in mind this is one person's (unprofessional) opinion and should be taken as such. (And not to mention that humor is subjective, so take this as you will)
(Although the stairs bit was a bit of a trip, pun very well intended. 
) Personally, if you're going to try to be funny, you have to get into a situation that can't help but be funny. (Or have tons of witty snark, and who doesn't love that.)
I have reservations about any work that is labeled 'Comedy' due to the fear that it will try too hard to be funny. Sadly, in this case, I'm proven right.
Although, on a side note, I like the story within a story concept. I plan on using it as a history/world builder side story on a project of my own.And as far as writing style and grammatical concerns go, I give it top ratings.
On the whole: I don't like it, but I could see how others might and concede that it was well written.
4917506 They say that good comedy takes practice. That's what I view this fic as, practice. So any critique in that department is apreciated. Don't get me wrong, I'm still proud of this story, as anyone should be of their work. But to be honest, it was rush job so I didn't go through an editor. Maybe that would have helped a bit. I do apreciate any critique, so thank you for it.
Yes.
Just straight-up, unadulterated yes.
4940541 It was fun writing.
Hahahahahahaaa. Ahem, sorry. Childhood beliefs are just so adorable.
Very nice, good to see Spike is having fun with his kids.
4943451 Hey, if the joke worked.
4944218 Worked like a charm.
Silene wasn't being serious about pony subjugation, was she? Does she know what Twilight is to Spike?
4968747 I saw her as being influenced by her friends in whatever the dragon equivilent of the schoolyard is, who don't have pony influencing them like Spike did. He tries to guide her to a more friendly viewpoint, but it doesn't seem to be working.
4970362
Oh jeez. I hope it's just a phase. Seeing her talk about that when in the rest of the story she's shown to be the straight foil to her dopey dad was really jarring.
4970514 It does give her character I bit of extra depth. You get the straight man in comedy all the time, so that scene reverses their roles for a moment, and adds a bit of depth. Although, I was just using her to poke fun at my own writing for most of the story.
4972595
That makes sense, though I have to say I'm now more interested in a story about this unfortunate prejudice of hers and how Spike would handle it than I am about the jellyfish story.
4972646 Now you have me thinking of some new things to write into a story I was considering to write a while back. I might do it in a couple months, but right now I have two other stories I want to finish in the next few weeks. Great, now you have my mind distracted from those other stories/
SUPER not what I was expecting. I thought I was getting into a story just a tad bit more serious than that. Was not prepared for that degree of wacky humor.
9387181
Huh. I forgot what this story existed.