Trucks in Equestria

by 35RatRod

Friends and Dreams

"Hey Road Kill got yer ears on?" I heard on the radio.

"10-4 Redneck. Was ist der scheiß?"

"Don't tell me y'all are goin on the suicide run with those."

"We were told that a few truckers were starting to refuse the Kulluk runs so we decided to give it a shot. Besides those boys are desperate for fuel so they don't freeze."

"Y'all be danmed careful. Ever since it ran a ground a few years ago, almost every truck to go out hasn't come back . They go in the drink either goin out or comin back."

10-4 Redneck. We'll take as easy as we can."

"That's what Brain Damage and Toetag said before they went in the drink a week ago," said Redneck.

"Son. Of. A. Whore. Did either of them survive"

"Yes Toetag made it... lost the truck, but he made it... Brain Damage went down with his truck. Last I heard Toetag was in the hospital in Fairbanks. They said that he kept going on about a truck that came out of nowhere. He called it the Chariot of Death."

'Thanks Redneck. I'll send him your regards. I'll catch you on the flip flop."

Riiiing...Riiiing...Ring. "Fairbanks medical center. How may I direct your call?"

"Yes I'm looking for a patient that came in a week ago. He goes by Toetag. He came in on the expressway."

"I'm sorry sir. I don't see anyone listed by that name."

"Try Jerry N. Riggs."

"You just missed him he was transferred to Providence Medical Center Anchorage yesterday."

"Thank you much. Have a great day." Click. "Son, of. A . FUCKING. BITCH!" I yelled to no one in particular.

"Pipe Swallower. You out there?" I asked over the radio, hoping that she hadn't started her back haul yet.

"Hey Road Kill. What did you need?"

"Have you left Prudhoe yet?"

"No. Why do you ask?" She asked with a hint of concern in her voice.

"Just meet me at the choke and puke before you leave. I'll even throw in a tall cup of mud for the road."

"Ok. I'll be there in 10."

"Road Kill... Road Kill... Wakey wakey, hands off snakey..."

I came to with Mad Man standing over me with a concerned look on his face. "Mad Man I don't think we're alone here in this world. I think Brain Damage and a few others may be out there."

"And just what makes you say..." Just then he was cut off by the radio.

"Ro...ill...ad man... you...there anyone ans... please. Need... edic...elp.

Mad Man grabbed the mic. "Don't worry we'll find you. Just sit tight, what's your 20?!"

"In a forest...BANG mo...sters...lion...th wings attack... BANG, BANG...BANG." I pushed Mad Man out of my way when I heard the shots through the radio.

"Lulu it's time to fly, a good friend desperately needs our help. Mad Man gear up for the worst." Before my hand reached the key Lunaris' engine screamed to life. She sprayed grass, rocks, and dirt as she spun around and raced to the forest.

There was a purple flash and a loud pop as Twilight appeared in the passenger seat. "What's going on?" She looked at the speedometer that was now reading 45 M.P.H. and rapidly climbing. "So what's the rush?"

Mad Man found that was the perfect time to make his presence known. "We just heard from one of our friends over the radio."- Twilight just nodded and motioning for him to continue. -"He was being attacked by a lion with wings."

We continued down a dirt road until it became too narrow for the truck. Mad Man and I grabbed a shot gun and a large rifle and got out. We heard a couple more shots about a hundred yards out. I looked to my friend putting my spare hand on his shoulder. "Lion. That's what's for dinner tonight."

"Are you insane!? That's not a lion, that's a manticore!"

I calmly patted my rifle. "That's what this is for." We heard a snarl and we ran to go help our friend. As soon as the monstrosity of a creature came into view it was too late. It had just stabbed Brain Damage in the chest with its sharp tail. We froze for a second, then we raised our guns and pulled the trigger, watching its neck and tail pop like a balloon.

We rushed over and saw him laying in a pool of his own blood and gasping for air. As we knelt down next to him he put a hand on our cheek. "You two... boys take... good care of... Rose Blossom. And remember... keep the shiny... side up... and the dirty side... down."

"And we'll catch you on the flip flop." I said with tears running down our cheeks. A moment later his body went limp as he gave up the ghost.

I picked up our lifeless friend and began walking back to the truck when Twilight came into view. "Did you make it in time?" I just shook my head with tears in my eyes. "Is there anything we can do to help?"

"Just help Mad Man take the manticore to the truck. And do you know where we can cremate the body?"

"Why not just bury him? And what are you going to do with the manticore?" She asked lifting the beast with her magic watching its head dangle by just a little bit of muscle and fur.

"Because that's not what he wants, and we're going to eat the beast." I watched her grimace at the thought of it. "Don't worry we usually don't eat animals that can talk."

When we got back to Lunaris we gutted and cleaned what was left of the manticore on her headache rack. We were about to head back to town when Twilight got my attention. "Was there anypony in the other truck?"

"No he's in the hospital in Anchorage. We're coming back later and removing some trees." She gave me a questioning look. "So we can get the trucks out. Besides I want to see how many other trucks are here."

a couple hours later we had our friend sent off to the other side. Before Applejack came over to where we had the fire. "Y'all okay? Ah heard what happened to your friend."

"We will be. He wants us to go get his truck." Mad Man said pointing to the forest. "By chance do you have a saw we could borrow for a day or two

"Better yet, would y'all like some help? We got nutin else better ta do." That's when she noticed the dead animal on the back of Lunaris as it was being skinned. "WHAT... IS... THAT?!" She asked with a hand over her mouth in an effort to keep from saying 'ralf'.

"Dinner. You want some?" Mad Man asked pushing Applejack over the edge she threw up.

"Sure what's on the menu?" A little baby dragon asked.

"I DON'T THINK SO SPIKE!" Twilight yelled

"Why not? What's for dinner?" He asked confused before he saw the skinned animal.

Mad Man found that as the perfect opportunity to get his attention. "Good ol' dead animal."- He said as he carved off a couple of good sized steaks. -"Just what a growing dragon needs." Twilight glared at him.

"Please Twilight, can I try some?" Spike asked looking at the raw flesh.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! I WON'T ALLOW IT!" Twilight continued.

"Fiiine. Twilight you win. I'll eat when we get home." Spike said hanging his head.

"Oh come on Twilight. He's a DRAGON for Petes sake. Dragons are Carnivores!"- I said while rubbing in a few seasonings. -"They need to eat meat."

"The answer is still no!" Twilight said before storming off with poor Spike in tow.

Someones nickers are in a twist. "Just carve off about ten or twelve strips 6-8 inches wide and about as thin as you can get."

"Ten or twelve strips apiece or total?" He asked knowing what they were for. "And where are we going to cure all this anyway?"

"I have a few spots in mind. Speaking of which an overgrown prickly pear just finished yesterday. You want some?" Mad Man nodded eagerly. I turned to Applejack who looked confused. "How about you Applejack?"

"Uh... no thanks. I'm... not sure... I could eat right now." She started walking up to the farmhouse. "I'll be inside if y'all need anything."

The two of us sat there enjoying our meal alone. "How many other trucks do you think are out there Fred?"

"I don't know Tonio. But what makes you say that there are?"

"Just a conversation I had with Redneck and Pipe Swallower before we left."

"What did they say?"

"That the Kulluk run was suicide. Pipe Swallower said that Toetag kept going on about a truck that came out of nowhere driving impossibly fast for the ice. He described as being a dark crimson with jet black fenders, kerosene lanterns for headlights, and shooting fire three feet out of both stacks."

"Fuhrmann des Todes. I knew that we were going into the drink as soon as I saw it." He looked me in the eyes. "We may be in a land of humanoid ponies, but we still live to die another day."

"Well it's getting late. Gutenacht." I put the strips of manticore meat on the drying racks under the hood and under my sleeper to cure over night.

"Will you let me run you at a medium idle all night, huh Lulu?" I asked while a set her idle at 900 rpm.

"Very well if I must. Now get some sleep. Thou has a lot of work on the morrow."

"Danke schön. Gutenacht meine liebe."

"Goodnight, sleep well." Once she said that I let unconsciousness take hold.

*****

Meanwhile in Canterlot Princess Luna was dream walking, all was well except for one. She recognized the filly in the dream as they were bombarded with a wall of sound as a large metal beast came into view. Then it spoke. "You're going to be road kill just like your precious scooter!" It was too late Luna was ripped from the nightmare as the host woke up. She looked around her world of dreams for clues as to what that beast was. After a few minutes of searching Luna found a happier dream.

I hid in the shadows and watched the filly she recognized from Ponyville standing next to a similar beast and talking with a strange creature. "So are ya gonna teach me how tah drive, huh Road Kill?" The filly asked with much enthusiasm. Road kill, how was the other filly going to become another creature called road kill?

"No I have too much to do today." The creature said as the filly began to pout. Noteworthy tactic, but hardly effective in most cases. "Ok. Fine you can watch while I explain the basics. But in the meantime I'm running late for a meeting with Twilight in town."

After I observed a few other dreams with the creature Road Kill I thought it was time to meet it. In a few days a letter will be sent to Twilight Sparkle.

Dear Twilight,

Based on a few dreams concerning Road Kill, Luna and I would like to make his acquaintance. The train tickets enclosed are valid any time.

Hope to see you soon.
Celestia and luna.

Author's Note:

Fuhrmann des Todes - Chariot of Death
Was ist der scheiß? - What's the poop?

Comments

[Hatty_Hattington]

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:
OUR PROTAGONISTS

Mad Man
images.sodahead.com/polls/001779427/4617172033_stupid_face_answer_1_xlarge.jpeg

And Road Kill
media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/db/96/f5/db96f52db509879e0a42a2515cfb8b84.jpg