It all started as a normal day in Prudhoe Bay. It was a warm morning. There was a 'heat wave' rolling through, it was 10°F above. The northern lights were especially bright that morning as we inspected Lunaris and Raritas for the drive ahead. Mad Man and I each had two cans of dieselfuel, to be delivered to the off shore oil rig, Kulluk, on the Beaufort Sea.
"Hey Mad Man, you got your ears on?" I asked over the radio.
"10-Rodger," said Mad Man. "How are the rug rats of yours doing?
"They're doing well, I miss them a lot though." I said in a somber tone. "Speaking of which. When are you gonna settle down with a little woman?"
"I'm not sure. Right now I don't think I'm ready to go through what you did with Lunaris, with Raritas. At least not yet."
"Well I'll tell you now, it's well worth it. It'll be hard... but very much worth it."
"Road Kill, let us stop for some motion lotion before we head out over the ocean. Oh by the way, Lunaris owes Raritas an apology for the black eye she gave her yesterday."
"10-4. I'll tell her. Besides she could use a little go go juice as well before we get these rolling refineries moving."
"Lulu, its not nice to throw rocks at Rarity," I said to my truck. "You need to apologize for giving her a black eye yesterday." Just then Lunaris shuddered in response. "Luna, I know you didn't mean to. But you still need to.-" She shuddered again a little harder. "-Lunaris, I know the rear trailer is rather rude and likes to throw things. But please be the bigger person and apologize anyway.-" Luna then tried to throw me out of the seat. "-I'll make it up to you later." Just then a strange message appeared on my information screen
"Fine. Thou OWEST ME," She said. "Have them take the lead, I SHALL NOT... be accused for another black eye."
"Very well," I said. "What exactly are your demands?"
"Thou shalt hand wash me, hand polish all of mine chrome, and a nice deep waxing should do the trick."
"Anything else?" I asked hoping that was the end of the list. There are days I swear she's just as bad as Raritas. I thought.
"That tis all for now," she said.
"Mad Man, Luna wants you to have the front door."
"10-4. You just keep the bears off our backs then."
"10-Roger. Lets get cookin'," I said. "It's about a five hour trip out, four hours to unload, and another five hours back.
"It's clean and green the whole way. So lets drop the hammer and get the hell outta here!"
"10-4," said Mad Man.
About four hours into our trek across the sea Mad Man saw another truck barreling right for us.
"SLOW DOWN YOU DIRTY-ROTTEN SON OF A BITCH!" That was the last thing I heard before thinking that this was the end of the road.
*****
That morning Fluttershy was tending to her garden when she heard an unusual sound coming from just inside the Everfree. Just as she decided to go investigate two large beasts emerged from the forest belching thick black smoke as they moved along. Not knowing what else to do, she flew off as fast as her wings would carry her to warn the others. "TWILIGHT COME QUICK! MONSTERS! EVERFREE FOREST! SMOKE!" Fluttershy screamed as she tried to catch her breath. Twilight looked toward where Fluttershy came from to see two thick black clouds of smoke quickly approaching.
"Fluttershy are you all right?" Twilight asked the timid pegasus as the first beast came into view. A couple minutes later the two beasts stopped in front of them one right next the other; with a loud hiss causing Fluttershy to faint from fear. Twilight noticed that when the beasts stopped moving, they stopped belching smoke but continued to growl.
They were almost identical except for the colors. The first one was a snow white, its snout looked like it was on fire with royal purple and sapphire blue flames, and in the center of three of its legs was a sapphire blue diamond. The other one was pitch black, with a midnight blue snout that was dotted with every constellation imaginable and then some, and on its legs it had a different stage of the moon. Both beasts had two large silver horns that belched thick black smoke, a silver nose, a large silver chin that almost dragged on the ground, and had a countless number of eyes that glowed. Their eyes were white, orange, and red. They could also move faster than any pony could run. After a moment the beasts went quiet and two creatures stepped out and down to the ground.
*****
Suddenly the ice we were driving on suddenly broke open swallowing our trucks whole. However something was extremely strange. As our hands touched the door handles instead of plunging into freezing water to our potential deaths, we gently rolled onto a forest road and the CB went deathly quiet.
I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead. I'm deeeaaaad. I thought. Now for the million dollar question. Is this Heaven, or Hell? I read the outside thermometer in my truck, which said it was 55°F. "Hey Mad Man, you dead? Cause I think I am." I said over the radio.
"Negatory, no need for 10-95 here, but I'll take a 10-100," said Mad Man.
"10-4, after that drop I need one as well. By chance, do ya see a town ahead?"
"10-Roger. I just hope the county mounty ain't a royal pain in the ass."
"That's a big 10-4. Now if we are dead. Do you think this is Heaven or Hell?"
"For right now I don't know. But I think it may be the first layer of Hell.
" Don't know for sure just yet. but either way we can try to find us some new seat covers!" He said with much enthusiasm.
"Speak for yourself Mad Man, I'm still taken." For now... that is if she don't think I'm dead. Just as that thought raced through my mind a small town came into view. "I don't think we'll have a problem with the county mounty, cause I don't think there's even a single four wheeler here that can move on its own. Let alone a bubblegum machine."
"Road Kill, I think you're right. I think we just rolled into an old ghost town. The only things I see are old buildings and carts.
"The animals here are very strange though." Mad Man said.
With that we came to a stop in front of two bipedal creatures, they looked almost human. The first one had a pair of wings, it was yellow with long pink hair and a long pink tail. While the other one had wings it also had a horn on its forehead, but it was purple with purple hair with a pink stripe and matching tail.
"Hey, are you seeing what I'm seeing?" I asked.
"I don't know Road Kill," said Mad Man. "But the yellow one looks like it's dead.
"Do you think they're dangerous?"
"Well if they are, then you'll know why they call me... Road Kill. But I got you covered just in case." After I said that we shut the trucks down and got out to look around. The next thing I heard were screams from Mad Man as he got out of his truck cause he was being ambushed. I looked up the side of his trailers see him pinned down by a pink creature that was making lots of noise. Without another thought I grabbed my knife and tackled it. I held the knife to its throat while I pinned it to the ground. Just as I was about to slit its throat I heard a feminine voice yelling behind me.
"STOP! SHE MEANS NO HARM!" I looked over my shoulder to see the purple one screaming at me while the yellow one appeared to have regained some consciousness.
While looking at the pink creature that was cowering under me I asked. "Can you talk!?" It nodded so I let up on my knife a little so it could speak. "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ATTACK MY FRIEND!?"
"I... I d-didn't," it croaked.
"BULL FUCKING SHIT! I WATCHED YOU FUCKING DO IT!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Right before I could slit its throat I felt a firm hand on my shoulder.
"It's ok Road Kill, I'm fine. let it go." Mad Man said in a calm reassuring voice. "She just caught me with my back door wide open, and took full advantage of the opportunity." He said with a chuckle.
"I-I'm sorry." The pink girl said still a little horse from having the knife to her throat. "I was just really, really, really, really, really excited because you're new here, and I know everypony here, and I just wanted to be your friend."
"It's true." The purple one said as she walked up to us. "She's friends with everypony in town. I'm sorry. But, who and what are you?"
"My name's Road Kill, he's Mad Man, and the two lovely ladies behind us are Lunaris and Raritas." I said pointing to him and the trucks. "We're both humans. Now that you know us. Who and what are you?"
Just then two others showed up the first one had wings, was a sky blue, and had rainbow colored hair and tail. While the other had a horn on its forehead, was a pure white, and had perfectly curled purple hair and tail.
"I'm Twilight Sparkle, that's Fluttershy-" Twilight pointed to the yellow one "-and that's Pinkie Pie." The pink one waved.
"It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Rarity, " said the white one.
"I'm Rainbow Dash. Fastest flyer in Equestria!" The blue one said as it lazily hovered a few feet in the air.
"Ok that answers the who. Now what are you?" I asked.
"We're ponies," said Twilight. "You two are humans. But what are those creatures?" She asked pointing at the trucks as we both visibly cringed. Then Mad Man started trying to comfort his rig. Earning him strange looks coming from the five ponies.
I led the group away from the trucks to explain. I'm gonna catch hell from Luna for this. But oh well, here goes nothin'. "They're not creatures at all, they're just machines made by humans. For most people they're only trucks, but for people like Mad Man and I they're family."
"Oh don't be preposterous darling," said Rarity. "You just said they're only machines. So how in Equestria can they be family?"
As she said that I visibly cringed. "Rarity you'll need to apologize to Lunaris for that comment. But first I'll explain why.
"Mad Man and I believe that even machines have personalities like you and me. For example, Raritas as far as I can tell is just like you." I pointed at Rarity. "She must be perfectly clean and waxed at all times, constantly pampered, heaven forbid she leave the pavement, and don't get me started on having to take her through a little bit of mud. But first and foremost she demands to be treated like a proper lady." -The other four ponies looked straight at Rarity and began to snicker.- "She barely tolerated the ice road we were running on until earlier today."
"That's very interesting," said Twilight. "Because Rarity's almost exactly like that." -Rarity tried to give Twilight the glare of death.- "What's Lunaris like?"
"She's very kind, she'll help just about anyone. She's incredibly stubborn, and doesn't give up easily," I said. "She's short tempered, and she can be very jealous. She's very much a night owl, hence her name; Lunaris, which is Latin for; of the moon.
"Twilight is there somewhere we can park other than the middle of town? Or at least park the trailers?"
"Yes," said Twilight. "I think Applejack would let you park them at Sweet Apple Acres."- I motioned for her to continue. -"I'll show you the way."
"Come on Mad Man." I said as we climbed back into our trucks. "I found us a turkey farm for now." Twilight glared at me and muttered something in response.
"10-4, you got the front door Road Kill." Mad Man said over the radio. While Twilight tried to figure out where his voice was coming from.
"He's in his truck."- Twilight was looking around for an explanation. -"What spell did he use to talk in your truck?"
"He didn't." I held up the mic for the CB and spoke into it. "10-4 we're rolling."
"What do you mean he didn't use a spell? He had to have used magic to talk to you." Twilight said not believing me.
"Just that Ms. Twilight Sparkle. Humans don't have magic. We have technology. For example,"- I held up the mic for the CB. -"This is a CB Radio, it lets me talk to other people from my truck. That is, as long as who I'm talking to also has a CB Radio tuned to the same frequency.
"So which way to Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Oh yes, the road there is on the east side of town," said Twilight. "So where are you two going to sleep?"
"In our trucks," I said.
"But there's no bed!-" Twilight looked concerned while I laughed hysterically. "-What's so funny?"
"Look behind the curtain."- I pointed over my shoulder. -"My sleeper is a small apartment on wheels."- Her jaw dropped to the floor. -"Complete with a wood-burning fireplace, kitchen and shower." Soon after I said that we were surrounded by Apple trees as far as the eye could see.
"Are all trucks this nice and roomy?" She asked
"No. I have probably spent more money on this truck than I have on my families house." As I said that we were stopped by an orange pony wearing a tan Stetson hat. "I'm going to assume that's Applejack."
*****
I was about half way through the west fields when I heard a strange noise. When I looked over to where the noise was coming from, I saw thick black smoke racing for the house. I ran as fast as I could, to see where it was coming from. Cause it didn't act like a normal fire.
When I got to the road there were two large beasts that were belching the smoke I saw.
They came to a stop in front of me with a loud hiss. Twilight and a strange creature got out of the first one, while a second creature got out of the other.
"Hey Applejack," said Twilight. "This is Road Kill.-" She pointed at the one that got out with her. "-And that's Mad Man."- The other one just waved. "They're wondering if they could park their trucks at Sweet Apple Acres."
"Or even just our trailers would be most helpful," said Road Kill.
"Sure thing sugar cube.-" I pointed at one of the Hazmat placards. "-But first what do the red diamonds mean? They look... dangerous."
"They mean that the cargo is hazardous,"said Mad Man. "For example between the two of us we're carrying 62,156 gallons of diesel fuel, which is a class 3 flammable liquid. So yes it can be dangerous.
"It's still ok to park out here... right?"
"Of course sugar cube," I said. "Y'all can park'em in the field next to the barn, as long as they don't leak."
"Don't worry Applejack," said Road Kill. "We wouldn't have been able to use these trailers where we were if they leaked."
*****
As we all parked the trucks and got out; a little yellow filly bolted out of the farm house.
"Applejack what are those things?" The filly yelled as she ran toward us.
"Applebloom this is Road Kill,-" Applejack pointed at me. "-And this is Mad Man.-" She pointed to him. "They're humans."
"It's nice tah meet y'all. But what are those?" Applebloom asked pointing at the trucks.
"Those are big rigs. Mad Man and I drive them all over to deliver different cargo.
"We're gonna bobtail back to town to try and rustle up some grub. Would any of you like a ride back?"
"Can I go sis? please, please, please sis can I go?" Applebloom pleaded.
"Yes, but ya have to ask Road Kill." Applejack said as Applebloom cringed at what my name implied.
"Road Kill. Can I go fer a ride with y'all?" Applebloom asked with much less excitement.
"Sure thing, you can ride with Lunaris and I." I said patting the fender next to the fifth-wheel plate.
Applebloom jumped with excitement, as I opened the passenger side door for her to get in.
"You may want to put that on." I said pointing at the seat belt.
Applebloom and I left while Mad Man stayed a little longer to chat with the others.
"So what's the little rope fer?"- Applebloom pointed at the air horn tassel. -"It's too short to tie anythin' with."
"You're right it is too short to tie anything with." Just then a little orange pegasus on a scooter bolted out in front of the truck.
"SCOOTALOO!" Applebloom screamed in terror.
I stood on the brakes as hard as I could. I yanked on the air horn for all I was worth blasting the orange filly with a deafening wall of sound. I was praying to any and every god that would listen, that Luna wouldn't hit the kid.
Once we were stopped I jumped out of the truck. Please say I missed, please say I missed, dear GOD please say I missed. I thought after I brought Lunaris to an abrupt stop, dreading the extremely possible bloody outcome.
Alright! So, I know this is your first story and all, but there are some serious mistakes in this story. I'm just gonna go over what made me want to scream the most.
masochistmusing.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/firefly_mal-is-speechless.gif
I don't even. . . Ok. I have no clue who the heck these people even are. They're certainly not the pony princess and element of generosity we know from the show, because this is a prologue. So who the hell are they? The story just kind of dismisses them as random characters and then immediately after, throws us into Equestria.
Wait, are their names seriously
WHAT?! They even call each other by their trucker names when they're not in their trucks! Now, I don't know the first thing about truckers and what they do, but I'm pretty sure that if you nicknamed your friend something like "Road Kill", you wouldn't call them that in public or risk getting some pretty awkward stares. It's funny to me how Twilight and the others don't even question this. Twilight just asks them who and what they are, then sends them on their way to Sweet Apple Acres.
Ok, I've gotta know.
I don't have a clue in the world what this means. I know enough to understand that "10-4" means "ok" or "affirmative", but the others I don't even. . . You need to understand, not everyone on FimFiction is a trucker, or a military operative, that understands radio messages. And I'm sure they don't wanna take the time to look up what each one means, just so they know what the hell they're saying. It's nice that you're staying true to their "trucker" personalities, but I'm pretty sure that even truckers don't use code that often. But then again, I'm no trucker.
Also, who the hell are Road Kill, and Mad Man? We know little to nothing about them, other than that they're truckers. I can assume from the story, which I hate doing, that they're both not married? They have no family? If they do, then I was told nothing about it. These characters have ZERO character development. We, as readers, need to be able to know who the main characters are. Things like: Their family, parents, we don't even know how old they are! Other things like: how they became truckers, how "Road Kill" and "Mad Man" became friends. Things like this are a step in the right direction towards making a better story. If you'd like, I could even help you edit a chapter or two if you want.
So far, this story is a wreck. It's nearly impossible to understand what's going on most of the time. I hope you'll be able to fix some chapters in the future by adding some back story to the characters, maybe telling us their real names. Character development should never be disclosed from the reader, unless you wanna get readers confused.
I'm not going to address the weirdness of those names right now, but the second sentence is a question, so it needs a question mark. Also, judging by this description (entirely fair, since that's the point of a description), this is going to be generic.
I have no idea why "heat wave" is italicized.
What's UN 1993? What's "Motion Lotion"?
So... trucker bronies? I'm not sure I've seen that before. Not sure why "black eye" is capitalized though.
I honestly have no idea who is doing or saying what in this paragraph. Try narrating and describing. Is "Luna" another person in the truck with him? In another truck? The truck itself? A bobble head? It's okay to explain to your readers who/what your characters are.
So... wait, "Luna" is the truck? But she's sentient? What?
Also, your extensive use of what I assume is "trucker slang" is going completely over my head. It's good for establishing your characters and their friendship, but it's not good for helping uninitiated readers understand what's going on.
Wait what? That's it? You spend all this time establishing your characters and quirks and then... this? After the way you opened, I really didn't expect to have to pull out a rant on pacing, but I guess I do now.
The scene you've set up so far has a relaxed, laid-back tone. Obviously, your main characters dying won't have that tone. I'm not against a sudden shift - in fact, it would work well here - but the problem is that you describe their "deaths" as though they deserve barely a passing glance. You need to slow down and describe what's going on, both in the entire story thus far and in this moment especially. Where does this take place? What does the road/area look like? What do their trucks look like, both inside and out? How do the characters react when the other truck suddenly appears? How does this lead to their demise? All of these questions need to be answered for your readers to become immersed in your story, and for this moment in particular to have any impact. You might as well have just said "And then they died," and it would have basically the same effect.
I might as well apply this to the next scene with Fluttershy and friends. The only things I can add are, what are the "legs" supposed to be, and how do they know each "beast" has exactly 162 "eyes"?
Don't do this. But if you must, "Kill's" should have an apostrophe.
What's a "CB"?
Two things.
1) You stated in the previous paragraph that they had already exited the trucks, and you stated during the Fluttershy bit that the trucks are next to each other. Why are they using the radio?
2) Equestria does not have radio towers. Therefore, sending anything by radio would be impossible.
Honestly, the following section of "trucker slang" made me lose whatever interest I had in reading this, so I guess... this is the end of the road for me.
4764738
Not to defend the story, but just FYI:
CB is short for Citizens' Band radio, and...
CB radios are not like cell phones; they don't require towers to link the radios together. Each CB radio has a transmitter powerful enough to be received for several miles (2 to 5 miles is average for a mobile rig in a car or truck, although it can be as much as 20 miles if the terrain is relatively flat and there are no large obstructions blocking the signal), and anyone tuned into a particular channel can hear and speak to anyone else on that channel. It's basically the same as Ham radio (shortwave), except that it doesn't require you to have a radio-operator's license to use it.
Aside from that, I can't really add much to what you and Trail-Blazer already wrote. This story needs a serious overhaul, because right now what's going on doesn't make any sense.
So as a trucker brony I really like this story and I think this could grow into something bizarre, funny, and quite interesting. You could give people completely unrelated and mostly ignorant about trucking a view into the lifestyle of truckers. I would definitely hate to see this series die out due to the harsh (but not unwarranted) criticism. If you aren't a trucker yourself then feel free to ask me questions about trucking in general; or if you are a trucker let's swap war stories sometime.
Tl;dr this can become great, don't give it up!
UH-OH... Old barn+tanks of highly flamable liquids+CMC = aww ponyfeathers .
Next chapter please
4764738 Citizens band radio or cb radio for short.
~JFK
4765121
4768736
Ah. Thanks for the explanation.
4769749
Basically, the reason cell phones need towers is because they have relatively low-powered transmitters which operate at a high frequency (800MHz - 2.1GHz, depending on the type of phone and which country you're in), and as a general rule, the higher the frequency, the more direct a line-of-sight you need between the transmitter and receiver, and the shorter a distance the signal will travel. (There's actually a lot more to it than that, but as the old saying goes, "an ounce of inaccuracy saves tons of tedious explanations that aren't really important for purposes of this discussion." ) On the other hoof, the higher the frequency, the more information can be packed into the signal (or, more aptly, the faster a given amount of information can be transmitted), again for reasons which are kind of complex and not worth delving into for purposes of this discussion.
So, for cell phones, the towers are needed both to act as repeaters, picking up the phones' relatively weak, low-powered signals and relaying them along much further distances than they could transmit on their own, and to provide the "intelligence" necessary to wrap various kinds of encryption and tagging around the information within the radio signals so that (theoretically, anyway) only you and your intended recipient can actually hear your conversation, even though there may be dozens of other people around you whose phones are listening in on the same frequency bands at any given moment.
The other reason you'd use a tower is when you need a broadcast signal to be able to cover a wide area, which is why even AM radio stations use towers even though their frequencies (540-1610KHz) can travel fairly long distances; the general idea is to get the transmission source up above any buildings or terrain that might absorb or block the signal.
CB radio, on the other, other hoof, works in the 27MHz band (26.965-27.405MHz, to be exact), which is low enough to travel several miles on its own, and it's a "broadcast" medium where anyone transmitting on a particular channel can be heard by anyone whose radios are tuned to the same channel (though only one person can talk at a time). It's also not intended to be a "long-range" communications medium where two people can talk to each other across dozens or hundreds of miles. (And in fact, technically it's not legal to do so; the FCC puts an upper limit on how powerful the transmitter is allowed to be, although in practice the enforcement of this is somewhat lax.)
So, the upshot of all that is, yes, CB radios would still work in Equestria. Maybe if Twilight gets her hooves on one, she can reverse-engineer it and introduce Equestria to the concept of instant two-way communications that doesn't require dragonfire; I'm sure Spike would appreciate it. (Not to mention, the image of Applejack holding a CB microphone in her hoof saying "10-4, sugarcube, Ah'm Appleoosa bound an' about to drop the hammer down" amuses me far more than it probably should...)
I hope the revision helps I think I fixed at least a few of the issues from the first attempt.
I absolutely love this story.
Can I just ask how exactly you came up with this idea?
ok this story caught my eye and its so far so good...but your missing some details and you were going a bit to fast in this chapter but ill keep on reading