Trucks in Equestria

by 35RatRod

Welcome to Ponyville

I jumped out of the truck and ran around to the front. There I saw an orange pegasus with a purple mane and tail cowering a couple inches from the bumper. "You've got one hell of a guardian angel kid." I said with a sigh of relief. "Why are you in such a big hurry anyway?"

"I was on my way to hang out with my friends."- Scootaloo said as she stood up and noticed that her scooter was missing. -"W-what happened to my scooter?"

I looked under the truck and saw a flattened scooter. "I found it... it's dead, but I found it. "

"What do you mean dead?" She asked. "It's just a scooter. It can't die."

"It got squished when Lunaris stepped on it."- I pointed over to the right side of the truck. -"It's flat as a pancake."

"Ah pony feathers." Scootaloo said as she surveyed the damage. "Hey... What did you mean by guardian angel?"

"A guardian angel is someone who looks after you from heaven and protects you," I said. "And yours really likes you." She gave me a quizzical look. "Let me put things into perspective. If Luna rolled two to three more feet you'd be dead... just like your scooter." Her eyes became the size of dinner plates.

"I...I c-could have b-been d-d-dead?" She asked with a healthy amount of fear in her voice.

"Yes. You were less than two seconds away from becoming... road kill."- She let out an audible gulp. -"I'm on my way into town. You wanna lift?" I said as if nothing was wrong.

"Um...sure since I can't ride my scooter any more," said Scootaloo. "Wait where's Princess Luna? I don't see her, you said she was here."

"No I didn't Lunaris is my truck." I said as it clicked in Scootaloos head. "I call her Luna for short. Now get in." I pointed to the passenger door.

As soon as my ass touched the driver's seat we were assaulted by a wall of sound coming from the stereo, and it was screaming at me. ANTONIO SAMUEL SAXTON! WHY DIDST THOU CALL US FAT!?"

"I-I didn't." I stammered realizing that I broke the number one rule of talking around women you care about: NEVER EVEN HINT about excess weight. "Well just think Lulu there aren't any chicken coups around to know for certain." I knew I struck a nerve when I said that, because the engine temperature spiked. "Now, now Luna, you know I love you. I'm only pulling your leg, and you know it."

"Very well, but thou whilst pay for what thou sayest."

That's also when Applebloom realized that Luna used my given name instead of my handle. "Hey, wait a minute. Who's Antonio Samuel Saxton?" Applebloom asked trying to put two and two together.

I raised my hand. "Me that's my given name. Right now the only people that know my real name are you two, Lunaris, Mad Man, and maybe Raritas. I'd like to keep it that way."

"So then why do you call yerself Road Kill?" asked Applebloom.

"It's my handle, or code name."- The two girls just grinned at each other. -"Only friends, family, and the state know my real name.

"Road Kill. Is everything alright up there?" Mad Man asked over the radio.

"10-4. A kid almost became road tar is all."- Scootaloos face went paper white as she recalled the demise of her scooter. -"By chance any word on some decent chow?"

"Just Sugarcube Corner. Twilight said to talk to Pinkie Pie," He said.

"Roger that." I turned to my passengers and asked. "Where's Sugarcube Corner?"

"Don't worry we'll show ya the way," said Applebloom. "So how did you get the name Road Kill?"

"It was given to me by my instructor at school. When he was giving me a small test I couldn't help but run over a dog. To make matters worse the poor thing became wedged between the two drive axles and the trailer and was ground into itty bitty pieces. The only thing that was still in tact was its head." The girls cringed at the image I described.

"So was that the only time that happened?" Scootaloo asked hoping that was the only one that I ran over.

"No that was only the first." I said. "A couple weeks later during my final road test a cat to cross the road at the wrong time. That poor thing met a worse fate than the dog." They both gave me a quizzical look. "Unlike the dog it didn't die right away because it only wedged itself between the duels on the trailer. After listening to her screams for a half mile the examiner let me pull over and put her out of her misery. So needless to say the name stuck."

"How can they be y'alls companions if they're dead?"

"I had a good friend that was a taxidermist in his spare time. So I was able to trade a couple of favors for his services."

"What's a taxidermist?" Scootaloo asked not sure if she wanted the answer or not."

"They're someone who stuffs dead animals for show." Both girls looked like they were about to be sick. "The cat's in front of the fireplace and the dog is on the dash."- I reached up and rubbed the skull. -"Who's a good little mutt?

At that point I could tell that they were very much questioning my sanity. "So where are we going again?

Scootaloo found that to be a great opportunity to change the subject. "The Carousel Boutique."- She pointed at a building shaped and painted like the center of a carousel ride. -"That's where Rarity and Sweetie Bell live." How come I'm not surprised.

I quickly scanned the area and pointed at a building that looked like it was made out of ginger bread. "Let me guess. That's Sugarcube Corner." The girls just nodded as we came to a stop in front of the boutique. The two got out and rolled over to Sugarcube Corner for some chow.

I walked through the door and was greeted by a blue mare. "Excuse me miss. Is Ms. Pie in?"

Pinkie Pie jumped up from behind the counter. "Just call me Pinkie. Ms. Pie makes me feel old. So Road Kill what can I get you?"

"Fair enough, I feel old myself when someone calls me Mr. or sir. What's good?"

"Well everything's great silly!" I should have seen that coming.

"Ok then,"- I quickly scanned the display case. -"What do you have in the muffin department?" She muttered darkly about Derpy and muffins.

"We have blueberry, raspberry, cranberry orange, triple berry, banana nut, strawberry coconut, strawberry banana, boysenberry, blackberry, and my personal favorite chocolate chip. So what will it be?"

I'll take a cranberry orange, triple berry, banana nut, and a... strawberry coconut." As she gathered my loot she asked me where Mad Man was. "I think he's on his way here. But I can get on the horn and find out if you'd like." She just nodded.

I went back to my truck and got on the radio. "Mad Man you got your ears on"

"10-4 what's going on?"

"Oh nothin. What's your 20?"

"Oh I'm just passin your skid marks on my way to town. So where are you?"

"I'm here at Sugarcube Corner waiting for you just look for Luna I'll wait." I looked over at Pinkie and rolled down the passenger side window and waved her over. "He'll be here in about two minutes give or take." I said with a great yawn. "But in the meantime I'm talking a nap." I rolled the window back up. "Lock it down Lulu. If Mad Man knocks just let him in. Gutenacht meine liebe."

"Very well, get some rest." That was the last thing I heard before falling asleep.

Author's Note:

Gutenacht-goodnight

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Comments

[35RatRod]

5101139
Smoky and the bandit meets MLP mixed with experience.

Just keep the shiny side up and the dirty side down.