Neo Neighpon had quickly established itself as the Equus World Capital with its recent cybernetic system in place; each being that arrives into the city receives Biotech, a series of cybernetic implants that push the physical limits of its hosts beyond their normal capacity at the dangerous cost of death when removed. This quickly became exploitable by the criminal underworld of the city, where they rule in the shadows.
Twilight Sparkle, resident of Neo Neighpon and a brilliant hacker with the chance of bringing light into the dark world, finds herself in the middle of a conspiracy. Now a target by the very people she trusted her life to, she now must struggle to not only clear her name, but perhaps defeat the underworld that had plagued the world.
Edited by Regina Wright
Is that timesplitters 2 i smell?
Cybernetic technology? Becoming slaves to what was supposed to be an enhancement of lives? Oh yes, I believe I can fit in here.
Now, I have to admit. This is a world I've never stumbled across, having been quite used to the medieval setting that is the original universe. Still, it piques my interest, and it encourages me to look up even more stories involving such a setting. The idea of Twilight being framed for a crime and hunting down the perpetrator herself while dealing with the fooled law enforcement sounds like an interesting plot line to go by. But I feel as if the pacing is a bit too rushed, that things are moving a bit too quickly for my liking. Perhaps you could slow down just a little, allow readers to get a good idea of the situation before being pushed into another?
All in all, this is an interesting story to come across, and I do hope tat ir receives more reception in the future.
An alternate universe where a hacker is caught in the middle of a conspiracy, framed for something that she did not commit, and is trying to clear her name. Love it.
4708824
I can do that. I'm glad you enjoy it so far.
4708817
It was TS2 inspired, so yes it is Timesplitters 2 you smell.
4708974
I wanted to try my hand at the genre. Only time will tell if I can live up to everyone's expectations.
4708977 True, but you've lived up to my expectations early.
4709030
If I live up to it, then I have personal expectations of exceeding what I live up to. That's my philosophy when it comes to any sort of work done.
4709062 I'd have to agree with that, happens to me with everything that I write.
Get out.
4709496
My humblest thanks for your enlightening comment chap. While there is no classy or sophisticated way as to show you my gratitude for the most exciting and intelligent comment here, I am an acquaintance of such a person who can express it for me:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/5/19/630623__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_edit_twiface_wrong+neighborhood_get+out_artist-colon-kryptonpony.png
and have a nice day.
4709541
I was already out.
I'm off finding stupid people who think "Equus" is a reasonable idea.
4709862
Dude. It's a name. Take a chillaxative.
4709887
Do you call our world 'Homo'?
4710072
That's reality, this is fiction. It seems to me that you're saying that this story sucks just because it calls the planet 'Equus.'
Yes, it's a stupid name.
Yes, it's annoying.
It really should not be annoying enough to abandon a story over.
4710087
Oh, I have nothing to say about the story, I haven't read it and I never will because of that.
The story may be great, but that one word is such a travesty to literature I will never read a story that uses it in its description. No matter how good the story is, morals are more important.
4710108
That is the single most ridiculous thing I've heard all month. You're not reading a story because it names a planet full of horse pun locations after a horse pun.
If the name was offensive ("Abortiontopia," just to throw a crazy example out there. Don't laugh, someone has actually used that as a name before), then I'd understand, but seriously, you're judging the story on something that, in all likelyhood, could become canon!
Horse puns, man! MLP is full of them!
Well, I'll give you points for delving into the kickass world of cyberpunk, but I think your writing needs some more work. Needs less description and exposition-heavy dialogue (i.e., "A lavender unicorn sat on an aquamarine chair..." "But that's impossible, I'm attending the prestigious university and conducting research on..."). I get the kind of plot you're developing, but with such heavy description and detail, it's hard to stay invested. We should be more into what Twilight is thinking and doing, with more of the world of Neo Neighpon slipping into the background. I really don't need to know everything about her life story or the color of each room and pony right off the bat.
Still, keep up the good work!
4714354
Thank you very much for the comment. I could afford to be less descriptive at parts if it improves the accuracy of my writing style.
4714370 I don't know how much you've been exposed to previous cyberpunk works, but if it helps, I'd recommend getting into the classics like William Gibson's Sprawl Trilogy or Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson. They do a good job of immersing the reader into their mad worlds without much buildup.
Maybe we stopped the comments because of pure epicness? Anyway, Twilight going Mortal Kombat is kinda exciting. I'd definitely like to know about this world's Spike...
I swear the setting of the story reminds me of a movie I may have seen or heard of.
I wanted to say something "Tom Cruise" related but I could be wrong.
I have one question to ask all of you; did I succeed in writing Cyberpunk?
4708977 I forgot to mention that I thought this was kinda funny that I was working on a story that I used the soundtrack to Wild West as inspiration.
Heres the finished product.
4786299
I guess the two of us have similar muses then. Well, regardless, I do appreciate that you read over through the fic
OK, this story was overall really good, if a bit on the short side of the length skale. And this ending ... ähm, I just don't know what to say about it. It came kinda out of the blue and doesn't feel like a real ending. It doesn't feel like this story is over yet, if you know what I mean.
4787964
I understand completely. There's definitely plenty of elbow room for a sequel though just in case if I wanted to revisit the concept.
Alright, I finally have the time to read more of this story. So far, I like the dark theme of corruption with the government system, almost like IRL situations.
Either these mechanical implants are weak, or Twilight’s been hitting the gym more than usual.
That giant worm fight was really neat. Actually, now that I thought about it, Twilight seems to be displaying limited usage of her magic.
Plus, love that “Legend of Zelda” reference.
This was a very good story. I’m quite surprise that this didn’t get the attention I was expecting with writing talents such as yourself.
From beginning to end, the build-up, the right moments of actions and confrontations between Twilight and Sunset were spot on. Every character mention in the story felt as if they served a role and completed a purpose. I liked the fight scenes. Again, it was the timing and included at the right moment.
The emotion felt nearly real. Near the end I was saddened, but at the same time I felt like there’s going to be a silver lining or, even better, “Hope” for Twilight, Spike, and Celestia will find and/or create that paradise.
All in all, it was a great read. Some minor details of misplaced words and little grammars, but nothing serious and can easily overlooked.
4854815
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I try to give everything a purpose so as to not make it feel pointless.
Also, I got to re-read this to see that Zelda reference I made. I sometimes make references without realizing.
This is reading out like a cheesy 80s to early 90s cyberpunk film, silly, but relevant to my interest.
4785918
You succeeded in 80s cyberpunk cheesiness to the core.