Spending a night alone in the old castle, Spike finds an ancient tome. A tome from history, history of the changelings and their involvement with the zebras...
Just a quick world-building story written for the Iron Author contest at Everfree Northwest. Up to 2,000 words in two hours, so don't expect any huge quality from this!
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Spike.
I like it!
Still better than I could do. Then again, you do have more experience than I do.
I liked it!
4683848 It's pretty meh though.
I couldn't think of anything funny to write with the story elements presented, so I went for something patriotic.
4683857 I still enjoyed it. Considering you had a two hour time limit, what you came up with worked out fine in my opinion.
4683843 I agree!
I expect some huge quality from this.
An enjoyable little quickie that managed a surprising amount of world-building and Spike love in under two thousand words. Thank you for it.
That a boy, Spike. Learn. Growing and bring us together!
What's that I smell, the start to a bigger story? Yes! I think it is.
Well that was certainly interesting and entertaining, I especially liked the part where Twilight says at even though Queen Chrysalis was evil doesn't mean all changelings are evil.
Lyrics to our National Anthem:
Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more!
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
It's a little rough around the edges, but that's only to be expected when you have two hours to write it. I think you paced it well, and the scene transition was solid. I especially like the characterization of Spike, and what you did with his character. I love your rationalization of slavery in this case, and the lesson that Spike learns here.
There was only one thing that caused a problem in this entire story, and it's more of a perspective confusion than an actual error. And the problem comes with the first introduction of castes. We are told that the changeling is of the worker caste, and it's said in third person omniscient. However, Spike takes no notice of castes until later, and it's a bit jarring when it's brought to our attention after we assumed he was familiar with the term. It's a very small and nit-picky sort of thing, but I felt it was worth mentioning at least.
In any case, this was a strong story. You accomplished quite a bit considering the time and length of the story, and you tackled the theme in a tasteful way. The characters were strong and felt right, and this story shines on its simplicity.
4686586 Shame that nobody really reads my stories like this one. They'd rather read about Fluttershy being a lesbian!
4696322
It is a shame, because you're great at writing these stories!
4696667 I have six non-comedy stories that could be considered "successful."