Just when I thought I had found my home on earth, my family is moving again. I thought I was going to have to deal with it, but God had bigger plans for me. Plans that involve me finding my true home...
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 11th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen Last Friday
Arguyus
I have nothing to say right now...
Arguyus
Joined 11th Jul, 2014 ·
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... Do go on...
please continue mister
I hate to sound like an ass, but I don' think there's an easier way to to say this, but this story is very bland. There is simply nothing new here that I haven't read a millions times before.
Twilight teleported an unknown being to Equestria by accident? Check.
Humans are evil and were/must be destroyed? Check
Human has a sob story to share with their favorite pony to score sympathy points with? Check.
The reactions of the characters half the time don't even make any sense. In the beginning, we learn that humans are an evil force that had to die, but Celestia talks to Stephen for two freaking minutes before giving him the stamp of approval.
Wouldn't it have made more sense for Celestia to take him back to Canterlot an thoroughly check him out before releasing him to the public or something? Also, what kinda humans did they have to deal with before? Were the humans normal? Were they magical? Were they an advance race of psychopaths that wanted to destroy the world or something? WHAT?!
I mean, for god sakes, the entire world joined together to destroy humanity, so the humans there must've did something that would make Adolf Hitler give them the thumbs up.
Hopefully your next chapter will clear that up, but Jesus man. . . I'm only 4 chapters in and there's already so many problems with this story.
I also hope you slow down on the pony/human romance as well. Much as I love it, making a couple takes time, trust, and connections to be built. So try not to rush it.
4705624 1: Stephen WASN'T teleported, he was pulled into the future, he is still on Earth.
2: Humans, over time, became a primitive, animalistic, society.
3: His "sob story" is my life, this is a self insert.
4: The reason why Celestia trusted him so quickly is because he looked drastically different then any human they knew about, and he is currently on castle grounds, where all the guards are.
5: The romance will be slow, he just had a crush on Twi before hand.
6: (Spoiler) I will be adding something new at the point of the Gala, and I will add a new character in "Boast Buster."
It seems rushed, but good overall! You need to fix a few words here and there and fix your grammar a bit, but it was great and interesting other than that.
So far I LOVE IT!!!! really great how you worked things out here all you need is a editor and I think I know a guy that might be able to help, but let me continue reading This fantastic story!
4718395 Nice avatar! Shadow the hedgehog is by far my favorite character in the sonic series!
Okay #1 Wow awesome chapter
#2 what is this
it reminds me of darthvaders tie fighter
ATTENTION
4705624 man learn to give a chance. bato
if somepony hit him in the back of the head he soon be out of his amnesia. I hope it doesnt last long otherwise hes going to get a headache when he does remember!
5040799 Thing is, it is actually a magically induced amnesia, he won't remember till post fact... and no headaches.
5041130 well who put him under it was it Celestia ?
5044156 It was Twilight... but it was an accident.
This is a really good story to read and I like it! I can't wait to see the whole episodes and seasons for Stephen to play in and hopefully get a new elements like any kind that could help his pony friends and/or a mare of his dreams. Probably Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Twilight, Lyra, Derpy, or probably some other mare. So continue writing anyway, yay for a possibility for Stephen to be a bearer of a seventh element!
6787764 Rainbow Dash!? You think I would put him with that glory hound? As if.
7441226 Oh yeah... my bad.
You know? You are the first person to ever write and added christian belief in this. I too am christian, and I was too worried to add something like this in my story, but you just put it there and BOOM! Great story so far! And just by reading this just gave me a jump and planned in my future chapters.
Keep up the good work!👍
Is this story pretty much dead? I’d love to see more!!!
Please add more chapters to this and if possible make it a harem story.