The Forgotten Bridge

Revised Edition

Twilight wakes up on the edge of a forest in the middle of the night. She seems to have lost her memory of what happened before waking up. She can't remember how or why she is there. While there, however, she finds an old and mysterious bridge. The bridge looks normal, but with some digging around, as Twilight does a lot, she finds secrets that threaten Equestria. On thing is for sure: Something wants Equestria...

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 5 )

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Tailgate

Tailgate #1 · Jul 13th, 2014 · · ·

Out of nowhere, the scene flashed and there were pony soldiers fighting for there lives.

Their not there.

I-I can't tell you exactly. Everything will be answered with time. Now, Miss Sparkle, I have to leave. Please, touch me.
"What?"
Touch

Lonely much? Hah

each fuse on a cannon lit with the glowing ember,

Replace the with a. A single ember is not lighting every cannon. Also cannon should be plural, so cannons. As one cannon does not have more than one fuse, so each fuse would mean there are more than one cannons.

Good work, not interesting enough to me to actually come back and check it out, but it was detailed pretty well early on. However, I see the effect you tried creating with the war scene, but it did not turn out well. It seemed like you were repeating yourself and then her almost near instant change to smiling after watching ponies die gruesome deaths first-hand by making rocks and starting a fire -which if anything would remind her of the battle rather than making her happy.

The flames of war do not simply fade away to an interloper.

Mydnyt Rayn

Mydnyt Rayn #2 · Jul 13th, 2014 · · ·

4689192 Thanks for the comment. Sorry this didn't please you. Can't make everyone happy. Anyways, thanks again.

Tailgate

Tailgate #3 · Jul 14th, 2014 · · ·

4689419

Can't make everyone happy.

Can't be any more right than that, good luck, maybe if I see this in the update box, I'll check back in. I would like to see if the story improves. Overall, grammar and details were pretty good, but Twilight's character just seemed off and the war scene was pretty bland. Like I said, I get what you were going for by stating how you did, but it just didn't turn out well. Good luck and have a nice day.

Twilight978