The young Human/Elf hybrid Dragon Rider named Eragon, with his dragon, Saphira travel on the Talia ship that goes West of Alagaesia, to a new place called "Equestria." It had been one month since Eragon killed the evil king of Alagaesia: Galbatorix, and his humongous black dragon, Shruikan. Eragon however feels saddened, because he had to leave everyone he loved behind. His cousin: Roran, Arya with her new green dragon named Firnen, Horst and the people of Carvahall(even though it has been destroyed by the Empire) Nar Garzhvog(The Kull chieftain that Eragon made friends with) Murtagh: his half brother with his red dragon: Thorn, Nasuada, Orik, Katrina, and others. He discovers that there can be friends from any part of the world. Of course, He has Saphira, Blodhgarm and his twelve elves, many eldunaris from many dragons, Including Glaedr, Oromis's dragon, and a teacher to Eragon and his dragon. Umaroth, and many other eldunaris. WARNING: If you had not read Inheritance, it will contain spoilers. Rights for the characters from the Inheritance cycle, goes to Christopher Paolini.
Rights for the cover go to Ticcy on Deviantart.com
This definetly has potential if done well
THIS IS AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm just going to be blunt. this story has some serious potential; but it needs a lot of work. the characters are really OOC, the descriptions are lacking, and everything feels extremely rushed.
an example for improving the story would be the beginning, when he's remembering his half brothers self exile. instead of the short explanation, you could use a scene transition, and take the exact events from the story word for word. it'd give more feeling to the over-all remembering of the event.
if you need/want me to clarify anything that i said, just message me. and seriously, i'm not trying to be mean. i'm just trying to help your story fit in more with what a serious Eragon fan is going to expect.
ive read all the books and i loved them although i almost certain ive seen this story twice before but with a different cover art it kept being put up then taken down cause the author could never work on it
nope i found it https://www.fimfiction.net/story/121013/after-alagasia
also it turns out there is a group for people who write an eragon crossover https://www.fimfiction.net/group/199601/folder/16291/1/eragon-in-equestria
Look I'm not doing Plaigarism, but It's going to be very different than After Alagaesia. I promise.
Oh and Eragon and MLP crossover
I am intreagued
Ok, as a fan of the Inheritance cycle, I am going to read this.
Edit: Not a bad Idea... but as others have said, characters seem WAY ooc.
Twilight saying we're nice ponies, doesn't seem like something that she would say.
I do like it, but I'll hold off faving for the time.
Ugh, terrible if you write eragon you need it to be like an epic tale not a jump in the kiddie pool i'm sorry if i sound negative but this is rushed and not planned out at all no offense but this writing is plain lazy. i think you need to think about what eragon would actually do when meeting ponies and why his resolve to leave his home is so shaky in the books he was crying but how long do you really think he would do that? how long were they sailing ya know? you left out good content to cement the character into your fic it goes to fast and Saphira takes no shit from Eragon for cryin out loud she would tell him to pull his crap together and that he has a job to do she has little to no character
im sorry but i had to say it. the emotion and the flow are both missing.
more please
This is really good i beg more
Really needs an editor. Or several. With a couple grammar Nazis this could be awesome.
4731197 EXACTLY what he said.
Sorry if this is taking to long, It's just that I have new ideas in my head, and I'm focused on my other stories
. Sorry if this is taking to long, but I'll get a new chapter up as soon as i can.
not to be cruel but you have a ton of errors in this story. such as firnen was 6 months old when they left as well as blodhgarm only has 10 of his spell casters left
Why so long between chapters?
Please continue this story.
5220208 I will, I will. Please be patient. I'm just coming up with some ideas for what the next chapter should be, besides it's not easy being a writer you know? So anyway, I am so sorry if this is taking so long, monsieur.
I am so sorry if the next chapter is taking forever, all of my followers and readers. I promise I will get the next chapter on here as soon as I can. I was just busy focusing on my other stories. I hope you all understand.
Tell them it please it is awesome story
can't wait.
I hope soon isnt 2-3 months later
yay! more. i like this. I have been a huge fan of the inheritance saga since the first book. I actually have all of them first edition and i"m glad to see his fic. please keep up the great work.
this was a very good chapter. Please keep up the great work.
You listed the events of the blood oath twice
5024277 Not to mention.. Eragon running out of energy after.. after a single use of Brisingr? What?
That was his first spell. ever. I don't...
Oh, whatever.
um....might want to go through this again. lot's of spelling errors. otherwise, it's a great chapter.
Do you mean
"Ash sucks"
Woohoo an update
Awesome story so far. I love Eragon and MLP. It is a bit jarring with how different your writing style is from the book, but the story holds a lot of promise.
I like this
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/a6/c4/cb/a6c4cba6410b38670327d70eca367409.gif
Sapbira
Bwahahahah
this was a great story no mistakes have a cookie
Sweeeeeeeet
I just picked this up after rereading the inheritance cycle again. I will agree with everyone else that this has good potential if you address some out of character moments. Another critique I have is that while you shouldn't write exactly like Christopher Paolini, the essence of your story should be the same. It should move slowly just as Eragon's training and Sapphira's growth did. A way to distinguish yourself from Paolini's writing style in my opinion is to write slowly but with purpose. There were often times in the Inheirtance cycle where Paolini sidetracked far too much and that's why the books are bloated and longer than they need to be.
These are the things that I noticed
1) The dragons don't call the other races young one. They, and especially Sapphira to Eragon, call them "little one"
2) This statement "For the first time, he had heard Thorn's voice when he saw Murtagh for the last time" is worded very poorly. I got the gist of what you were saying since i've read the books but it is still jarring
3) This statement "For the first time, he had heard Thorn's voice when he saw Murtagh for the last time" is very out of character for the relationship between Dragon and Rider. In the books it is stated multiple times that dragon and rider are closer than any family or lover. The bond is so strong that they are like one personality or person in a sense. They cannot lie to each other and would not want to lie to one another.
Another thing to add on to this is: if Sapphira and Eragon were talking to one another in the Ancient Language, which they were doing more often than not by the end of Brisingr, they literally cannot lie to one another unless it is a lie of omission. Something important in crossovers is to play by the Universe's rules and this is a glaring error but easily fixed.
4) Instead of calling it mind speaking or telepathy just say something along the lines of "touching each other's minds". That is more in style with Paolini
5) Eldunari
The eldunari are the greatest secret of the Dragon Race. While in Inheritance it seems like everyone knows what the eldunari are, it's because it was just the main characters and ones close to Eragon. Even with his close friends, Eragon had trouble telling them what the eldunari are. The power one could have by knowing the existence of the Eldunari is too great. Eragon and especially sapphira would not wantonly give out this knowledge to everyday people and especially one's they just met.
I really like the concept of this story. I really enjoy the Inheritance universe and want more of it. Paolini is taking way too long to write his next book. I look forward to reading the next chapters in this fic.
great you updated. Keep it up.
Ok, so I get that he can't return, that's always been a part of the series as a whole, but did he forget how to use his scrying spell to see and talk to the people back home? Or is it the fact that it's not a part of this story?
This was... Rather odd to read. I find myself longing for the source material more than I do continuing this fic. There's a lack of Eragon crossover fics on this site. A rather saddening lack at that. This has potential... But it just doesn't feel right. There are folks far more qualified to pass along critique than I, you should listen to them... Because this COULD be something as amazing as the Inheritance cycle is. As it stands now... Its readable at least.
I might ship spike and saphira now
6358115 The problem is he writes Eragon and Sapphira close enough to the real characters to be recognizable, but not quite actually get them down just right. They come across as simulacra of people you know very well, rather than those people. If you didn't read the Inheritance Cycle, this would be amazing. If you did... it hits you in the literary version of the uncanny valley.
6358115 makes sense but it should pick up like the books.
6364462
Dig the name... And yeah. That is seriously right on the nose.
6398594
I liked the way the books moved, actually. A slow start is a good thing for any fantasy epic... But this doesn't have what the books had going for them... Its not, and I use this term because I can't think of a better one at the moment, easy to read. It doesn't flow nearly as well as the source material, and as Meep said... The established characters feel... Off. Very very off. Like funhouse reflections of themselves.
6398960 Sadly that's one reason why (aside from Animorrphs and and other mostly ghost written by many authors works) fanfic will never be as good as original fics. 99.99999% of people cant do the characters as they are simply not the author. As far as fanfic goes though, this is the top tier. Which is a bit bittersweet.
6399003
That's why original characters are so important. But, that said, there are a few good crossovers I've seen. The Dresden Fillies series for instance. Excellently written, to the point that Psycoscubadiver was suspected of being Jim Butcher himself.
6399355 Well naturally there are a few sparks who can get the character prefect. For instance, I do a prefect Trixie. Or so I've been told. But that's relatively rare. It takes someone who understands and actually gets the character to the point of well... You know.
6399404
Quite. I've been told I do a good Pinkie, myself.
6399486 Please cut me some slack. At least give me some credit for having a good imagination.
Not all fics are perfect like Meep the Changeling said before
6430869
Oh don't get me wrong. I adore the idea, and it does fit quite well. High fantasy meshes very well into Equestria... But... You really should get an editor for this and try and keep the characters a bit more like themselves.
Like, Favorite and Follow Author before even reading it.....
Just a quick side note from reading the first chapter is that it might help if you put thought speak in Italics