Hey, I'm Playbitz. I try to write where and when I can and hope y'all enjoy my work!
Playbitz is a bit of a work-a-holic and when hes forced to take a long vacation, he learns that taking time for himself is just as important as working to help those around him. Siren Bliss is also in the same situation, she has self doubt about her own abilities and talents. When the two meet, they'll realize just how important they are to each other and just how special they really are.
Chapters 1- 3 edited by Kestrel
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Nice job! You've really cleaned it up
I hope you continue the fic and continue to make it a good read
Thanks for keeping my involvement on the down low...
Calm's probably gonna come up in here and say stuff anyway though 
4654051
Still learning how to use the site so as I learn I'm sure Ill link the right way n all. I appreciate the help.
While they were small, the changes helped keep the flow going.
Dang! not bad as well as some awesome action right off the bat!
Honestly this was the perfect thing to read right before writing an action sequence in my own story, thanks for giving me some action fuel
Onto the technical notes. You have improved greatly. There are still some things i'll point out:
There are a few spots where the paragraphs weren't properly spaced, this happens to me a lot too especially if you transfer from a word document, always look through the paragraphs briefly before submission.
Also, i'm not sure if this is really a rule so much as it is a preference, but whenever a new character speaks it's generally better to have their dialogue begin a new paragraph. You don't have two characters speaking in the same paragraph anywhere (which is right) but having each new character dialogue start a paragraph makes the characters even more separate and easier to differentiate.
quick example, when bliss is talking to her boss you have:
New paragraph, stuff stuff stuff. "Yeah."
The way i'm refering to would look like this:
New paragraph, stuff stuff stuff reference to Bliss
"Yeah."
4654051 If i'm wrong about this from an editing viewpoint please punch me in the gut for writing this long explaination
honestly i think it looks fine the way you have it here because it's a simple "yeah.", but there were some cases where i was surprised because a character spoke in the middle of a paragraph suddenly. it takes away from both the descriptions and the dialogue.
Description is meant to paint the picture of what's happening and Dialogue is meant to put emphasis on how the character is handling the situation, especially when you are in an action scene.
But seriously... GREAT JOB. I really did get into it and the action scene was awesome
You're the first writer i've ever really gone the extra mile to help out and to see such drastic improvement... well... it makes me feel fuzzy
keep it up, you're doing great
4655727
No, you're right, but it would have required a drastic overhaul in his writing style, and I didn't want to say it in fear of sounding like a jerk
it can be distracting. Whenever you have dialogue, it is customary to give it it's own pararagraph.
Sorry for not pointing it out earlier Playbitz, but again, I thought it would make me sound mean...
4655783
like i said back when you started editing for me,
To writers: the best editors are harsh editors
its better to point out even the little things then to just let them be. Trust me, we appreciate it
4655808
But how should I know if a writer takes critique well? I'm better off being careful with my work and giving them little bits at a time, kind of like how I started with you on FSH
4655826
true, well... i can guarantee you Play won't mind, especially after the super large guide to story building i drew up for him. He certainty didn't go: "jeez forget this" he took it and improved
Alright let's leave it at that, i don't want to clog his notification box and give him false excitement about getting so many comments
4655832
4655826
So many notifications
Nah, tis all good. My writing style is a bit haphazard as I'm having to switch styles from the narrative such as here, to technical with a GDD *game design document* and then even throwing in a Pitch doc which is a whole different type of beast BUT I'm not making an excuse for myself.
I appreciate all the help that the both of you have given me. I'm sure that itll still take a bit of forging to get my writing style down right. I know that the next few chapters will prob have similar mistakes but my aim is to improve as I go. Slowly my improvements will become second nature as I continue and blah blah blah you know what I mean
I got a good charge from reading your comment about my action sequence. This is barely the tip of the ice burg when it comes to whats in store for the action in the story. It'll take a bit of time but I think that you, and other readers, will really enjoy what I have in store.
4655943
i look forward to it
4655783
Its no worries and believe me, I appreciate the subtle/slow approach. Allows me to learn while I go instead of feeling degraded. BUT in all honesty, its a learning experience.
If I didn't want criticism, I would never post a story online. Art comes in all sorts of forms and listening to even the smallest of comments helps the art grow.
The hardest challenge I have is getting all that awesomeness that I see in my head onto paper but written in a way that coherent and readable. I can easily come up with specific scenes but its the challenge of coming up with how events lead up to those scenes which make the story.
One of the greatest things I learned from some of my family members, and even people Ive met over the years is that a story teller only let his imagination soar when spinning their tales. you know, unless its a true story. In that case, try not to let the imagination run too wild
4656009
Well, thanks to Calm, that little dialogue bomb has been dropped early...
so now you know... 
4656017
it shall be remembered for the future!
Oh, honey, this is awesome!
I love the action sequence and your storytelling is really attention grabbing!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Did you have a plan for when you'd have your next chapter done? Just trying to figure out when to be ready...
4663391
I'm going to try to get something going this weekend.
4663403
Sounds good.
And you were in on that malicious little scheme of Calm's. .. weren't you..?
I saw it...
4663406
I'm completely innocent! Though just so you know that now since I know what both y'alls OC looks like, something more dastardly may be coming in the pipeline in the future. 
4663419
... why do you guys do this to me?
I didn't ask for any attention 
4663428
lol, true but it kinda happens that way. Heck, your yammering with a dude that could end up just as big if not bigger than Rockstar games
that and your totally our groups Fluttershy
Me like. Looking forward for the next part
4742534
Awesome! Actually writing it as I type here.
Awesome Chapter, honey!
4754635
Glad you liked it sweetie. Here's to the next part going just as smooth *well as smooth as it could go anyway*
so than you can get out | So that
That's all I got, Good story and I look forward to more!
4754651
I... Uh... sure, we'll go with that
4756500 did I upset you?
4757020
Nah slight word confusion. but all is good. thanks for reading and hope you enjoy what I have in store!
This is a really good first chapter. I really enjoyed the action scene here. You did a good job dude.
4949088
Thanks! Its only the begining. More to come
Great job man, you've already improved a lot.
I liked the plot you laid out here in this chapter, we're starting to move along
Can't wait for the next chapter.
He was already pushing himself fa bit much and that would surely end in disaster. | pushing himself a fair bit which was sure to end in disaster, or something like that,
Indeed it is another great chapter, I look forward to how you approach this mysterious subject know as "Dating"!
More??? Please??? Rocky start but coming along nicely. Really loved it.
5254685
More is on its way. I'm a bit fickle with writing, gotta be inspired and have time to write. I appreciate the fav and the comment very much so! It helps a lot!
5256803 hum... maybe you need a visit from the inspiration breezy???
5256859
haha I wont say no but I'm also working with game design work as well as awaiting a very special visit by Siren Bliss. Shes going to be here for the holidays *havent seen each other for a year*
5256994 :D Aw, Have fun. Maybe the two of you can talk it out and have ideas of how to get it going.
5257019
Thats exactly what I'm hopin to do. The ideas are there, just sorting them and making it nice and good is the tough part. I don't wanna up and skip important things and ruin the story.
What happened to chapter 4?!
5668413 It turned out that I mistakenly did a double post of chapter 3. I thought I had a 4 but its not yet written.
Cooooooool!!
Soooo, when's the next chapter??
Also I couldn't help but think of this song when I saw the title.
Bliss will start falling in love with Bitz over time, right?
6783359 we'll have to wait and see wont we?
6783461 Indeed we will.
Yay! Cute.
Very awesome chapter. Can't wait to start reading the next.
Loving this story so far!
Loved the way Playbitz just let himself Fall off that first cloud LOL.
Loved all of these chapters.
Can't wait for the next chapter.