Cimmareia is a land lost to legend long before the founding of Equestria. Herein are the tales of Roanan, a barbarian who stamped her hoofmarks into the history of the lost continent of Hayboria and carved a bloody path to forge her own destiny.
Note: I had originally intended all these stories to be in a single volume but I think marking them as incomplete is causing people to skip over them, so I'm going to publish all new material as a new story. If you want to see other stories in this series, please just click on my user page.
Chapters (1)
4641283 Thanks, that's just what this needed.
Not bad at all overall, the various ponifications of names are well done and the story is descriptive enough.
4641591 Does it need more description? When you say it is "descriptive enough," that makes me think you want more.
4641597
The only flaw is that sometimes the action/scene is not ponified enough.
I know ponies can grip things in hoof, but it's weird to picture the scene and imagine it's done by quadrupeds. The dagger in mouth is easier to imagine and seems more natural I think.
How did she grab and throw the chest ? For a human this scene is descriptive enough, but not for a pony. Maybe if Roanan bucked the chest ( she's an earth pony, she should be accurate and strong enough to do it ) the scene could feel more natural.
There is other scenes/actions like this, trying to ponify them could improve the immersion a little more, make the readers really pictures ponies instead of human/anthros characters.
4641636 Sorry, and I really do appreciate your feedback, but fighting with swords in your hooves is completely canon.
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121205053046/mlp/images/thumb/4/4a/Apple_Bloom_fencing_S2E6.png/640px-Apple_Bloom_fencing_S2E6.png
Now, I think I will go back and have Roanan use her hind legs more in combat. Earth ponies most powerful attack is bucking from what we've seen.
4641636 I've thought about it and I see your point about immersion. It occurs to me that perhaps they fight with weapons both ways for different reasons:
"The Tower of the Elephant" is one of my favorite Conan stories, and it was a really wonderful treat to see it here in ponified form. I really got a kick out of the ways you managed to take the names from the story and make them pony-related, I thought "Yeeha" in particular was a very clever twist on the original Yara.
All around, great work! I look forward to seeing further adventures of Roanan of Cimmareia.