Her friends seemed to be satisfied. Rarity and Pinkie Pie had no problem with placing the blame for Fluttershy's behavior solely on Iron Will. However, Fluttershy, racked with guilt, knows she needs to take responsibility for her actions. Taking place immediately after the events of the episode, "Putting your Hoof Down," this story dives deep into the internal conflict Fluttershy faces. After all, placing the blame on Iron Will and forgetting about it would be easy, but could Fluttershy live with herself?
Chapters (1)
This was good. Always felt that Iron Will got a bad rap. He didn't do anything wrong. Sure, he was loud and tough, but that does not a villain make. Hell, if that were the case, Rainbow Dash could just as easily be blamed. Iron Will gave Fluttershy the tools to stick up for her self. But it was Fluttershy's own insecurities that caused her to lash out.
It would be pointless to do the petition because she broke Iron Will's message, as well as his will, when she said no to paying him. I'm not saying that the story was bad, just poking a plot hole in the petition. She did say those things under bad advice she took too far though, I can agree.
Oh! he missed it!
On a more serious note though, I liked this story a lot. You bring up a lot of things that make sense, but aren't mentioned often enough. Fluttershy has hundreds of animals to take care of, and many fanfics just gloss over that fact. Another thing I think you did well here was the mannerisms of Fluttershy and her pets. In the show you see a side of Angel that is malicious and manipulative, but he does have a caring side as well, and you represented that beautifully here. Considering how old of an episode this is though, I never expected to see something being done so long after it aired, and I'm pleased to see that you did a good job with it. However, there were some issues with this story as well. Although your mannerisms of Flutters were accurate, the dialogue of her and the other two felt just slightly off. You were close, but just didn't quite hit the mark there. Also, the pacing feels a bit quick at the end of the story, and I feel like the interaction with spike was fumbled a bit. It wasn't bad, but could have been handled better.
Considering that we're the same age though, this is far above what I could do. Well done man!
4625175 Thanks a lot for reading! I honestly never expected to even get my story approved, let alone receive the kind of response it did in such a sort period of time! I will agree that some dialogue came off a bit stilted however, and *facepalm* at that whole "handwriting" thing. Maybe that will teach me not to be so critical with the show's writers when the occasional "hand" slips in. ^.^
4625065 You just described everything I had in mind while writing this! I was worried that people wouldn't understand where I was coming from with this, but you obviously didn't have any problems :). Thanks for reading.
4625333
Well I believe that you deserve it. It's good to see some original ideas instead of re-hashing things that have been done to death. You have a lot of potential. Quick question though, do you plan on writing anything else?
4625390 with this kind of reception I can't see why not. I love MLP and writing Is sort of therapeutic for me. And heck, I have nothing better to do! It might be a while before I start up again though, I kinda stressed myself out on this one XD.
4625411
Stressed yourself out how exactly?
4625371
You're very welcome
4625421 I just went a little lesson zero with the whole thing, no biggie.
I have to admit, I don't read this kind of story all that often. When I saw the cute cover art and the description of the story though, I figured I'd give it a check. While it does have the occasional "new author" mistakes every now and then, I can't blame you. You wrote fairly well for how old you say you are in your bio.
I was surprised to see a more serious, yet cute, take on the whole Iron Will fling, and it was an enjoyable story. Almost makes me want to read more cutesy stories like this, since this does have a bit of a dark tone at one point, it seemed (to me at least).
It's nice to realize when you've gone too far, and you didn't mean it.
All in all, in my sub-review of personal opinions and whatnot having read the story last night and only recalling that:
I give the story a personal reading of 5/10.
+1P for being a new author and posting your first story.
+2P for the story idea, I never would have thought of it this far into the series.
+1P for the character interactions, despite them kinda being iffy from time to time, but that's just the "new author" kicking in.
+1P for the execution of the story, and don't take this in a bad way. Even some of the best stories I've read only get up to +3P for execution.
You've got a lot of room for improvement, but still some room of getting worse.
As far as I can see, you can only get better from here.
If you ever need help with anything, hit me up. I'm on here every day.
((Insert Incomprehensible Babbling Here.)) - Projected "Disembodied" Voice
4626485 Thanks! It's great to see such well thought out, honest reviews for this after a lifetime of exposure to the YouTube comments section, with its whole "git gud" attitude. Thinking back, I can't recall ever writing anything this long (and even then,I can tell this is really short for fan fiction 0.0). my school systems "English" class with the whole boring, paint-by-numbers 5 paragraph essay every 2 months is hardly practice for this kind of writing, and doesn't do justice to how difficult it can be (oh, Timmy, your essay wasn't incoherent slop so 10/10!). All rambling aside, I am honored that people took this so serious, and gave it a shot in the first place. :)
I thought this was really good! You write well, and it was read easily. You only had some grammar mistakes, with not capitalizing and other things so small that I can't even remember them at the moment. But I thought it really was very good, and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future, hopefully! Great job!
4627992 thanks a ton! I can't tell you how pleasantly surprised I am at some of these comments I receive, they really make my day.