Nightmare Moon's Tiny Adversary
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Chapter 3
Part 1
Celestia soared over Ponyville, her eyes darting about in search of her student and Nightmare Moon. She was met with little success, as the town itself seemed deserted and devoid of life, until the princess finally noticed a guard she knew all too well. Overwatch was escorting a group of mares into some sort of boutique with one of her fellow guards sprawled unconscious across her back.
Not wasting a moment, Celestia folded her wings and dropped from the sky like an anvil. With a loud thud, she landed on the earth right behind the guard mare, who jumped forward in surprise before twisting around to aim her glowing horn at the princess.
Overwatch’s eyes opened wide, and the aura around her horn disappeared. “Y-y-your Highness?” she stammered out.
“Princess Celestia!” exclaimed a white mare behind the guard, but the princess ignored her as she pulled her four hooves from the ground and shook the dirt from her golden horseshoes.
“Twilight. Nightmare Moon. Where are they?” she asked between deep breaths, her firm tone more a command than a question.
Overwatch shook off her confusion and was about to answer when the rainbow maned pegasus behind her piped up first, pointing at the large building in the middle of Ponyville. “She’s in Town Hall, Princess, with th—”
Celestia immediately spread her wings and sped off in the pointed direction, the wind from her departure throwing back a few of the gathered ponies.
“Oh Tartarus!” Overwatch exclaimed, getting back to her hooves. “Why’d you say that? Oooh, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad!”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow before she snapped out her retort, “Why are you so agitated about what I said? I thought you’d be happy she’s here and off to do what you failed to do.”
Overwatch let out a frustrated cry. “Because Twilight and Nightmare Moon were getting along fine! With Celestia in the mix, there’s no way no way this will end well!
This cannot be happening, this cannot be happening, Celestia thought in fear as the distance from Town Hall decreased with alarming speed. She cocked back a foreleg, ready to smash through the wooden doors by force before a familiar voice captured her attention.
“Celestia!”
The shout echoed throughout the open space, and the princess slammed her hooves down into the ground, leaving four deep furrows behind as she skidded to a halt in front of the closed door. She whirled around in the direction of the voice, only to see a dark cloud-like smoke flowing through the window and reforming into the armor-clad shape of her sister.
“Nightmare Moon!” Celestia shouted, anger boiling in her like lava. She spread her mighty wings without hesitation, and with one powerful stroke, she dashed into the air towards her opponent, her horn lit with magic and ready to strike.
Much to the white alicorn’s annoyance however, Nightmare Moon didn’t even bother to face her, instead darting away in what seemed like retreat.
“You won’t escape me again!” Celestia called, flapping her wings even faster before employing teleportation in order to catch her foe, but whenever she got close enough, Nightmare Moon responded by switching forms to her dark mist and darting off to the side.
The alicorns soon reached the outskirts of Ponyville, and Celestia appeared with a bright flash in front of Nightmare Moon, disrupting the dark alicorn’s magic with a flick of telekinesis before she could turn herself into mist again. The corrupted princess stumbled back, and the two alicorns glared daggers at each other, the fires of hate and determination visible in their eyes.
The moon shone brighter than ever in the cloudless sky as the two powerful alicorns hovered in silence. A half a minute passed of nothing besides the whistling of the wind before Nightmare Moon spoke. “Tis always a displeasure to see you, dear sister, even after a thousand years. At least we had a pleasant time in the company of your student before you arrived to barged in.”
Celestia’s pupils shrunk and a cold chill went through her body. She took a deep breath before she spoke again, her face contorted in a tense scowl. “What have you done to Twilight? If you hurt her, I swear—”
Nightmare Moon suddenly burst into laughter, cutting off Celestia with the echoing peals of her cackle before flashing an innocent smile. “Hurt her? My my, Celestia, must you always assume the worst of me? We just had a friendly conversation,” she said lightly. “We have learned so many interesting facts from your student, and the time we spent together was quite enjoyable.”
Celestia gave her adversary an evaluative look, her expression unreadable. “Is this some sort of twisted humor?”
Nightmare Moon chuckled again. “Oh, we are dead serious, dear sister, though whether you choosest to believe our words matters little to us.”
With a swirl of her violet magic, the black alicorn conjured a long thin black-silver sword, the ethereal blade wreathed in all-consuming darkness. When she spoke again, it was with the Royal Canterlot Voice. “We challenge thee to a duel to the death! To the victor, whether through blade or magic, shall go the leadership of Equestria. Dost thou accept our challenge?” Nightmare Moon roared, swinging her sword in a wide arc before aiming it towards Celestia.
“I am not going to play your foolish games, Nightmare Moon. I will stop you by any means necessary, and I will get back my sister!” Celestia said as she charged her horn. Unable to use the rays of the sun to form her own searing blade, she shot a beam of golden magic towards Nightmare Moon, forcing her to evade before the beam could burn more than the tip of her draconic wing.
“So thou refusest our honorable challenge? We expected nothing more disgraceful from you, sister. We shall ensure that thou dies in disgrace!” Nightmare Moon declared as she dove towards Celestia, weaving to and fro between the blistering beams racing past her.
The cursed blade sped towards Celestia’s neck at an alarming speed. Without breaking eye contact with Nightmare Moon for even a moment, the white alicorn twisted around in midair, using her wings to somersault onto her back as the dark blade lunged past her nose, missing by mere centimeters.
Celestia continued to roll until she was upright, her eyes attempting to read Nightmare Moon’s next attack as her adversary flared her wings to burn out her speed before making a quick turnaround. With her foe in front and exposed, Celestia shot a beam of magic right into her enemy’s chest. Nightmare looked back in shock before the attack sent her flying backward, her chest leaving a small trail of smoke as she spiraled down.
Taking the initiative, Celestia dove after her foe, though she soon put on the brakes when she noticed the mass of storm clouds gathering below her in the previously clear sky. Thunderbolts arced out to strike her, and electricity lanced through her muscles and bones. Her wings seized up, and she was sent tumbling down. Nightmare Moon took the opportunity to put herself at the height advantage, leveling out as Celestia fell past her.
Celestia lifted her head to see Nightmare Moon once again diving after her. Her eyes opened in panic as the dark blade was sent once again flying straight at her throat. She steeled her expression and relit her horn, waiting for the blade to get into striking distance before teleporting right behind Nightmare Moon at a well-calculated distance.
Catching her adversary off guard, Celestia hooked her long foreleg around Nightmare Moon’s neck, squeezing it against her own golden peytral. Draconic wings flapped desperately and ineffectively to pull out of an uncontrollable dive. The solar princess quickly added her other foreleg to tighten her vice grip against Nightmare Moon’s neck, feeling as her muscles, forged over years of training just for this moment, began overpowering her foe’s resistance. The slick sweat that covered both alicorns only served to increase Nightmare Moon’s frantic scrabbling as the crushing hold tightened even more.
Celestia’s attention was drawn to her opponent’s long horn when it flared up in a dark aura, swinging the sharp blade towards her. She quickly brought her own telekinesis in arms against Nightmare Moon’s for control over the sword as the two continued to plummet downwards.
Possession over the sword slowly swung in Celestia’s favor, but her concentration was momentarily interrupted by an arc of pain rushing through her back. She quickly reasserted her grasp over the weapon before turning back to see what had struck her, noticing the storm clouds once again looming over the battlegrounds.
Celestia was prepared the next time she was struck. Her hold on Nightmare Moon’s weapon did not falter the second time, and she quickly gained a good amount of control over the blade as her adversary sunk more magic into striking her with lightning.
“If you think a bit of pain can distract me, think again!” the white alicorn cried out, smirking as she tightened her stranglehold once again. The renewed headlock elicited a tiny gag from Nightmare Moon, who grit her teeth and set upon the alicorn on her back anew with a flurry of lightning bolts, swinging her head back in an attempt to dislodge the white alicorn from her back.
Despite the attack, Celestia, with a final bit of effort, wrested full possession of the sword away. The dark essence around the weapon writhed and boiled under her magic, and a few seconds later, it disintegrated back into nothing.
With her foe disarmed, Celestia braced herself against Nightmare Moon, putting the dark alicorn between her and the rapidly approaching ground, flapping a few times to propel them both ever faster downwards. “Give me back my sister!”
Nightmare Moon let out a savage growl and gave Celestia a particularly ferocious backwards headbutt. The dark alicorn lit her horn again, this time slipping out of her opponent’s grasp in the form of a purple mist, allowing Celestia to fall through before rematerializing back in the air.
The sun princess swiftly spread her wings, pulling up sharply to avoid crashing into the ground before landing lightly on her hooves and turning back towards Nightmare Moon.
“Y-y-your sister… does not... w-want to be with you… any longer,” the dark alicorn snarled between wheezing coughs. She lit her horn again, and a veil of darkness descended upon the two fighters. Celestia immediately lit her horn for some visibility, though it did little to cut into the blackness around her.
“Thou pushed us away and took praise for our work! While we were fighting thine enemies and helping thy subjects, thou hid behind thy papers, manipulating everypony like a weak coward! A disgrace!” Nightmare Moon yelled from the darkness as Celestia looked around in confusion, unable to locate the source of the strikingly familiar voice.
“Thou choosest to face us now, but art thou still the coward thou were a thousand years ago, or hast thou finally learned how to feel shame?”
A dark, inky bolt, crackling with energy and power, struck Celestia before she could even notice it, sending her flying. She extended her wings again, rolling a few times until she recovered her balance before swerving out of the path of another bolt. Nearly blind under the dark shroud, Celestia erected a golden barrier around herself, neatly catching a few more projectiles and thunderbolts.
Celestia kept her shield up, pinned down by a lengthy barrage of projectiles, though she watched closely as the impact points wove around her barrier like a snake, giving a rough estimation of where her foe was. At the next lull, she drew her power back from her shield, letting it all out in one single blinding flare, a painful burst of light in the darkness that assaulted her foe’s eyes. Nightmare Moon let out an involuntary shriek, and Celestia took full advantage of the opportunity, instantly dropping the veil with a powerful bolt that hammered into her foe’s side.
The fight quickly devolved into bedlam. Celestia and Nightmare Moon entered the engagement with whatever they could throw at the other, evading and teleporting whenever they could and exchanging magic beams, thunderbolts, and hard hooves, just as often missing as they were spiking the other alicorn into the ground or a tree. Armor and horseshoes dented into unusable shapes and were soon discarded, the shimmering pieces lying scattered and ignored, yet the two continued, heedless of their growing injuries.
“Thou hast improved, sister,” Nightmare Moon panted, impressed despite herself. "When didst the manipulative, weak coward thou were turn into a warrior?"
She swung a vicious low-blow at Celestia, though the white alicorn reflexively darted to the side, returning a titanic kick that struck home into Nightmare Moon's already damaged throat.
“You can thank my student for that,” Celestia responded, mentally trying to keep her mind focused on keeping Nightmare Moon at bay before it could wander off to unwelcome images of Twilight’s dead, unmoving body in Town Hall. “Her resolve inspired me to better myself. She showed me that I cannot always solve all of my problems with diplomacy or depend on others to do it for me. For the sake of my subjects, I will gladly get my own hooves dirty.”
A dark dagger materialized in the air next to Nightmare Moon, sent speeding towards Celestia’s head before it even finished forming. The solar princess swung her head to the side and unleashed another blast of solar plasma that glanced off of her opponent’s foreleg, leaving a painful burn mark. The blade still cut a long wound across Celestia’s cheek, but her hasty counterattack meant that Nightmare Moon had gained no more ground than she had started with.
“Thy student taught thee a valuable lesson. Tis a pity we will still have to kill thee despite her wishes,” Nightmare Moon replied before charging her horn for another magic bolt.
Celestia charged a bolt of her own in the lull, releasing it at the same time Nightmare Moon shot hers. The two spell bolts, one burning bright and the other pitch black and crackling with violet sparks, collided violently into each other, releasing their energy in a thunderous explosion that sent both alicorns reeling back.
The solar princess was sent crashing through a tree at the edge of the forest surrounding Ponyville. With a quick push from a levitation spell and a flap of her wings, Celestia freed herself from the tangle of branches and leaves, taking off once again into the air. She wiped the blood from her face and glared at the unkempt dark alicorn, who flew up to match her.
The two princesses circled each other warily, and Celestia realized that Nightmare Moon was moving with much more caution, wary at their unexpectedly even hoofing in spite of the fact that the Princess of the Night should have had the clear advantage in her own domain.
“‘Despite her wishes?’” Celestia asked, charging towards her foe anew. “What does my student have to do with this? Nightmare Moon, what have you done with her?”
Nightmare Moon deflected her foe’s jab and cross, retaliating with a powerful right hook that connected cleanly. “She merely answered a few of our questions and provided us with valuable information. For instance, we learned what you really think of us!” she spat out, leading into another flurry of blows.
Celestia drew her forelegs up to block the first few hits before lashing out with an unrelenting buck into the stomach of her foe. “Impossible! My student would never provide you with information unless you forced her to!” she growled, the edges of her mane flickering with the flames of rage as she restabilized herself in the air, broken feathers shedding off with each flap.
Both alicorns lit their horns, simultaneously unloosing yet another magical attack. Two beams of magic shot towards each other, meeting in the middle with a deafening roar. The two strained to overpower their foe’s magical might, and the meeting of the two beams pushed back and forth in what appeared to be another stalemate.
"Think what you want, Celestia, but I couldn’t care any less. You turned our subjects against us, and you selfishly manipulated your way to become sole ruler of Equestria! Luna was nothing but your obedient pet!” Nightmare Moon declared, channeling even more power into her attack and tipping the balance against Celestia.
“Luna has always been dear to me. It is not for you to judge the mistakes I’ve made in the past!” Celestia replied with sweat trickling down her brow as she put more magic into her overheating horn as well, the flickering of flames in her mane growing into a blaze.
“Thine ignorance has no end!” Nightmare Moon cried, her voice suddenly adopting a clear, youthful tone. “Thou turned a blind eye when thy subjects treated me as a monster, and then thou banished me to the moon!”
Celestia’s brow furrowed, and she blinked in shock and confusion. “Sister, I had no choice! You were possessed! She tried to bring eternal night—”
“Silence!” Nightmare Moon boomed. “Thou thinkest us a fool! Dost thou believe we would doom our subjects for our own selfish desires? We had never wished to harm them, even when they forced our hoof! Even with their abhorrence of our very being! None of them! Never did we wish to bring the curse of eternal night!”
Celestia’s horn faltered, nearly cutting out completely, and she was forced to weave to the left to dodge the beam of dark energy, which warped the air around it as it shot straight at the nearby hill next to Ponyville. The resulting blast left crater where it hit, humming with shadow magic.
“What?”
Nightmare Moon charged blindly at Celestia, tears streaming from her eyes as she let loose a wild whirlwind of hooves at the sun alicorn. “We wanted thee to share thy rule equally, to tell our subjects that we were not some mere shadow to your light! Our power was absolute in the night, and we were not going to let thee raise the sun so that thou couldst bring us under thine oppressive hoof again!”
Celestia blinked in confusion, and her resolve wilted. Nightmare Moon reared back before delivering a crushing headbutt, followed immediately with a powerful buck that sent her flying back into Ponyville proper. The white alicorn smashed into the ground with a resounding thud, bouncing up only to be spiked into the ground again by the dark blur that was Nightmare Moon.
“We never intended to kill thee, nor had we intended to keep the sun from thy grasp any longer than needed, yet for our hesitation, thou banished us to the moon for a thousand years! This time however, this time we shall not falter, and we shall not fail to make thee suffer as we have suffered!” the corrupted princess cried out, bucking the limp alicorn up into the air before unleashing an explosive blast of dark magic into Celestia’s belly and sending her flying into the air again.
“Let go of me!” Twilight shouted, her voice echoing inside the empty Town Hall. “I have to stop the princesses from fighting!”
“Not in your condition, you’re not!” Overwatch shouted to her change, keeping the little mare suspended in the air with her telekinesis. “Miss Dash and I rushed here as soon as the princesses left, and you know what we saw? We saw a mare barely able to stand on her hooves, let alone cast any sort of spell that would get her anywhere close to the princesses without getting disintegrated by a stray beam! I don’t know how you’re still holding together in the pitiful state you’re in, but you are going to get yourself patched together before you do any more damage to yourself!”
Twilight gathered up the energy to try and teleport away, but her concentration was quickly disrupted when her guard pricked at her horn with a spark.
“P-please…”
“No!” Overwatch immediately replied. “I’ve already sent Miss Dash to get medical help. At her speed, it shouldn’t be long in arriving, but for now, we’re not going anywhere!”
A shuddering crash that shook the ground drew both of their attentions outside, and the two looked through the window to find that Celestia had crashed into the ground just outside the doors of Town Hall, her stomach smoking and burnt. They looked outside in shock as Nightmare Moon swooped in, landing with a flutter in front of the fallen alicorn, yet hardly in better shape than her foe.
Overwatch recovered first. “Twilight, forget everything I just said. We're leaving.”
“What?” Twilight exclaimed, her efforts at escaping beginning anew. “We have to go help them! We can’t let them hurt each other anymore!”
Outside, the weak voice of Celestia filtered through. “L-Luna… I had no idea—”
Overwatch had ducked down, her eyes darting around frantically for another escape route. “Twilight, this is not the time.”
“Save it,” Nightmare Moon responded coldly. “Thy student opened our eyes. Thou didst not wish to just take Equestria for thyself. Thou had done far worse, and now, thou wilt pay for it.”
Twilight took advantage of Overwatch’s distracted mind and quickly charged up her teleportation spell again. This time, she successfully disappeared in a bright flash, landing just outside on the porch of the Town Hall.
“Stop! Please!” she cried out desperately.
Celestia and Nightmare Moon both turned to look at her, astonished. Their heavy breaths were painfully obvious to the tiny mare outside and only served to highlight the poor state the alicorns were in. A wide range of lacerations and burn marks spotted once pristine fur. Feathers were barely hanging on to Celestia’s wings, and Nightmare Moon’s wings looked more like torn fabric than bat wings. Blood left its morbid trails across their bodies, and it was clear that even Nightmare Moon, who could regain her energy from her beloved moon, was exhausted and fit to collapse.
“Twilight…” Celestia murmured, a relieved smile on her face as she breathed out a sigh.
Nightmare Moon turned her draconic eyes to the little mare and, in a voice tinged with regret, said, “We are truly sorry for what we have to do, Twilight, but—”
The doors to Town Hall suddenly slammed open in a burst of telekinesis, and a distraught Overwatch stood on the other side. She looked immediately to find Twilight, but her eyes darted up to Nightmare Moon, and then drifted past Nightmare Moon. The guard’s mouth dropped open and she simply said one word:
“No.”
It was an exclamation of sheer disbelief and dismay, and Nightmare Moon immediately swiveled around, her eyes wide open in horror. The black alicorn barely got a shield up before she became the target of a withering barrage of bolts. Projectiles ripped up nearly everything in their path, and more than a few completely missed Nightmare Moon and peppered the Town Hall behind her, blowing smoking holes across the front of the building.
Twilight was immediately snatched up in Overwatch’s telekinesis and jerked back inside just before a thunderous explosion rocked Nightmare Moon off balance. The female guard barely managed to slam the doors shut when the black alicorn was sent flying towards them, barrier and all. The ball of magic slammed straight through the weakened structure, knocking the doors down and taking a large chunk of the walls with them in a roaring cacophony.
Celestia grit her teeth as she straightened up, despite the protests of her aching muscles. She drew in a gasp when she turned back around in search of her precious student, only to find rubble and wreckage in her place, with magical projectiles continuing to rain down like meteors. The sun alicorn let out a yelp as she struggled to stand up, her foreleg threatening to snap under the new force, and she turned to the line of Royal Guards letting loose with everything they had.
“Cease fire! Cease fire!”
***
Nightmare Moon’s barrier popped as soon as she broke through, and she bounced across the marble floor, sliding to a stop amidst piles of dust and debris. She opened her eyes and tried to sharpen her vision, keeping her head down as the barrage of magical projectiles continued to hammer into the building.
She spotted Twilight’s unicorn guard, who was lying motionless under several substantial pieces of masonry, her helmet taken clean off and thrown across the room sporting a new dent. Twilight, however…
The telltale glow of magenta magic caught her eye, dim and weak, yet wrapped around one of the large entrance doors under a substantial layer of debris. Nightmare Moon immediately rose to her hooves, and though a stray projectile froze her bleeding foreleg in a layer of ice, she reached out with her magic towards the same door.
She was not going to let her best subject die buried under stone and wood.
***
Twilight’s horn was ablaze, trying to keep the wooden door and the pile of rubble sitting on top of it at bay. In the back of her mind, she knew that she should have run out of energy long ago, yet something was keeping her reserves up, despite all that had happened. However, even that was running out, and she could feel more and more pressure pinning her to the floor as her magic quickly reached its limits. The door fell ever closer to her, and the tiny mare wasn’t sure if her protection spell could have finally met its match in the weight bearing down on her.
To Twilight’s surprise, however, the massive door suddenly became lighter, held in both a golden and a dark violet aura, and was thrown to the side into another pile of wreckage.
The tiny mare used what little strength she had to lift her head, looking into the concerned face of Nightmare Moon. “Th-th-thank…” she murmured out, before she fell back to the floor exhausted. Pegasus guards streamed in through the opening, brandishing enchanted blades and bellowing battle cries, but before Twilight could tell what was happening or what Nightmare was doing, her eyes closed and she fell straight into unconsciousness.
Not okay that you ended it with such a cliff hanger. I don't think I've ever before been in such a state of want for the next chapter.
Anyhow, will Twiny meet Trixie, Discord, Chrysalis and Sombra as well?
Exciting chapter! Wiill Twilight still make friends and get the elements though?
Good show ma boy!
Yay.
And you asked, so: No, I never press the music links; I find them distracting.
4640423
In the looooong future yes, but keep in mind that my top editors work on this story, and high quality require a lot of waiting between chapters.
Also, sorry for Cliffhanger, but sadly the best locations for chapter breaks are usually on cliffhangers, many of them are not even intentional.
4640427
You will have to read to find out.
4640432
Thanks, though I noticed that readers are more interested in Twiny's adventures rather than fighting scenes, and I hoped that considering how rarely Celestia have a chance to be a badass in a story (in 90% of stories she is either useless or have her flank kicked), it would get more attention.
4640462
Should I remove them, or do they don't really hurt the story in the slighest?
4640468
I don't really care about them; Keep them for those who uses them.
I can see Discord falling in love with Twiny, "You like being small because every day is different when everything is a challenge?... How, Chaotic."
I usually enjoy the music but my Kindle isn't able to let me read at same time as listening.
Regarding the music links, I'm of two minds on them.
On the one hand, I agree with MehWasAlreadyTaken. I never click them while reading because, at best, listening to them while reading harms the immersiveness of the story.
Background music works in a game or film because your brain is focused on perceiving and spends little effort on imagining. In a written work, your brain is focused on imagining. Music links work if you're giving the reader the option of listening to something being sung or performed within the story but, otherwise, it just causes the "perceiving" and "imagining" parts of the brain to fight for dominance. (Like trying to remember a song while in a noisy environment.)
(It also doesn't help that no song will ever perfectly match the feel which my imagination is deriving from the words, which worsens the problem since, even when I do manage to perceive the story through the music's constant reminder that I'm not really there, my emotions still end up trying to feel two contradictory "contexts" at once.)
However, on the other hand, once I've finished reading a chapter, I do click on them since I'm always looking for new music I've never heard before.
My verdict: They belong in the author's notes as a "This is what I had in mind for..." thing.
The end result of all the training with minni Twilight?
Celestia beats NMM like a drum and was pwning her until NMM said that she wouldnt have really created eternal night, just a longer night than normal ...
Tia - 2 NMM - 0
4640485
This kinda reminds me of another story ...
Twilight wins Discord over by giving him what he wants and converting him over to Chaotic Good instead of Chaotic Chaotic...
(I am going to mangle this quote from Discord to Chrissy but ...) "She is my little purple unicorn. Go get your own."
I feel like taking the opportunity to say that it always bugs me when words that begin with "th" are stuttered like "T-t-the" instead of "Th-th-the" because if you read the first it really comes out like "Tuh-tuh-the" instead of the more proper "Thuh-thuh-the".
Ya know what I mean?
Personally I do thing the links to the Music are an unnecessary detraction.
I did thoroughly enjoy this chapter and I cant wait for more.
gah the suspense is kiling me
i hope we can have more chapters soon since i want to know how it will go with NightmareMoon/Luna and Celestia and of course Twiny.
4640484
Okay.
4640485
I bet Twilight would give Discord a run for his money, though I think Pinkie is far more chaotic than Twilight.
4640507
If more people will agree with you, I will move the music links to author notes. I personally rarely listen to music when reading a fanfic, but whenever i start reading Harry Potter/Nightmare Moon/Luna crossover, I listen to the Harry Potter related theme, it help me get into athmosphere of the story.
4640545
It just prove that all the training and hard work Celestia had before the confrontation paid off. Celestia being a tricky teacher in the show really help main 6 develop their skills, but as downside, making others save the day kind of made Celestia unable to do it herself. In this story she is trying to be more active in dealing with threat and it pays off.
4640554
Pinkie: Sure, but I need Twilight for a moment, or else I cannot copy her in mirror poll.
4640608
Can you tell me where exaclly in my story I used "t-t-the" ?
Because in this chapter I found only "t-t-thank you."
4640622
Should I move music links to author notes than, or delete?
4640608 Uhm...No, I'm not...And each people have their own stutter. (at least from what I gathered you were saying)
4640687 Let me tell you what happened to me while I was reading.
I had just finished reading the first paragraph and I was wondering:
"Whats going to happen? Will they fight or will Twilight be able to stop them? How long until the two sisters meet? Will they start fighting straight away or will there be an attempt at reconciliation first which may prove successful or lead to anger, heated words and more voilence then there would have been otherwise."
Then the next thing I read is this. "COMBAT MUSIC"
Before I Have even begun reading the paragraph, I know that:
1. They will fight and 2. They will fight Very soon.
It Pulled me out of the moment. It was kinda like watching a show, movie or reading a book for the first time and having someone tell you what happens Next just before it actually happens. And incase that has never happened to you let me just say, It is very annoying.
Now I love this story, The writing is good, everyone is well written, the action is well written, The conversations are believable and feel natural, The portrayal of Luna/Nightmare moon is FANTASTIC! But this is an issue that I feel dose need to be addressed. You want to include music to help increase reader submersion? That's fine. Lots of people like it and I can understand why, but there are better ways of doing it. Consider Linking people to music in a way that dose not spoil it. Maybe have a foot note, that links to the Authors notes and you can put the link there. Or have a link to music like you do now, but ensure the title dose not give away what is about to happen.
At the end of the day its not really a huge issue, but it is worth considering what you want to do with this since the issue has been raised. I hope my opinion gave you some sort of insight and helps you make your decision, regardless of what that may be.
I love your writing, keep up the good work and I look forward to the next chapter.
NebulaNyx Out.
Good story and give us more for it
This stuff never gets old
Has anyone else wondered what would happen if she went into alicorn mode and un-tinied herself?
4640776 Music actually ruins immersion. When the reader takes their focus off the story to click a link, it takes away from the immersion factor.
I never listen to the music people link in their fics for that reason.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
More please.
I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't put music links inside your writing. I don't really like clicking on links that people set out for me, and it distracts me from what's actually happening for a brief moment. Then when I read on, I feel like I'm missing out on what the author envisioned for a piece.
In movies or television shows, music is custom tailored to each scene, rising when the action intensifies and punctuating important moments, so I believe that trying to place music in a piece of writing, where everyone reads at a different pace, can only be sloppily done. If your writing is good enough, the reader should already be involved in what's happening without you putting additional cues in.
Those are just my two cents. Regardless, this is still your story, and if you believe more people would be happier with it, keep the music in. I'm certainly not representative of any community as a whole.
4640687
I was just using "the" as an example of a word that begins with "th", sorry if that wasn't clear.
4640699
I was describing how it would be read phonetically.
You'd think if Celestia really loved her sister she'd order the guards to....you know. NOT kill her?
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Don't worry, I removed the links to the music.
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With time, with time.
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Spike: It won't end well.
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Their original orders are to weaken and capture Nightmare Moon, but the sight of their ruler being beaten up probably pushed them over the edge. Celestia need to ignore her own wounds and calm down her army before it is to late.
4641374 Me neither. I never listen to it.
4642338 With me, just seeing the links messes with my immersion, the only thing worse than a link for music is when someone puts a youtube player smack dab in the middle of a chapter.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
4642343 Yeah, I hate that. That's the worst.
There are things in this world which I love.
Most of them is parts of life.
You got into the top 20... Presumably around 10-15.
What is one you ask? Well... That's family. becasue I'm afraid if I didn't say that it would be the end for me.
The fight was pretty damn awesome, and I found myself playing DBZ battle music in my head as I read. But to Twiny at the end there, all I can do is this...
Limits of the mind and body must sometimes be obeyed, Twi.
Can't wait for more!
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BUT FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!
4 out of 4 alicorns recommend friendship over family.
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Thanks.
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Her logical part of mind know it, but her adventurous part keep ignoring it.
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I don't get it.
A story where Nightmare Moon/Luna being able to get over her problems without rainbow slinging necklaces brain washing her mind into getting rid of her past traumas?
I see Nightmare Moon as a sort of split personality due to the treatment Luna constantly endured from almost every living creature... she bottled up the negative feelings until she couldn't bottle anymore and thus Nighmare Moon was created when that bottle broke, I would imagine split personalities and magic make an interesting combo so that explains the physical change Luna had.
If we apply this possibility and then think about HOW the elements would 'cure' a split personality which even if she a seperate thinking entity from Luna she still a part of Lunas mind... it's like ripping a part of yourself so to see a story that seems to be leading to the conclusion that the elements won't be needed is a refreshing change from the norm and im loving every minute of it!
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Check my blog with Twiny arts if you liked it. In this blog I gathered ever single tiny Twilight art I managed to find on deviant art.
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I cannot quarantee that elements won't be used as they are important part of MLP, but I will try to be unpredictable with the outcome.
As for NMM, I agree, she seems more of split personality from Luna.
Hurray for updates!!
Okay, that was an interesting way to solve the fight…
The bad blood continues to be there, though. The situation continues to be a clusterfuck. This will not end well.
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Well, I had to bring it up for every reader who didn't read the first story somehow. I am sure it is not THAT bad.
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Well, she fits in them perfectly, don't she?
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Most likely.
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Tephera put family in the number one spot.
If I explain the joke any further, it's not a joke...
What the heck is a "backwards headbutt"? How does that even work?
4669627 uhh, I have no idea, seems as though her head is on backwards I guess
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Well, she and her soldiers were hurt and needed shelter, waking them up seemed as a best option to ask for it (and also, she tought that defeating a horde of deadly monsters that haunted this village for weeks in an epic battle is worth celebrating).
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As always, go check my blog with Twiny arts I gathered (all tiny Twilight arts I could find in deviant art are there).
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Simple. She swung her head back to hit Celestia with it. After all, Celestia held her neck in vice grip.
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Actually she ascended at one point from a crystal pony into alicorn after creating crystal heart before taking the lead, but it is something I plan to expand upon in the sequel in laaaaater chapters.
Ok i'm back again. But I have a friend who is obsessing over his N64 and playing it while i'm just looking at his face on skype, fackin wat..
Anyways, let's get started. And I can finally listen to my beloved music without someone calling me and just not doing anything..
Insert epic music and cinematic camera movements.
Surely, in your Guard training, you have some teleportation spell that you can get to the Hall and explain everything with, right?
Alright, that friend didnt even notice me muting my mic and his sound. Now I just ended the call and went offline :3
EPIC BATTLE MUSIC AND CINEMATIC CAMERA MOVEMENTS!!!!
Que slow motion!
Also, I think it might be 'summersault' I dunno
Twiny, stahp this skirmish, nao!
These two friends are trying to have conversations galore with me, stahp ppl...
Ok so I did that a few days ago but I finally have the time to do this. Yey!
Just put a Tia face on top of Spike's and it's accurate! :3
She's had worse, she's fine.
She's had worse, she's had worse, she's had worse, she's had worse!!
Ok well someone needs the computer for a while so I gotta go now, and good timing because it's the end of the story, bye!
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You are really onto it, don't you. Well, you will just need to read and see do you was right.
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I am afraid Overwatch was never good in teleportation. It is a very complicated spell and not many can pull it off.
I don't get it.
I am not really sure. She was nearly crushed there, and this time for good.
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Yea. I also wondered why Pinkie made this party just for Twilight when Spike was with her all this time. It was about time he was included in my story.
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Who knows.
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You will see.
Found a little problem in your authors note lol
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I don't see any problems here. Can you point out exacly what is wrong with it?
4718198 when one lose will, should be when one loses their will, and all I can tell should be all I can say