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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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WWAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
orks? damn shit is getting real and we need a "Dis gun b gud gif right here!"
Orcs! FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU....
Greenskins
Come on boyz lets zog us some humies
shits about to get real
lez do dis!
In the 40k universe, the greenskins are known as "Orks" in that very spelling to help differentiate between the J. R. R. Tolkien orcs.
Also, you seem to be abusing the period key on your keyboard. Three dots is enough to show a short pause in dialogue or a trail-off. Any more is just overkill. You really don't need to emphasize it that much. On a short side note:
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2010/168/d/c/Aimin____Wot__s_Dat__by_MajesticChicken.jpg
AIMIN'?! WOTS DAT?!?!
Great chapter. I was hoping to see Ajax just put Rainbow Dash in her place. Like say "I recall you crying and begging like a child at your wing being crushed...maybe I shouldn't have bothered to save your wing." You know just to shut her up, because she owes him a life debt for what he did. And I'm sure Ajax could have beaten those daemons on his own.
459453 I'm not using 40k 'orks' in this universe. I have explained that this is not the warhammer 40K universe, it only borrows the space marines. Will keep in mind the length of periods I use, thanks.
459855 Oh so many chapters would have (black templars, crimson fists and night lords to name but a few), however the Halo skulls pride themselves with their relations to mortals. Instead of retaliating they ask themselves, 'Isn't there something more important that needs doing?'. Also the daemon lord did have Ajax in a very bad way, without Rainbows' intervention Ajax would surely be dead.
476583 Sorry, but it is not set in the 40k universe, and has a different history to the 40k universe. I completely agree that if it were 40k, space marines would not take too kindly to any kind of xeno, hence the alternate universe tag. Also this way I get to give characters fresh new personalities that can interact with the MLP characters.
Is the captain Captain Titus as in
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110908013812/warhammer40k/images/a/a8/Titus.png
Captain Titus?
498681 Aye, it is
500593
Sweet.
518914 Senior captain Titus would be the 'Baws'
Where are my Necrons?! *sad face*
528993 To them, definitely come line later.
Diomedes. When Marines begin to talk about of the galaxy and the history of Imperium of Man? I am curious about the reaction of ponies on the information that they are an island of peace in an ocean of bloodshed and destruction. And the culture shock.
And otherwise, great work. I look forward to the next part.
459453 THIS! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhgIyc0NjGI&feature=my_liked_videos&list=LLWb2eOHcoejKus6lcTzbK-Q
552998 Keep in mind that this is an alternate 40k universe, so the space marines history is a tad less dirty. However rest assured that certain elements of their behavior will be scorned by the equestrian populace.
How where we meant to know
Were.
Dornus took up a jog as the approached the tree,
They.
small creature was unnecessary in any event
While this is probably true, I think you meant to say something more along the lines of "would be of no help."
The mortals where a vast spectrum of personalities
Were.
have all its heart punches clean through
Punched. "All" is unnecessary.
Now that I've reached the current end, I have a few thoughts:
Anthro. It doesn't bother me. Horse-human hybrids make no more or less sense than talking ponies or genetically-engineered supersoldiers from space do. You had a reason for picking that direction, so no big deal. Anyone saying "I don't like it because it's anthro" is being as closed-minded as the non-bronies who say "I don't like it because they're ponies." I don't enjoy MLP because of the fact that they're ponies; I enjoy it because I love the characters that just happen to be ponies. If they happen so be pony-ish in one story, but they're the same characters, who cares?
The "alternate" 40k universe. This one is a bit pricklier. Unlike MLP, which is character-driven, 40k is very much setting-driven. If you try just plucking the space marines out of it and throwing the rest away, it's going to chafe the other fans. When you say that those same space marines can act out of character because they have "a different history" than the space marines we know and love, it almost makes me wonder what the point is then. Maybe it's a chore to come up with a reason for them not to go all purge-mode on the ponies, but that's something that's expected of a crossover. To bridge the gap somehow. It's the same with the "orcs." Is there a compelling reason why they're not "orks," instead? I know they haven't actually appeared yet, but the reasoning for the distinction (or lack thereof) is a tad vexing.
Anyway, those were actually relatively small things in the long run, even though I said a lot about them. In general, the story is quite good. The pacing is fine, the prose is enjoyable, and the action was pretty clear and engaging. The mane 6 stayed well in character, especially Pinkie and Rainbow Dash. Twilight could use a little more Twilightness; she seems to spend so much time in shock towards the events around her, that some of her more recognizable personality traits aren't shining through. AJ and Rarity haven't had enough screen time to get a good assessment.
When I started out, I thought Ajax's character was a bit thin. All I could tell about him was what I was explicitly told: he's young, inexperienced, and a little cocky. That pretty much describes every space marine newbie ever. I got a bit better sense of him once he got on the ground with the ponies, though.
Looking forward to more.
Ave Imperatrix Celestialis.
561747 I will look into the errors you have highlighted, thank you for your feedback.
I have noticed it only while re-reading. WTH?
Alternative Universe is ok with me, but it doesn't explain why ginormous space ships can travel inside the atmosphere.
Most Imperial ships can do that in canon. I don't see why you're surprised. Hell, canon says that, when a ship needs to bring on more
pressgangerscrew, the ship simply enters the atmosphere, parks itself at a tall tower of a hive city, connects to a hive spire, and takes on whomever. Then it leaves the same way it came. It should come as no surprise that Space Marine ships can do the same.The reason should be obvious. Anti-gravity. Something the Imperium is actually quite good at, with mass-produced civilian model anti-grav cars and skimmers quite common on hive and imperial worlds. Why this hasn't been adopted for the Guard is GW wanting to line its pockets with grimdark.
Too many marines.
Whelp, I gave it a shot.
It's ork not orc