No tags so kinda reluctant to start reading but from description it doesn't seem to bad.

interesting story i shall read and track

How far the fanon has come from the shy, meek Luna we interpreted her to be after the second episode. :)

I'm glad to see her *finally* extend a small recognition of Nightlight's effort to follow her orders, too, however he may fail to accomplish all of them. I was beginning to worry you were going to be writing her as a complete monster.

Very, very interesting story.  I like it.  Alot.  

How often do you think you shall be updating?  I'm a Luna fan, and this is a very interesting story, indeed.

[Edit: Redundancy ftw]

@DoctorWhooves: I pretend it has the 'Serious' Tag. Which doesn't exist. yeah.

     EDIT: And am adding the SoL tag, because it's the most appropriate here. yeah.

@FaceDeer: Yes, well... she'll get worse before she gets better.

On the subject of which,

@BassTheBrony: Chapters 4 and 5 are already finished, I'm just holding on to them so there's some faked regularity in my update schedule.

and to everypony saying good things, thanks much.

     EDIT: And to everypony holding back on saying bad things, you don't have to.

No tags. Not sure if want.

>>878315878315

What he said. Your description sounds like this story has some good merit to it, (and I'll probably read this later tonight and give you my thoughts). However I would like to get a sense of what this story will be. (is it a comedy? slice of life? Romance? Adventure? Grimdark?)

I read your comment about it having a "serious" tag (which doesn't exist, hence the lack of tags.) Although It would be nice to at least see one tag. (Even if you plan on it being a serious fic, I'm sure you can find one tag that your story falls into.)

Don't worry too much though, it's not like the lack of tags is some kind of mortal sin or whatever (Heck, regular books don't even come with tags anyway.) But I just feel like it's a courtesy to the reader.

Your ability to convey the constant, oppressive intimidation of Nightlight's service very good. The castle is a harsh place for the staff, and I could really feel the dread of having to face Luna again and again to be ordered around and berated. I sure am glad I don't work there!

The only thing I thought was a little weird was the confrontation outside the club with the guards. Nightlight threatens the guards and nothing happens? What's up with that?

>>878848878848There is nothing bad to say about this...are you charlie sheen?  because you are winning.

A reader pointed out to me that Nightlight's name is mispelled in chapter three as 'Nighright'.

That was intentional; it isn't I that doesn't know the character's name - it's the speaker.

Is the title an intentional reference to Heinlein's book?

>>911019911019 That would be correct. I was rereading said novel some time ago, and was suddenly struck with inspiration, based on the personality we saw in Luna Eclipsed. Keeping the title drew it together succinctly, and thus this fanfic was born.

You've definitely got talent. I write a lot of Luna-centered stories myself, and I gotta say the tension is palpable here. Just from when he approached the Night Guards to the moment her eyes snapped open, that was just golden writing. Very good. I am definitely going to keep reading this one.

It's hard to really like this incarnation of Luna. I'm reminded of a great dog that needs to be swatted on the muzzle to make it calm the buck down. Who, exactly, can do that and live to tell the tale is beyond me. However, I can't fault you for Luna's potency. This is LITERALLY her first night back, so of course she's not accustomed to the way things are in this utopian Equestria. If the Royal Canterlot voice was used so much a thousand years ago, I can't imagine what Celestia was like back then. Using one's voice to keep normal ponies down, they must've been forceful rulers indeed back then.

I'm interested to see how Luna will be, for lack of a better word, "tamed."

Ahhhh, so put her in a LIBRARY and she shuts the buck up, mostly. Got iiiiit. Seems even the Princess of the Night respects the rules of a library.

You're very, very good at conveying the constant intimidation and tension in your writing. I can feel it oozing off the page, especially when using the clock, or distance count-downs to reinforce things like the breakfast scene or his being delivered to Luna.

My only nagging complaint is that we didn't get to see what she was reading.

It's hard to like this version of Luna at first glance. But I have to remind myself she's probably completely out of sorts, and she is treating everyone with the same disdain. I like the little hints that everyone, from the chief stewards to the guards, are all at a bit of a loss, and are actually showing some degree of sympathy in the cracks of their professionalism.

You've definitely gotten my attention with this, and I'm waiting eagerly for more.

Your fic is great and you should feel great

Aw man, poor guy.

Bad Cop Luna is best Luna, though.

great fic great plot, story etc

Criminy. It's well past time for Nightlight to take a lesson from Her Royal Highness and *rip those other ponies a new one*. Where does the Royal Chef get off refusing to prepare food the way a Princess wants? And three librarians who *all* refuse to give a simple answer to a straightforward question? I'm starting to have trouble believing the immense unprofessionalism of the castle staff.

Dangit.  I want moar!

This is fantastic.  Keep it up!

Well, he's bucked. Should not have moved that mirror.......

Y'know, there needs to be a turning point somewhere along the line. If Luna is going to be this titanica of impossible-to-impress, it's going to make for a very frustrating story. I've kind'a come to the point where stuff either needs to start happening, or I need to put the story down. Luna has not conversed with Celestia much beyond the breakfast-- is not one complaining about how Luna is behaving, and how different things are in this era?

That and the constant abuse of Nightlight. When is the poor guy gonna break and just splat Luna's dinner into her face. He's becoming more and more unlikeable because he's acting like a spineless baby. Leave the palace. Turn IN your resignation in paper form. Find ANOTHER job elsewhere. You obviously don't have the spine to give Luna what she NEEDS, rather than what she wants.

This story is getting more and more frustrating as time goes on. I'll read one more chapter after this, then I'm prolly gonna put it down.

I'm loving this.  I feel SO sorry for poor Nightlight.  As your Equestria Daily pre-reader when you initially submitted, I hope you'll be continuing this, and re-submitting it soon after the edit pass I suggested.  We need more fics like this!

... And like Aegis there, I'm wondering when he's just going to snap and go tell Luna to take a flying leap.  Odds are good that it'll be the first time she's impressed by somepony actually showing some spine.

This story isn't having enough attention payed to it.  I can't understand the lack of views this is receiving.

Abusive Luna is abusive, and awesome.  Want to see NL in more impossible situations.

I hope Harvest Moon is okay though.

>>950485950485

Why doesn't Nightlight doesn't splat Luna's dinner in her face or stand up to her? Think of the leader of your country AND a major figure in your religion, then combine them. Now imagine screaming at them and hitting them. He's been pretty much conditioned to respect and obey the Princess. Spineless baby? He's already resigned and is planning to move on.

I do agree though, this is starting to become a little frustrating to read. The castle staff is insufferable and I want to slap almost all of them, except the poor assistant chef. Luna is continuing to be a force of angry and unpleasable. Something does need to happen, one way or another.

You have attained my interest, I shall read later... Also lack of a Shipping tag is a BIG relief compared to a lot of the annoying newer stuff.

Faving now, will comment when I read it

I would like to read something inspired by Robert Heinlen

But this is just fine

>>955842955842

The assistant chef is also unlikeable to me. She refuses to make food and doesn't even bend the rules for the princess? She's not dedicated, she's just hiding behind her orders. That would be like one of the kitchen staff in the White House saying "lolno can't cook for the president! Cuz the head chef said I couldn't!" That's hardheadedness and borderline dereliction of duty. Heck most of the castle staff is like this and it makes me want to fucking KILL them.

Interesting since Luna is in it I'll give it a shot

Image: http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/l/u/lunachallengeplz.png

@NavyPony:

Thanks for sharing this, looking forward to the ending.

Jerkass!Luna is awesome.

Okay, I was about to start reading this, but then you reminded me of Robert Heinlein, then that made me think of science fiction, so therefore I got distracted reading Asimov again.

Interesting...

I concut that Luna is going to have a bot of an attitude adjustment - as are the castle staff. Somepony needs to tell Luna that is she keeps acting like she is, she's going to end up just as isolated and alone as a thousand years prior. A spoonful of sugar catches more flies and all that.

I rather think Nightlight's sudden decision to buck everyone else is indicative that he's far from spineless. Perhaps snarling to a goddess face about how unreasonable she's being is beyond him; but then again, he doesn't strike me as the especially strong personality type who'd be up to that, and Luna is nothing is not overwhelmingly boistrous. It'd be like taking a shouting at from BRIAN BLESSED if he was your God-King - sheer volume and force of personality would drive out most lesser mortals's cognitive processes!

I look forward to the continuation.

When I saw this make it to Eq Daily, it jogged my memory that I saw this when it first came out and was planning on reading it.

Sorry for forgetting :s, but I'm here now, and I gotta say: I'm impressed with the quality.

The character of Nightlight is well done and your interpretation of Luna is radically different from all the characterizations I have read thus far. It's interesting and has captured my interest to see this continue.

Although I do share many commenter's sentiments about the frustration. It's like the staff wants Nightlight to fail. the amount of asinine, moronic jerkiness emanating from the castle staff in regards to Nightlight is infuriating. The status quo has been set and has ample time to assert itself. Now it's time to turn it on it's head. Something needs to happen. I'm expecting Nightlight is going to finally stop being so scared and finally talk to Luna straight next chapter.

Although, I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter to this. This is honestly entertaining! I can't wait to see how the relationship between Nightlight and Luna develops and evolves.

>>976668976668

Eh, orders are orders. Unless someone higher up tells you directly, you follow what's been told you to from your direct superior. I have the feeling she would actually like to help, but would rather not be screamed at and fired. There's the case where she poisoned a bunch of people, so there's good reason. It's not a matter of being lazy rather than avoiding trouble the best way she can.

>>977996977996

And yet she refuses to even heat up food because he's being "mean"?... I dunno how you view that as anything but foalish :P but either way, poor damn Nightlight. His life just got so much worse so quickly!

I've quite enjoyed this chapter and look forward to very shortly reading the next one.

However:

"It was 6:18 pm, ninety-eight minutes until sunset, and he had eight minutes left to come to grips with his new job."

"Eventually, his eyes wandered upon a tiny clock on the mantle: 6:09 pm."

Did you mean to write those times in the opposite order?

Someone's a fan of Ecclesiastes (or perhaps Solomon), eh?

:3

Interesting Perspective for a Story. Your take on Princess Luna also intrigues me

That wasn't a very good Start for Nightlight

Image: http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/a/sarcasticlunaplz.jpg

However the difference in Time makes me Wonder if this is a Test by Luna to judge the worthiness of her personal Servant.

I shall track and read this.

Image: http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/n/e/newlunaisseriousplz.png

>>978303978303

Oh. Good catch. That's a layover from previous incarnations; i changed the time of sunset multiple times while writing ch1. Thanks; it's corrected.

So, in general... wow. EQD response has been spectacular, and I'm greatly enjoying the comments. It seems like there's a some argument on the natures Nightlight, Luna, as well as a smattering about Harvest. That's good. I like it, but keep in mind that Luna's a flat character so far. We can only see her from the perspective of 'the lowest of her servants', not from somepony who can even try talking to her on even footing. That's for chapter five.

Oh, and all of you talking about the book this was named after, go read it. It's spectacular. Then read Starship Troopers, because it's also by him, and it's the best piece of military literature I've ever read.

Oh please update, it's hilarious.

Even I have a hard time accepting this Luna.

Her attitude was in fact not a test to judge the worthiness of her personal Servant by standing up to her and Moonrise and in fact the Night being late is a very serious offense however rather than blame the Pony who was assigned to her, who 1 Day prior didn't even know what a personal hoofservant was she should blame the Organization responsible namely the Palace Staff who didn't prepare her attendant enough for this very important Task.

Of course as this is her first Night, many things she takes for granted are probably not in Place anymore in this new Canterlot so some form of acceptance to the changes should also exist in her to begin with very interested if Luna will adept and what factors into that.

And in Drunken Stupors lies Life's Wisdom no but seriously your take on Berry Bunch was awesome.

Also is that Princess Luna slowly changing that I caught a glimpse their in the later Sentences that would be amazing now if only the Ponies around Princess Luna would grow a Spine.

Luna doesn't need Bootlickers every way maybe she expects that, but someone who stands up to her would do her more good.

I am thoroughly intrigued, I can not wait to read what happens next.

Oh Goddesses that Ending

alright next Chapter all Hell is gonna break lose, though maybe the poor guy will finally grow a Spine and stand up to Princess Luna and at his incompetent Superiors ALL of them. That Luna has been plagued with Castle Staff of this Magnitude of worthlessness is shocking

Image: http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/l/u/lunamadplz.png

Track for the title reference alone, and the first chapter was pretty good too.

Poor, poor Nightlight. Alas, we knew him somewhat well.

An interesting read. Can't wait for the next chapter. Do you have a ETA on release time/dates?

Hoooooooooooo boy the next chapter is gonna be good!

>>978268978268

It's a side effect of having the same level of responsibility as Snowy Slopes with none of the authority. For all intents and purposes, Nightlight is still low man on the totem pole, so everyone else's attitude can be summed up as, "Your problems are not my problems, but if I so choose, my problems can become yours." Or to put it more succinctly, "Buck you, got mine."

Not that that excuses their behavior.

>>980092980092

Quite, but even though Nightlight has no real authority in and of himself, the castle staff should be working to insure the happiness and well being of Princess Luna, and them merely disregarding the orders of Princess Luna, albeit indirectly, is worrying, nay, downright alarming.

What I mean is, if Nightlight said "Princess Luna would like BLUE sheets instead of RED" then the castle staff should all work together to get blue sheets that are satisfactory to Princess Luna instead of saying "Not my problem LOL!"

I'm going to give this one more chapter.

Exactly...

...one...

...more...

...chapter!

Why? Because Nightlight is a BUCKING IDIOT! Not to mention completely and totally spineless in ever conceivable context but literal.

I could gripe about the timeline being off (Twilight Sparkle, the very one and only direct student of Princess-bucking-Celestia, had never heard of Discord, why the buck would these less informed ponies be casting his name so casually? Why is Luna's mane and tail already full of stars less than 24 hours since she was cleansed by the Elements?) or the weird characterizations (I won't, I loved "Luna vs. Progress" and that was weirder, so the author gets a pass) or weird, disjointed writing style, but I won't, 'cause these are all ultimately matters of style.

What flippin' Steward of any (and I mean any) level of competency or rank doesn't know how to do any of the things that Nightlight is so staggeringly ignorant of?

No, no, no! I am ONLY continuing because the end of this chapter holds any hope of promise that The Fool Nightlight (seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if the Equestrian Tarot Deck used Nightlight's high-school picture as the face of The Fool card) might actually grow a bucking backbone and put this incredibly bitchy version of Luna in her place!

After this chapter, it's final: I have zero sympathy for Nightlight. After being yelled at for failing his duties (even if Luna is being ridiculous) he has to gall to turn into a mope and run away into the city to turn into a pity party at a bar, Instead acting like a normal servant and taking it with grace.

Berry Punch, in all her drunken wisdom, put it best: "If a ruler’s anger rises against you, do not leave your post! Calmness can lay great offenses to rest!”"

Beyond this, I wish to see Nightlife redeem himself. And the writing and Story are not bad, and in fact are very good. I commend you.

   -Delta-

Wow the castle seems to be staffed exclusively by people who are stupid, lazy or jerks.

At least Luna can be partially forgiven because this is her first day of recovery after being actively evil. And Nightlight can be excused for only being in the job a year and suddenly being thrown into a position that is several grades higher than he has experience in. But guards trying to arrest servants if they leave the castle, chefs who refuse to cook food the way the Princess wants it, librarians and other assorted staff who refuse to simply say where the Princess is. This indicates a level of dysfunction that goes well beyond the chaos that Luna unexpectedly returning would cause.

Even Snowy Slopes the head Steward who you would expect to be responsible acts like a jerk promoting crazy (Harvest Moon) and inexperienced (Nightlight) ponies just because they have a certain coloured coat and then threatening to have them arrested if they fail at their jobs.

Pretty much everyone staff member who has been featured so far deserves to be fired from there job.

Though I still have no sympathy for Nightlights Woe-is-me attitude, I am becoming increasingly pissed of at every other character in this story, with the exception of Luna (She has a really good excuse), Snowy Slopes (He has a very cool and business-like attitude that is apparently perfect for this work environment), and Harvest Moon (Her attitude and actions were a nice change of pace from the general dick-baggery of the rest of the staff).

But I will still tear into Nightlight! He has the most pathetically difficult time completing tasks, even with the obstruction of the other staff. Though Luna's orders are ridiculous in their perfection, they are nonetheless easily done, as she tells you straight up what's wrong.

Food not to the Princess's liking? If you can't get the Head Chef to do it right, get someone else or do it yourself!

Co-workers and Superiors being plotholes, and otherwise showing incompetence in their job? Ignore them or go higher up in the chain of command!

Being to pathetic and cowardly to listen to instructions properly? Grow a spine!

I am otherwise impressed! You have written a story that I have become extremely invested in, and I for one am going to follow this to the end.

   -Delta-

I think the biggest problem Nightlight has is one of experience and expectations. His clear lack of comprehension of his role is perfectly summed up by this line.

“We did not command thee to clean our chambers,” she hissed. “Thy charge was ensurance that the task would be accomplished. A difference exists.”

In his entire career in fact probably in his entire life Nightlight has never been in a position to order someone else to do anything, he just can't get his head around the concept of delegating a task. With no training in leadership with no experience in a management role and no respect from other staff, it is no wonder that he is completely missing the point every time Luna gives him a task to do.

I wasn't expecting that much going into reading this but I found I couldn't put it down once I started until I'd finished, please continue!

So I'm already enjoying myself a new fic, waiting to see how it may come to enrapture me, when I see this phrase: "Toaster repair pony."

For the record, just for that Fallout: Equestria reference, I love you already.

While Nightlight wasn't the bravest he the balls to actually not just die right then and there, he has balls I'll give him that.

Nightlight deserves a fucking medal for all the crap that hes done.

..."leaving Nightlight once more alone in his room once more."

..."he too tired to care for anything less"

..."caring almost a dozen trays by himself"

This is such a good slice of life. Great detail in not too many words.

>>980954980954

Even if he did understand the concept of delegating a task, the other stewards would have most likely ignored him anyway and possibly delayed him even longer.

At the very least, he's starting to call them out on it. Maybe it's a warm-up before he finally snaps at the princess. Alternatively, there is a Twilight Sparkle loose in the castle somewhere.

Everyone else is hacking down on Night Light, but I'm kind of waiting for him to just snap and tell Luna that he's only a pony, not an alicorn like a certain someone else. So she can't just expect total and complete perfection =/

Can't wait for the next chapter, this has been entertaining so far.

>>981642981642

Gotcha on the typos. Thanks.

I don't understand why he can't just quit. Just leave man, leave. Go start a pro democracy movement or something.

Viva Revolution!

>>978703978703

I effin' love you.

Because you praised two of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors. This makes me happy that I'm not the only one here who appreciates good, quality science fiction.

Also, this story is pretty awesome. I really am jonesin' for the next chapter, though, because as others have noticed, if something doesn't change soon then the story's going to go downhill. Either Nightlight needs to stand up, or someone needs to relay the fact that the rest of the staff have been unprofessional idiots, or Celestia needs to have a word with Luna... Just something, yanno? Nightlight's steadfast determination to quit no matter what, and to ignore everyone after that is a good start, because it shows that he has a limit, and he's reached it. But if it's just more woobie bashing then it just descends into mediocrity. Mind you, I ain't sayin' that all ob-stackles need to go away or anything silly like that, just sayin' that as a reader, I'm right there with Nightlight in reaching the saturation point.

Although frankly, having a scene where Celestia takes her chef down a peg might be nice, the stuffy, pretentious jerkoff.

Celestia: "Ala Mode, this is the most unprofessional behavior I've seen from you so far."

Ala Mode: "B-but princess Celestia, I only wanted to make ze perfect meal!"

Celestia: "The perfect meal is that which the consumer asks for. If I ask for chopped daisies served on a pile of dirt, I fully expect to get that. And if my sister, whom is most dear to me, asks for her pasta to be on the uncooked side, then you will do it, or I shall find a new chef who knows how to obey orders from his employer. Is that understood, or should I have a kindergarten teacher reiterate it for you in small words, since the concept has eluded your grasp until now?"

Although I do like the nice touch when he finally delivered the midnight meal. Many, many hours behind, of course, but at least he finally did it. Luna's reaction was nice, showed that she could at least appreciate that he did fulfill his task, however late it was.

But yeah. Next chapter, soon. Otherwise I will sic Eldritch Pinkie Pie on you and she shall haunt your dreams with endless barrages of pie and balloons in inappropriate places.

He should quit. You don't have to take this. There are lots of jobs out there, screw the aristocracy. He won't though, he is indoctrinated to blindly follow commands. Its Victorian England I tell you.  

I keep finding myself confused. One thing is going on, then all of the sudden he's being told to wake up. I can't follow the timeline. How many days have passed? Six? Seven? Two? Three? One? so many "Wake ups." and I just don't know what the hell is going on. It seems Nightlight is being worked to the bone, serving Luna all night, and having to do other duties in the early morning?

I'll give this story one or two more chapters, but I really feel like it needs to be cleaned up some, it seems like. The plotline is great, but I think you're overdoing the "perfectness" Luna requires and it's coming off more as bitchy.

I don't know. It's interesting, but... seems the execution could use some work.

>>982417982417

Chapters one through four all take place over approximately 28 hours.

The thing about chapter four is that it both chronicles the second half of the evening and the morning/day after. It cycles between the two, telling about the night while he's asleep and interrupting it for day scenes when somepony comes to get him. Frankly speaking, I thought doing it in order would've been boring.

It was supposed to be a little bit confusing, on account of how mentally worn out Nightlight was by morning.

>>982440982440 I started to think that, but you don't want to disorient your readers. Some kind of indication would be nice, cause I was completely lost. With so many times he's being woken up, I didn't know if it was the same day or multiple days or what happened.

Could be just me. I don't know. I like the ideas presented. But cycling in the middle of a scene is a little confusing, and then going back to it... i don't know. I'm interested to see where it goes, though. It just seems a little chaotic. Chaos is good, as long as the reader can follow what's going on, or get an idea that so much is happening they can feel the chaos and disorientation, but maybe not as often. the cycling between the scenes was confusing as hell to me.

again, this is just my personal opinion of what you got so far.

Too many stallions for the general idea of Royal Palace staff. Too much bureaucracy for Equestria. Insufficient input from the more experienced ponies.

For Equestria... It. Isn't. Idealistic enough!

This fic is awesome but I am really hoping for a turning point as all the chapters seem to have the same feel so far. It was about time that Nightlight told is superiors to buck off. Now what is going to be interesting is that Luna is not going to let him leave.

At odd as this sounds this may give him some amount of power over his bosses, because she will just keep yelling at them when he screws up.

If he is stuck, he should just continue to do a terrible job and zone Luna out. The worst that can happen is that he is dismissed, which is what he wants anyway.

Also, the hierarchy, the lack of willingness to help others do their job, and the catch 22 rules, really remind me of some corporate jobs I have had. Of course I usually tell people to buck off if they get in the way of me doing my job, but then I have a unique enough skill set to not make me expendable.  

I do have one question. If this is Luna's first day back, how does she have her star mane and sound like an adult?

And wouldn't the servants know she wasn't a myth, since there was a an entire bed chamber preserved for her?

I was quite taken by the idea of a tale for Princess Luna---from the perspective of one of Luna's servants, no less---when this story first appeared on the front page of EqD. She might be my favorite background pony, if one considers the Princess of the Night synonymous with the term "minor character", given the lack of development and her established, somewhat endearing quirks. Well, so long as I'm not being yelled at in the Royal Canterlot Voice, I'll consider them endearing. I haven't yet come across a story involving Luna as the principal character which blew me away and left me nodding my head, repeatedly stating, "Now that is how I imagine Luna to be." Moreover, it is a prime opportunity to develop her personality without all of the gimmicks (e.g., Gamer Luna---not that I dislike Gamer Luna, mind you). In short order you had captured my attention and left me riveted through the first two chapters. Luna? Returning from exile? A staff scrambling to meet her needs? It seems so obvious yet refreshing.

I don't think Luna being acerbic and demanding is necessarily a mischaracterization, as a few reviewers may have suggested. I would suspect, however, that she would be rather contrite, given her actions as Night Mare Moon, so I am admittedly slightly taken aback by unabashed her authoritarian demeanor. With the memories of Night Mare Moon so fresh in her mind, would she not be more reclusive, or in a social context, far more careful around other ponies? Even in "Luna Eclipsed," Luna came off more aloof than tyrannical. From another perspective, however, Luna may be under the false impression that exerting her authority frequently is the manner in which a monarch should behave. I'm not totally sold that is the intent, but I am willing to roll with it with the expectation of a thorough explanation.

Nightlight, on the other hoof, is an interesting case involving an undistinguished protagonist who is not apparently destined for much without the assistance of external events. He struck me as inexperienced and bumbling to the point where I wondered why he was chosen to answer directly to Princess Luna---especially after she had recently returned following the events of the Summer Sun Celebration. The episode involving waking Luna certainly became a portent for the rest of the night: Nightlight never appeared to fully recover. That has effectively been the state of things for the past two chapters: it feels as though something should happen, yet the narrative remains dominated by the foibles of Nightlight.

In contrast to the first two chapters, where I was interested to see how a neophyte handler could wrestle the tall task of serving a pony princess, the third and fourth chapters sagged. There was a good deal happening, and yet, paradoxically, so little. As the situation becomes increasingly aggravating, it likewise becomes increasingly difficult to take Nightlight seriously as the protagonist. He is just as awful as his colleagues; the most he has done is engage in passive aggressive and avoidance behaviors. While I am not expecting, and certainly not desiring, Nightlight to swoop in by chapter four to save Luna from a harrowing fire in the castle, subsequently romancing her with his aw shucks, I'm-just-a-foal-from-Manehattan demeanor, I do anticipate Nightlight to begin exerting some sort of control over the course of the narrative. I also expect there to be the beginnings of a contrast between his character and that of everypony else around him.

With the admission that Luna is still in a fairly one dimensional phase of characterization, it does say something when she remains the most compelling character in the story thus far. It may very well be associated with the fandom's development of Luna, or the events which inevitably unfold in "Luna Eclipsed," but I suspect it is a fair mix of these things and the lack of otherwise compelling characters. As it has been stated, most everyone who has appeared thus far is incompetent, conceited, lazy, or a mixture of all three attributes. What happens then, narratively speaking, is that foils fail to perform their function. If the protagonist Nightlight is no better than the foils, then what friction exists? Everyman (or everypony) characters are typically fallible---hence why audiences tend to connect with them more readily---but I am of the opinion those failings or shortfalls best work as part of an overall tension. The tension has yet to appear; instead, the narrative has thus far been a chronicle of cascading failures and ineptitude. We all love a good train wreck of events, so long as the train has picked up some momentum. For the time being, the narrative feels as if it is still in second gear.

In short, repeatedly watching the protagonist act as the punching bag grows tiresome if that is the entirety of the story. Following the narrative becomes a matter of endurance rather than pleasure.

So while I obviously do not exert any significant influence over the writing process, I would suggest eventually cutting to the chase and introducing the aforementioned friction in the next chapter. The ending hinted toward such being the case, making me once again curious to see what comes next.

I think people are ripping into Nightlight way too hard. He's a newcomer and the lowest rung on a ladder that is suddenly thrown up several pay grades and decades of experience ahead of the curve. Is it any wonder he's out of place, stressed, and incompetant?

I can see him needing to grow some backbone around other ponies in the castle, but what can he do when none of them respect him? Run to the Princesses? Nonetheless, I can't see him 'showing Luna her place' or shouting at her. It's a catastrophic breach of professionalism, and at best would have him teleported into a dungeon. Now if there was a scene where he calmly, respectfully asked Luna for her time and tried to explain his positon and her conduct, I would be impressed.

I do have to agree with the previous poster though. For all her flatness thus far, Luna is the most likable character.

No A.I? (I am obsessed with them...)

I guess I'll have to write my own.

Are there any pony fics with A.Is?

This story just became one of my most looked forward stories, although maybe because I can immensely relate to the protagonist.

To those who are complaining that Nightlight is totally spineless: he was told that if he'd like to quit, he could quit after the first day (or turn his resignation personally to Luna, but c'mon). That was exactly what he did. What more should he have done? Yes, his superiors (and pretty much everypony, including the chefs) were toying with him, hiding behind their orders rather than helping him, but I think that's pretty much realistic. Nopony cares about what Princess Luna actually wants, everypony just want to obey their orders in a literal sense, so they can't be held responsible. That's exactly how it works in some places I know. Of course, Nightlight could've tried to threaten their superior to force them to cooperate, but they would've just laughed in his face. He's at the bottom of everything. Nopony takes him seriously.

Just picture him: he had a safe job. Nothing exciting, nothing creative, but at least it was predictable. He had no promotions, he was at the bottom, but at least his boss wasn't very annoying as long as he didn't screw up something. All in all, he had a simple life without responsibilities and major conflicts - and then BAM, suddenly THOU DO NOT DESERVE LIFE, SIMPLETON!. Nopony readied him for this. It's entirely realistic he's stressing out and panicking, and not lecturing his superiors or Luna.

Also, don't forget the story description:

"This is the story of a pony's development from colt to stallion, and from servant to leader."

It's a pretty safe bet Nightlight will grow a spine. It just doesn't happen overnight.

Apropos, for those who're complaining about the lack of character growth and story events: keep in mind that even though we're four chapters and 30k words in the story, it's still the first day. The very first day. After a single day, our hero (whose default facial expression is probably the "okay guy" rageface) won't stand up and berate Luna, who is, as Aotrs Commander aptly said, like "BRIAN BLESSED if he was your God-King".

So, as I said, I greatly enjoyed the story. I have, however, two concerns:

One, the day Princess Luna returned, she was a light blue foal, acting more shy than commanding. Did she matured almost immediately after her arrival? (By the way, if you have no explanation for this, I think it's better to leave this question unanswered rather than pulling out some highly unconvincing excuse. Just my opinion.)

Two, I think it'll be hard to keep the story flowing. I mean, so far we have a believable protagonist with a believable conflict, but the perfect solution would be for him to quit his job (and he obviously won't do that, or else the fic ends). You should have a very good reason for him to stay to keep it believable. Obviously, opposing a raging Luna right now is not an option, but sooner or later he'll get the chance to tell her he quit. He could even justify it by saying that Luna herself found him unfit for the job.

I gotta' say, Luna's reaction at the end was roughly what I expected the entire time. I mean, she DID tell him to GTFO in no uncertain terms, and while I get the sense that while she's pretty damn cruel since she's still in old-royal-mode, she is no doubt aware of her affect on her subjects and what anypony would do when given an order while she's outright terrorizing them.

Oh man. Things I'd rather wake up to than Luna in full RCV mode, actively angry at me personally, on an amount of sleep made totally inadequate by constant interruption, when I'm actually supposed to have vacated my living space about half an hour ago:

Nothing. That is basically the worst possible combination of circumstances to wake up to. Nightlight has 100% of my sympathy.

I feel like this story should have a 'Comedy' tag.

Tracking and a thumbs up (you know, maybe they should change that from hands to hooves..)

Keep up the great work ^_^

i have such a hard on for this next chapter

Rant Inducing Slight

Minor Insult Meltdown

If Nightlight doesn't snap at the begining or at all next chapter, I think most if not all readers will snap on you.  I'm conflicted though, should I pray you do, and enjoy Bitch!Luna getting what she deserves?  Or should I pray you don't deliver/fail to deliver and enjoy your readers systematically tearing you apart in the comments?

I await chapter five.  

Hmm, he is on top of a very tall tower, he could always jump.

Wild Pegasus, as in Blackjack's whiskey of choice?

NavyPony confirmed for best pony! I hope you finish this after dragging it out for at least 30x 10,000+ word chapters of equal or greater awesomeness as what has gone so far - I love this story! Ridiculous demands aside 11 out of 10 to you, what a fantastic bit of writing!

Fun so far.  

Nightlights big problem is responsibility without authority.  Makes sense for something thrown together like this.  I look forward to seeing how develops.  Snowy Slopes seems the only pony to really recognize it, but is neither able nor willing to change the bureaucracy in a single day.

I like the outside view of your Luna.  The set-up has potential for her being more than a powerful bully and I look forward to getting a sense of who she is and why she presents this particular wall to the world.

Gahhh!

I wouldn't be able to take the crap Nightlight has to go through! I wish Luna would stop being a royal @#^%.

>>10176021017602

Royal? I see what you did there...

So, when exactly can we expect that already-finished chapter 5, good sir?

>>10406341040634

That is a great question, sir, compounded by the fact that i just re-installed and re-modded my copy of Fallout 3. And I got the entire series of the Dresden Files for my Kindle. And other stuff. If I can hunker down, however, I'll do round four-ish of edits and have it posted by Tuesday night.

I really hope Nightlight gets at least a sincere apology for getting Stared at.  It's really sounds like the Stare is some kind of mind rape.

Words! Manymuch of pleased! Enjoyment all around!

Errrryeah, I enjoyed it. Just waiting on Night to chew out some ponies

You caught my fancy. Amuse me.

Backbone grown? Check

Luna not acting quite as bitchy? Check

Welp, looks like things are gonna start kicking ass soon! Can't wait to see Nightlight start chewing some annoying staff members out.

YAY UPDATE!

A 10,000 word chapter followed by a 1,000 word chapter? It really made this one feel extra short.

I see what you did there with Sebastian, That was a great black butler reference. Also keep up with this awesome story I'm loving every bit of it.