The Moon is a Harsh Mistress
by NavyPony
Intermission One:
An Unfinished Conversation
Luna almost sounded petulant, throwing her sister’s words back, “I wasn’t finished, Tia, I-”
“Well I am.” Princess Celestia took another couple steps towards the door, extra loud so that her sister’s hoofservant mighttake the hint. “Have a good morning.” She marched the rest of the way, and began to wrap her magic around the ornate double doors. ‘With any luck,’ she hoped, ‘the young stallion’s made his exit.’
She never found out, as her younger sister applied a smattering of countermagic to keep the doors shut. “Tia, allow me to finish. Please?” Maybe… that timbre wasn’t petulance. Maybe it was worry? “I… I did not mean to make you angry, Tia. I’m sorry. But will you please let me finish?”
Acquiescence wasn’t her only option – she had every right to storm out of the room. Or at least exit haughtily. She was the Sun Princess after all, and she really did have important business to which she had to attend. ‘But...’ Even if she had every right to be angry, even though she’d tried to be reasonable several times now, she couldn’t just walk out. This was her co-sovereign, and more importantly, it was her sister. Taking a calming breath, Celestia stepped away from the doors and turned back to hear out the Moon Princess. She acquiesced. “Go on.” Of course, she was still irritated.
“I’m… sorry, Tia,” Luna repeated, moving towards her bed with a gait as weak as her voice. “I shouldn’t be acting like this. It’s just… nothing feels right anymore. Maybe it’s how much Equestria’s changed. I don’t know,” she said, collapsing onto her sheets and beginning to discard her silver shoes. She kicked them off the edge of her bed one-by-one, each landing with a tinny clatter. “And that just makes it worse.”
Celestia gave an internal sigh and her centuries of soothing, mentoring, and especially her politicking kicked into action; it was practically a reflex. “Oh? I think you’ve been managing...” It was hard to think of a word that was both positive and honest. “As well as can be expected, perhaps.” Luna was trying to grapple with a thousand years of magical research, technological advancement, bureaucratic expansion, and societal evolution. From amniomorphics to microwaves, from the tax code to capitalism, it was a thousand years of progress. “You’re doing great.”
Luna didn’t see things the same way, pursing her lips in disagreement. “No. No I haven’t. You’ve made that quite clear.”
“Hush now, Lu,” Celestia cooed, trying to soothe the younger alicorn, “You’ve just had a couple of…” she waved a hoof vaguely, looking for a good word, “... minor difficulties. You’ll learn from your mistakes, and we’ll address them. Fix them. Things will get better, I promise.”
“Tch.” Luna’s body language dripped of skepticism. “You always say that…”
“Of course,” she joked, trying to assuage her sister’s dismay. “That’s because I’m always right.”
Celestia’s words’ had the opposite of their intended effect. “Precisely…” the darker pony groaned, flicking her tiara across the room with a burst of cobalt magic. “I, as ever, err, and it falls upon you to make things right. The first night I reassumed my duties, the moon was late…”
‘It’s not that big of a deal,’ she lamented internally. ‘Not that she’d be willing to hear such a thing.’ The younger sister was ever a perfectionist when it came to her responsibilities, and Celestia needed some other way of minimizing the incident. “It’s understandable, Lu. Nopony-”
“No, it’s not,” the Lunar Princess reasserted. “It’s unforgivable; I can’t do anything right. Everypony’s mad at me or afraid of me. I don’t even know how to behave around my own servants. And when you try to tell me what to do, I just get mad about it.
“No, no,” Celestia cooed, still struggling to defuse the situation. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I just want to-”
“But you should!” she interrupted, shouting. “I need you to keep looking out for me, like you’ve always done, and I keep forgetting it, like always, because… Actually, I don’t even know why.” She interrupted herself with a self-deprecating tsk and an angry shake of her head. “Maybe if I’d listened to you all those years ago, I’d never have become Nightm-”
Absolutely not. “Princess Luna,” Celestia thundered, cutting her sister off entirely. “You stop right there.”
Luna’s expression went entirely blank for a moment, as if surprised her sister could still use the Royal Voice. Wide-eyed and barely audible, she started back up, “Tia, I-”
“No.”
The younger princess’ eyes began to well with moisture. “But-”
“No!” the Sun Princess bellowed again, once more cutting off her sister. “We have already spoken about this at length, and we agreed that it was as much my fault as yours. You are not Nightmare Moon, and you never will be again. Nightmare Moon is finished. All of that is finished and, and…” And Celestia’s voice caught in her throat at the sight before her, at the realization of what she was doing and more significantly, its effect. ‘Oh no. No no no. Please no.’ Luna’s face was wrenched in anguish. Her shoulders were hunched, her normally flowing mane was limp, and her eyes were shut tight. ‘Please no. Don’t cry.’ Centuries of experience seemed to vanish - Celestia realized that she didn’t know what to do.
She was lost, and it was a thoroughly unpleasant experience. “Lu?” she eventually croaked, her previously robust voice cracking. “Lulu, I’m sorry. Please stop crying.” Sympathetic tears started forming in response to those streaming down her sister’s face. “Please? I, I-”
She spoke two words. Two little words. “Go away.”
For the first time in decades, the Sun Goddess found herself speechless.
“Go. Away.” Luna rolled over on her oversized bed, refusing to look her sister in the eye. “You have important work to do, you said. Go do it,” she uttered. “Or not, I don’t care. Just go away.”
“But…”
She snapped. “Yes, you’re right, you’re always right!” Luna hollered, still facing the wall, “I’ll keep him as my hoofservant! I’ll stop Staring ponies! I’ll do whatever you want, just go away, please!”
“I’m sorry.” Celestia bowed her head to the floor in regret as she crossed once more to the room’s exit. This conversation had gone wrong, totally wrong. She gave one last look about the room, one last glance at her sister’s trembling frame, before closing the doors behind her. ‘All I want, Lu, is for you to forgive yourself.’
She was a third of the way back to the throne room when Snowy Slopes finally intercepted her, stepping out of a side passage with the same clipboard and stony expression he always carried. “Your Highness,” he pronounced stoically, falling into his customary position behind her, “is there something I can do?”
‘Perceptive as ever, Snowy...’ The Head Steward was aware enough to know that something was amiss, concerned enough to offer help, and subtle enough not to impugn. And he was there to support her when she needed it. “You can listen...”
Words! Manymuch of pleased! Enjoyment all around!
Errrryeah, I enjoyed it. Just waiting on Night to chew out some ponies
Backbone grown? Check
Luna not acting quite as bitchy? Check
Welp, looks like things are gonna start kicking ass soon! Can't wait to see Nightlight start chewing some annoying staff members out.
A 10,000 word chapter followed by a 1,000 word chapter? It really made this one feel extra short.
Yes turning point. Luna, Nightlight and the oddballs of the Night staff versus everypony!
Gods. Let me say, ones heart goes out to Nightlight through this entire work so far. The chain of ineptitude and stubbornness that has made his life hell can be felt through the text. It is an impressive feat. (Even though one could argue, that the angle of Luna being hard on herself as compensation is used to death.) Once intermission is over, we'll certainly see how things go.
Fantastic.
This entire work is amazing. Not without it's flaws, as is any work, but for what flaws there are, they are very minimal. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter. Thus far, I've only caught one error, you typed "Ee" instead of "He" somewhere, I think, in chapter 4... I can't remember. Aside from that, the grammar was perfect (Or I'm just tired.) The only one other issue I had for this story was the pacing. It seemed as if Nightlight's thoughts were taking up too much of the action... Personally I was more excited about what was happening around him and to him than I was about his thoughts. The way he interacted with Luna and the palace staff was laughable and heart-breaking all at once. You've created several VERY engrossing characters here, particularly Harvest Moon. I'd like to see more of her in the future. What's more, Berry Punch is given a refreshing take on an old and admittedly overused stereotype. I'm reminded of Drunken Master, only with words instead of punches.
Overall, a very engrossing and well-planned work, with a surprisingly interesting concept I've not seen explored yet. At least, not in this particular way. Not only have you created a singular character, but indeed an entire family's worth, nay, an entire palace staff's worth. They have depth and personality, quirks and characteristics that lend a depth not typically seen in many stories these days.
In short: Bravo. A beautiful 9/10, and a markedly long story.
I would like to take all the positve comments made so far and condense them all into one supercomment that fits on a single line, but I just aint that clever (else I would be writing this story) so use your imagination to think of all the praise I heap upon you for this fine body of work. Long may it continue, as it is damned good!!!
Good chapter.
I am sorry to say this but I have one complaint -> "Centuries of experience seemed to vanish - Celestia realized that she didn’t know what to do."?
Luna just needed a long hug, and Celestia would have known that. Hmmm ok it has been 1k years since she could have this problem on her hooves so there is a really small chance she panicked.
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Hmm... she doesn't have a problem with coltcuddlers so much as geldings (and even then, only the really depraved ones - not regular geldings)
Also, it was the most evocative phrase I could think of, what with the language rules I've set down for this story.
I'm not trying to sound important or anything, just saying, you defintiely have a great way at plot progression and emotional scenes, and you managed to keep me as a reader with this last update.
Nice touch. Loved this chapter.
For some reason, to me, this explanation on why she is a bitch to everyone is...weak. I know I should feel empathy for her, but I don't.
1050262 A small chance? With Nightmare Moon fresh in her mind, her sister emotionally unstable, and the only pony who could tolerate Luna attempting to resign? Even goddesses panic sometimes, and this seems quite panic-worthy.
I LIKE IT! *chucks cup* ANOTHER! WE ARE FOLLOWING THIS FICTION WITH BAITED BREATH. THOU MAYEST CONTINUE WITH THE COMPOSITION OF SUCH PLEASANTRIES SECURE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THY SOVEREIGN IS PLEASED.
Wonderful, keep up the good work.
Nice, can't wait for Nightlight to pony up and start kicking metaphorical ass.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
This is probably one of my favorite Luna stories so far.
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It's 'bated breath'. It's a short form of 'abated breath', meaning that you're holding your breath. (dangit, this place needs a 'Twilight in lecture mode' icon.)
This version of Celestia that you displayed in this chapter (and in the previous chapter) is exactly what I think she would be like, if there were only more Celestia cameos in the show. Hoping on an episode in Season 3...
Your Celestia is AWESOME! Really nice to see someone stick up for poor Nightlight. And I love how she knows most if not all of the servant's names.
Hopefully between this conversation and Berry Punch talk with Nightlight, he'll grow a bit of backbone and stop letting everyone walk all over him. And hopefully Luna won't be so ridiculously demanding. After all, he might not be the hoofservant she needs, but he's the one she deserves.
"From amniomorphics to microwaves, from the tax code to capitalism, it was a thousand years of progress. "
I see what you did there...
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I think I'll do this from now on: Any time I like something, do "*chucks cup* ANOTHER!"
Short chapter. God I hate them. DX
Keep it up!
Excellent story so far; I'm definitely looking forward to the rest of it. The story premise is really interesting, and even though I don't normally like OCs, I have to admit that Nightlight fits his role perfectly. You did a great job with him.
If I had to offer some constructive criticism, I would say that Nightlight seems to be just a bit too negative. Sure, it's completely understandable that he would be so depressed, but from a reader's perspective hearing him complain so much gets old, regardless of how justified it is. This could be fixed by giving Nightlight a bit of hope early. If he does something right, or almost does something right, or thinks that he might do something right, then the story wouldn't have such a sharp downward slope. And then he could go screw something up again.
Or maybe, as Loyal2-1 suggested, the story spends too much time in Nightlights head as he moans and complains. Don't get me wrong: hearing Nightlight's thoughts is one of the best parts of the story. But maybe it would feel better if we spent slightly less time in them.
Of course, this probably doesn't matter anymore since the story is about to start its climb uphill. I can't wait to see more of Harvest Moon, and I'm really looking forward to Nightlight's character development. In fact, after that side chapter, it looks like Luna will get some development as well. (By the way, I think that chapter was perfectly timed. It really gave me some sympathy for Luna, and I think it gave her a lot of depth as well.) Thank's for writing such a good story!
This is my new favorite fiction to read. I've read each chapter three times already. I check this page every day waiting with shameless anticipation for the next chapter.
I have the honor of being viewer 999. Let me congratulate you, before you break the thousand-views mark, on a well-written, dynamic story; one that I eagerly await an update for. And also, by the time you see this, on 1000 views.
And Struck Again!
That third chapter was most pleasing. Added to my favorites. I love your narratives they are very amusing, but it seems a character broke out of their traditional way of speaking and began using "I"'s and "me"'s. Not sure if Luna was just dropping her royal We and Our facade but it threw me off a bit with the sudden change in mannerism. Pardon me I believe it was in chapter 2 or 3. If intentional I apologize, just curious.
That version of Berry Punch is the sort I like the most: "The Drunken Sage" was very sweet, dragged on a bit but that's Berry for you! And she even addressed her tangent xD I really enjoy the character you gave her in this story, I shall miss that wise drunken experienced mare.
I also couldn't stop laughing at the inclusion of a nicely laid out Progress joke xD I wonder if we'll see more of that adorable filly chef. I loved her personality, her character was very cute. Sorry btw I meant to comment yesterday but much like Nightlight I just felt so very very tired.
I really hope life doesn't toss you too many distractions, I'll try and not sound so selfish but I really fell for this story and now I am completely hooked. Poor Celestia... But poor Luna is also hurt... That scene was pretty heavy. *hugs* Great story!
The only thing that is wrong is the idiot that thought going along with simply putting a princess totally out of her time right into something new and expecting she could handle it or the personal around her :P
Such a fiasco was to be expected.
And who´s idea was it to start showcasing off Princess Luna not 24 hours after her return?
I don't know what I've done wrong... I hope it isn't my fault... I'm still sorry nonetheless... PLEASE UPDATE
good story, worth the read can't wait for the next chapters.
Wow! Has it really been two months already? Not that I expect anyone to wait with bated breath for my response, but I do apologize for having provided such a lengthy review many moons ago before suddenly falling silent. I meant to respond much earlier---several weeks ago, in fact---though that evidently fell through. I tend to read very late at night, so when I finish a chapter, it can be in the early morning hours. That is not very conducive for writing commentary!
You will have to excuse me if I am a bit rusty, for I haven't read the most recent chapters in some time. I may not have all the details at my fingertips, though I remember the gist of what unfolded. (The bold letters signifying the Royal Canterlot Voice are a helpful reminder.) In short, where my fears once existed, they have been abated by the introduction of Celestia. She helped break the narrative logjam which was mounting, i.e., Nightlight's constant indecision and inability to do much other than self-flagellate in response to difficulties. The best analogy I can think of is having a dreadfully boring speaker followed by someone who is sharp, witty, and on point. Though this may sound like a condemnation of the first few chapters, it is merely an attempt to draw a contrast. I think you know that I do not mean to offend.
By having Celestia and Nightlight speak, the social dynamics and, by virtue of the encounter, the narrative rhythm changed. Even if it is not Nightlight taking a stand against his superiors---a scenario I found fairly unreasonable---it at least breaks the story free from potentially turning into a relentless your-life-is-terrible chain of events. Even if Nightlife remains pathetic---relative to the expectations one would have of a central protagonist---the introduction of a sympathetic and empathic character lessens the burden. The audience is invited to care about Nightlight as well. Sometimes we all just need someone to listen to us---even if that person happens to be the reigning monarch.
The follow-through of having Celestia and Luna converse---once shown from Nightlight's perspective, and then revealed through the perspective of the princesses---also helped even the playing field. It is not so much that everypony is made out to be fallible; instead, it grants context to Luna's behavior. Even if readers do not get Nightlight shaking his hoof at Luna, we do have Celestia attempting to reason with her sister---quite cleverly, too. It was a constructive outlet for the narrative---and by extension, the audience---to vent without reducing the story into the throes of a back-and-forth between our beleaguered protagonist and the world which conspires against him.
To cut to the chase, the opening chapters helped deconstruct the characters and setting. In other words, happy ponies with sympathetic problems were replaced with irritating phonies (yes, phonies, not ponies) who were surprisingly self-absorbed. Once Celestia entered the picture, and Luna was given more room to develop, the narrative could begin to reconstruct itself. I'll be interested to see if that is indeed how you plan to work things.
I'm in law school and everyday is just getting heavier than the last.
I can relate to Nightlight. He and I share certain experiences to a degree--but I digress.
From all the chaos of law school, responsibilities and taxes, coming home to read this story was a breath of fresh air.
Please update soon. The anticipation of getting to read a new chapter helps lighten the load of things.
I hope this story gets updated soon! Even since my last favorite story finished, I've been checking this story nearly every day to see if it has been updated!
@ Everypony:
Yes, it's been a long time, for which I distinctly apologize. There've been some things going on in the personal, non-internet life (including moving, apartment repairs, car troubles, and more), although they're all very excuse-ish. For what it's worth, I haven't dropped the story, and I'm in the process of writing chapter 7, distracted by half a dozen other stories that I've started writing and dropped 1~2k words in. I'd like to offer you a time frame for when I'll have an update, but I know from experience that I can't accurately predict my writing speeds - sometimes I can just spit words onto a page, and sometimes I'm hopeless for weeks at a time.
Anyways, know that I haven't given up. I appreciate everybody's patience, and thank you all for the kind words.
Authors do their best now and are preparing. Please wait warmly until it is ready.
~NavyPony
Thanks for the story. I've truly enjoyed watching everything unfold. Many of the little touches caught my eye, and it was a bit surprising to hear Ecclesiastes coming from the mouth of Berry Punch. Incongruous, but apropos. The characterizations of Luna and Celestia were very well done, and were frankly some of my strongest motivations to finish reading. Nightlight works as a viewpoint character, guiding us through the story to the next bit of dialogue. I'm getting very sleepy now, and worrying about my coherence, but know that I shall be following this one. I'm very much looking forward to seeing where this one goes. Thanks again for sharing this with us.
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best. news. evar. (about the impending update, otherwise sorry to hear about your other troubles, pony will see you through! )
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Glad I wasn't the only one. Luna hasn't even had a chance to face her greatest new challenge...
Baseball.