• Member Since 21st Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 6th, 2016

Warmblood


E

Memories of a time long gone by hold the key to Luna's salvation. To save her sister, Celestia sends Twilight on a quest through Luna's mind, searching for the source of an ancient spell that is slowly killing her. What she finds may change her forever.

Twilight experiences Luna's life first hand on an emotional journey through the dark alicorn's past.

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 223 )

Hard to comment when we have not even seen what it will be like for her to enter Luna's memoriers and not just be in her mind.

187961 Next chapter! I promise!

Even better the seventh time. You'll only elicit a response currently, because...

This has been here for a week, and only now people are starting to take notice? Well, all I can say is-

HOW THE BUCK WAS THIS MISSED?

Meh, one of the great mysteries that plagues all of inter-net-esting things, like the non-canonical origins of things in a canonical setting, as defined by fans. Waitin' on the next chapter, then, I suppose.

This sounds like it's going to be a rollercoaster ride. I will track!

Nice fic so far. The imagery is very strong. Also, congratulations on showing up on EqD.

The only major issue I have so far is that the last section of the chapter starts in third-person present tense but shifts to third-person past tense at the third paragraph, when Celestia speaks to Twilight. That should be fixed.

Hmm, i wonder the roles of the other mares... Oh well, till next chapter! :twilightsmile: Your imagination feels like a realm itself. Keep on inspiring and be inspired! :rainbowkiss:

Very descriptive, but I'm seeing a lot of conflict between past and present tenses. It's a good story, but the grammar needs fixing.

I'm interested in the story, but you're writing style could be improved a little.
As has been mentioned, your tenses are a little jumbled, and the main comment I would make is that while your descriptions are very well done, you describe too much of the story. It tends to be far more immersive to let the reader experience events along with the characters, rather than having them described in the past tense. For example:
"She told the pegasi that he couldn’t have gone far, she pleaded with them to wait, but they said they were under orders by the Princess herself. Nothing could be done; they must convey the Elements of Harmony to Canterlot right away."
Rather than telling us that the conversation happened, you may find that your story flows better if you actually write out the dialogue. Similarly for descriptions, rather than describing a setting, perhaps try to describe it from the characters' points of view.

Sorry to sound critical, but I am interested in where this has to go, and I think it has a lot of potential. :)

I am intrigued, certainly!

:twilightangry2: why would you stop there? I guess I have no choice but to track now. Of course, it is most likely TwiLuna and I like your writing style, so that was going to happen regardless.

such a shame if this isn't a twiluna ship : /

Facehoof for the random tense switch in the last section. :derpytongue2:
Added a brief scene to flesh out the departure from Ponyville in the second section.

traking, love it so far...I RATE THIS Asssss...:rainbowkiss:so awsome:rainbowkiss:

where be t chapter 2?:fluttershysad:
is it not coming?:unsuresweetie:

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Sorry mate, I've been in exam hell. Plus there were quite a few things that I wanted to improve in the first chapter.

I appreciate the comment though, that motivates me to get it finished.

Updated just as I tracked! Good so far.

Tracking this story... its got a very interesting idea going for it.

Twilight is going to lose herself in Luna's memories... and she will find out things she most likely was not meant to know. :trixieshiftright:

Looking forward to more!:yay:

:O!!! A new chapter, how long has it been?
This chapter was amaing, very well written, enjoyed reading :)

Well i derped :derpytongue2: I posted this comment before i read yours and was wondering why it took a month to post a chapter..:I

nice nice nice, I like the setting, where will it go time will tell :D looking forward to it! :pinkiehappy:

tis a good story da? anyway hope to see how it goes down with twilight and weather luna notices twi in her mind.

Hehe, that's good to hear. I hope you can tell that I've tried to improve my writing from when I started to the present. The story is picking up, it'll be fun to write the next chapters.

I had to reread the whole story to grab it's sense, it was so long from last chapter... :fluttercry: you got me hooked like a fish with this last chapter, I hope you plan to give us the next part soon!!:twilightblush:

Been anticipating this chapter quite a bit. Good to see you're back.

Now, on to critique. First, I understand that the conversation between AJ, Pinkie, RD, Rarity, and Fluttershy is supposed to be strained and tedious, but you don't need to make the story itself tedious to convey that. I'd say pretty much everything from Rainbow Dash's question about Applejack's trees to "It had been way too quiet" could be removed, and the story would still effectively convey the tedium of their conversation without needing to give an example.

On the other hoof, I would still like to compliment you on how well you captured the basic personalities of the ponies during that conversation. Although the story suffered from the emotion conveyed during that section, it was still well-written. I'd love to see more interactions between them while Twilight is swimming through Luna's head, but try to give those conversations a purpose that would have them convey something other than tension or tedium.

Pretty much any other issues I had were caused by the massive gap since your last update, so I'll let them slide. Can't wait to see what happens next!

OOOOOHHHHH My Celestia!!!! A new chapter! YESSSS!!! YESSS!!! Love it man, love it. Please post more often :twilightsheepish:, I've been waiting for so long :fluttershysad:

Now its here :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Also...MOAR :flutterrage:

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You have a good point there iSmartMan. Thank you so much for offering a useful critique!

In my own evaluation, my greatest weakness in writing is dialogue. (Well, and humor, but that doesn't apply so much in this case) While I did want to convey a little bit of the feeling of tension/tedium or anxiety, I didn't want to make it insufferably boring. I've tried to deal with that as best as I know how, but you may be right that in this case the conversation is not useful. My argument in favor of this scene is: 1) The straightforward reason stated above, showing tension, coping, and simply catching up with the others. 2) The other part is how Twilight's absence changes the group dynamic. I imagine it would be harder for the group to come together without Twilight as a leader and go-between for the others.

I'll keep your advice in mind. Less is often more when it comes to meaningful writing.

That last bit of Celestia's...
I like where this is going.:ajsmug:

Can't tell if twiluna shipfic, or not...darn EQD listing this as shipping when the actual fic doesnt say romance...
I digress, continue writing good sir!

939321 I quite often run into the same problem but since Luna is my favorite besides TwiLuna Shipping a.deviantart.net/avatars/l/o/lovestrucklunaplz.png I would have read it anyway a.deviantart.net/avatars/l/u/lunaughtyplz.png

Aw man I finished it so far! :(

Holy.... Oh my.... Wow.... I certainly didn't expect THAT....

What the heck? So Celestia killed the real Luna and replaced her? How heartless can you get?

this is ... amazingly good :pinkiegasp: dark and abrupt but very well written and i cannot wait for more, great stuff!

Oh, she mad, bro.

She mad.

Celestia just bucked up... royally.

Wow, plot really thickens

the only thing I don't like about this story is that I'll have to re-read the whole thing again by the time the next chapter is out :raritydespair:
except for that I can only say "Great".

Now I sense a deeper plot in all this. Good.

Ehem... MOAR!!:flutterrage: That is, if that's ok with you.:fluttershysad:

Good, but this chapter is really feeling rushed, as is the current arc regarding Celestia. I'm hoping Twilight is off-base here or there wasn't enough exposition, because it doesn't add up. If the elements returned Luna to her "normal" self, does that make them responsible for hiding the memories? Was it something Celestia did 1,000 years ago? Then why the banishment? Did Luna start acting jealous again? Then what was the point of using the elements, anyway?

It's clear Celestia is hiding something, but I'm not convinced the characters are convicted enough. That, and I'm not down for (another) Tyrantlestia story.

That was a really interesting chapter. My inner snark couldn't resist Onyx's comment about getting by on love without the sun. Yes Onyx, love will power the carbon cycle. Good luck with that. But what I'm really thinking is: This is pre Luna Eclipsed Luna, isn't it? The more I think about it, the more obvious it seems.

Celestia did seem harsh at first. Though then I had to wonder. Nightmare Moon was attempting, consciously or not, nothing less than omnicide. Given a choice between that, killing Luna or memory modification, the latter does seem like the lesser of the three evils. Well, unless they really can run the carbon cycle on love that is.

Still, great twist. And I'm guessing it's not the last by far. This camper is really looking forward to seeing how this develops.

I feel I should address this now, just in case it takes a while for the next chapter to be published.

1) Yes! We're getting into the real plot now!

2) Celestia and Twilight are going to have a little chat. This should help clarify things from the end of this chapter.

3) Celestia's character (which, in my poor authorship, I really have not described enough!) is neither totally benign or totally tyrannical. She has issues that stem from a desire to protect Equestria and "Do the right thing", while also trying to keep some measure of happiness for herself. Both sisters have the "immortality curse", but deal with it in different ways. The more the story progresses, the more it should become clear that Celestia has some serious psychological issues. So on the outside, she is the Celestia we see normally, but behind the curtain she's kind of broken.

4) Living Luna's life has changed Twilight's thinking process, at least temporarily. Luna was all about passion, and for much of her life, rebellion.

5) The finale will not take place in Luna's mind.

P.S. Sorry about the ridiculous past/present tense switches, it seemed like a good idea at the time, now I'm stuck with it!

Also, thanks for sticking with me through this crazy story and often somewhat obtuse writing! You guys are great!

And regarding the canon: Yes, this is pre Luna Eclipsed Luna. Sometimes canon issues like that happen when new stuff comes out after you've already got an idea going. I think some stuff in the first chapter has also ended up being a bit out of date because of that.

I liked the idea of Luna having this sad but amazing life, living for a thousand+ years and experiencing love and loss and all that. I'm the kind of person who believes immortality would have a lot of drawbacks. Then as I thought about Luna's return from the moon, I thought how strange it was to be die-hard anti-sun anti-Celestia one moment, and then suddenly be transformed (seemingly at least in the first season) to the emotional level of a child. Thus, the memory-erasure plot was born, which I'm finally able to talk about! But that's not quite all. The rest will be revealed sometime soon.

Le gasp!
It's gettin' good!

There! I had to fix two chapters because an observant reader pointed out that I said people instead of ponies. :facehoof::facehoof: I think I also said lend a hand once. Those have been corrected.

I'm sure there's more to what Celestia did than what Twilight is saying... after all, she can jump to conclusions at times.

1150977 You're right on the money there. Celestia has deeper motivations and Twilight is still strongly under the influence of everything she saw and thought as Luna.

Thanks for the comment!

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