Princess Celestia Eats Generic Brand Cereal

by Cobolt Soundwave

Cocoa 'splosian

Author's Note:

Please enjoy this wonderful masterpiece of a story that was made from the wonderful minds of FamousLastWords ans myself.

Welp...Enjoy all you happy pony lovers.

Celestia looked at the monstrosity in front of her.

“Really? Do you think this is funny?” The alicorn goddess looked at her personal steward, a young stallion who was now sweating profusely under her gaze.

“S-Sorry, ma’am. I thought they were the same.”

Celestia turned her gaze back to the meager offering she had received. A bag of Cheap-O brand ‘Cocoa Splosion cereal. “I specifically asked for Cocoa Puffs! Does this look like Cocoa Puffs to you?”

“W-Well, ma’am, no, but…”

“Read what it says. Please,humour me,” Celestia said with a menacing scowl.

“Umm, it says Cocoa ‘Splosion, ma’am.”

“Correct! And I asked for Cocoa Puffs…” Celestia put a hoof to her forehead. Her one day off to relax, and all she wanted was some of her favourite cereal, and she gets the generic brand instead.

“The cereal itself, well, looks the same, your highness.” The steward ventured a smile toward the Princess.

“Fine. Just… go. This will have to do.”

The steward did a brief bow, and made his way out of the dining hall.

Celestia scowled at the cereal in front of her, and levitated the bag to her bowl. With a grimace, she poured a sizable amount and then tossed the rest to the side.

The bag of “fake” cereal spilled out onto the floor, Celestia not even giving it a second glance. She realized that no milk was present on the table, and her anger flared once again.

“I have to do everything myself…” Grumbling, she made her way from the royal dining hall to the royal kitchens, and opened the royal mini-fridge. “Let’s see what our options are…”

She eyed the various milk cartons that were available. 2%, 1%, Skim, Whole. Taking a glance at her figure, she quickly levitated out the bottle of 1%. She darted her eyes over the description. “Hmm, contains less than 1% milk fat… lactose safe…. ‘straight from the utter’. That’ll do.”

Taking the milk back to the table, she immediately poured the white liquid atop her cereal. Once it reached an acceptable level, she set the bottle aside, and prepared to eat her breakfast.

She slowly levitated her spoon into the bowl of cereal, scooping a few puffs and a appropriate amount of milk into its grasp. Ever so carefully, she prodded the spoon into her awaiting mouth, and she gently sucked the contents right off.

She simply savored the flavour for a moment. Her steward was right, it did taste the same! She formed a smile on her face and greedily swallowed the contents in her mouth, and prepared to take another mouthful.

She was interrupted however when she heard the dining room door swing open.

“G’mornin, your majesty!” A black and white dairy cow by the name of Francine made her way into the room carrying a crate of milk jugs on her back. “Just delivering this week’s milk order to the kitchens.”

“Yes, thank you Franc—” Celestia’s mind trailed off as her eyes traveled to between the cow’s legs. More importantly, the bouncing pink utter that hung there.

Her eyes travelled back and forth between the utter and the milk in her bowl. Her entire life she’s known where milk comes from, but it’s never been so direct before.

‘It’s practically like I’m sucking off this cow right in front of me.’

She looked back at the nipple fodder in her bowl and pushed it away from her.

This just got weird. Can I not even enjoy a simple bowl of cereal without something ruining the experience?!

Accepting the fact that fate obviously hates her she resumed eating the clearance aisle cocoa cereal. Spoon after spoon of the sweet, creamy substance slithered down her throat like roving streams of the nile river. She could fill it fill her up in extravagant fashion, drip by drip, slurp by slurp.

It wouldn’t all fit in her mouth however, and some soon dribbled from her face, down her chin, and slowly trailed onto her soft chest fur. The white substance made her fur sticky, but she found she loved the taste and couldn’t stop eating.

“Well, your majesty, I’ve put the milk in the fridge,” the cow said, interrupting Celestia’s overtly sexual eating escapade. “May I leave now?”
Celestia tried to register what she had just heard, but there was only one thing on her mind now as she turned her gaze to the cow in front of her.

Nipples… those are some huge nipples.

“Is… everything okay, your majesty?” the cow asked, noticing that her udder was under the Princess’s radar.

“Nipples…”

“Uhh… What?”

“Oh! What’?” Celestia said, blinking rapidly trying to snap out of her nipple induced trance. “Sorry, umm...yes, you can leave if you wish. Thank you.”

Francine quickly walked away from the Princess, leaving her to return to her bowl of cereal.

Celestia looked down at the nearly empty bowl of cereal. As much as she detested the generic fallacy in front of her, she had to admit the taste was very good.

Every time the spoon entered her mouth, and she sucked the white liquid from it’s tip, it was like an explosion of goodness within her mouth. Her tongue would lap up every excess bit of the creamy substance, and she tried to let none escape.

It wasn’t enough to just eat it though, she had to feel it. Using her magic, she pushed the rock hard spoon all the way to the back of her throat. Deeper and deeper it went. Her tonsils, uvula and gag reflex were no obstacle for her taking it all the way. As the white liquid and solid brown balls found their way inside along with the hardened instrument of carnal pleasure, her brain blew into a frenzy of unbridled passion and ecstasy.

Meanwhile, Luna was watching the scene unfold with a video camera from behind the hall door, laughing uncontrollably! She handed a few bits to the steward who fetched the cereal.

“Oh, this is priceless! This is totally going viral!”

Comments

[FamousLastWords]

God, this is terrible. The paragraph indenting is inconsistent, it's too random to be funny, and not funny enough to be random, the tenses are so backward they make time travel seem possible, and everypony is out of character... even the OC's!

Dear lord, what have we created?...

[Cobolt Soundwave]

4537237 It's our child...love it, love it!

[FamousLastWords]

4537242 well, it's an ugly child

[Cobolt Soundwave]

4537246 You mean like Gen 1 ponies or gremlin's ugly?

[FamousLastWords]

4537242
i.imgur.com/yDrBZaJ.jpg

[FamousLastWords]

4537259 like this ugly
city-data.com/forum/attachments/relationships/32240d1229021853-i-know-beauty-eye-beholder-but-ugly-girl.jpg

[Cobolt Soundwave]

4537260 Well the kittens have been broken out, all arguments are invalid.

[Cobolt Soundwave]

4537265 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcfl3eVmCe1re2kqmo1_1280.jpg
quickmeme.com/img/29/29cb91a4e0ae63fe8563ee8bd04a7a97c17864459f26810950d7f44d637b056c.jpg
i.imgur.com/kqD0a.jpg?1

[FamousLastWords]

4537279
img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/funny-pictures-auto-dumb-blonde-logic-473720.jpeg
legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/062011/disney-bambi-whale.gif
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_leqglhMrcC1qdf25f.gif

YOU JUST LOST!

[Cobolt Soundwave]

4537305 Fine I admit defeat. You sir, win.

[Pyriel]

Meanwhile, Luna was watching the scene unfold with a video camera from behind the hall door, laughing uncontrollably! She handed a few bits to the steward who fetched the cereal.
“Oh, this is priceless! This is totally going viral!”

*brohoofs luna*

[The Orange Nebula]

Was listening to this the whole way through.... very dramatic...

[Radoran]

I did not get that ending but still. What? Nothing interesting happened. You were right. And then… A mutant alien elephant-type-thing falls out of the sky.

[Cobolt Soundwave]

4538024 I blame Famous for this...this thing that was spawned. It all happened after a video-chat we had. This was the result.

[themouthofmush]

whoa...just wow. i was there when some of these things were randomly created. never thought that it would see the light of day.

[Cobolt Soundwave]

4553531 I know right. hahaha I still can't believe it myself, but here it is.