This story is a sequel to Stars in His Eyes
Gold And Star have been very good friends since being foals, in fact you might even say they are the best of friends. Truly close enough to ask each other for help and be able rely on each other for anything. Follow these two as they finally confess to each other and start their relationship together.
Characters are from the Kilala universe and are in no way mine.
This sequel is done under the permission of The Princess Rarity. Go check out her stories if you haven't already.
Teen for some minor language.(nothing to bad)
Edited by Starblade
Chapters (1)
I will give you points and an upvote for effort, but I'm going to be honest here and say you need some work with grammar and pacing. What did I just read -- a little over 1.5k? That was ridiculously fast. Seriously. That, and your punctuation is off in many different places, plus you're a little OOC with the characters. (I admit, I might have accidentally done that too, but yours went a teensy bit too far.) Your premise is nice, I will not deny you that, and I'm honored you wanted to write a sequel to my story, but my advice is this--
1. Get an editor. Trust me, appearance makes all of the different in the world.
2. Go check out kilala97's profiles and stuff for her characters. That might help you understand them better.
All in all, I'll track this, in hopes it gets better.
4382859 Alright, thanks for the advice. So far I have had some one proofreading but, yeah, I really need an editor, a true one for that matter, if I'm going to have story's put out at their best.
And I'll go check out her profile aswell.
For anyone else who reads this I'm going to do some minor tweaking to the chapter. Get the Oc's right and all that good stuff.
So the story is going on Hiatus for I don't know how long. I want to focus more on my other story and get that done, along with my other one that has only just barely started. Also I want to do a little reading up on the characters so that I may get them correct. Sorry to any one who might be Waiting for the next chapter.
Heh, I see what you did there.