Equuis To Calvin

by Takerwit

The Baker's Dozen

I step up to the white steps of the town hall, if anything else this has to be one of the most tallest buildings in the town with its tinted pink windows and assorted different flag colors that im sure have something to do with states. I open the door and walk inside to find that the interior is more like a ballroom than a town hall.

There were wood balconies on every side of the of the buildings inside with curtains working as doors.

Its not until I look beside me until I see the receptionist desk near a large doorway with a curtain, the receptionist mare sitting at the desk was reading some sort of fashion magazine with some pony named Fleur-De-Lis posing in a dress. The receptionist doesn't acknowledge my presence and I know she heard me open that door. I even tried saying something and she still ignored me.

"Hey excuse me." and still silence.

I see a silver bell sitting on the counter, knowing what I must do I raise my hand over said bell.

Ting...Ting...Ting...Ting! The mare merely shuffles and flips a page. upon seeing this I increase my tempo.

TIng,Ting,Ting,Ting,Ting! This bitch is still readin yall!

I begin to go all out with the bell as I hit it on the counter, floor , wall, and occasionally parts of my body. eventually I break it and now im beyond pissed off and in a fit of rage I yank the magazine from her hooves reviling a neon yellow unicorn mare with glasses and light blue mane she had her mane done in a ponytail, I looked straight into her face and yelled

" Rude bitch you're gonna to talk to me!" that may of came across a little harsh and I might have flared my teeth a little bit but she was being ignorant, I know she heard me ringin this god damn bell!

The mare is practically frozen to her seat with fear, at least she didn't run.

"That's better, now can I please get a map for this town?"

She ducks down and grabs two folded maps one for the town another for what is safe to say all of Equestria.

"Thank you misses..." I look at the name plate.

"Quick Type." I make my way back out door now equipped with two new maps that im using right now.

I take a look at the and realize how stupid I am Carousel Boutique is like right next to sweet apple acre by a couple of blocks away. Shakin. My. Head, gotta get in the game.

"Damn this map is big..."

I move back down south this time south east past Sugarcube Corner.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

As I walk down the streets of Sugarcube Corner... sounds like some kind of candy land reference. I shake my head of those thoughts.

I push my smelly self forward to get to Rarity's house and put on a fresh set of new hoof made clothes. As I pass by a peculiar building that makes me hungry again.

A large overly decorated gingerbread house with lots of frosting and two cupcakes on top of it adorned with windows, sprinkles, and a water trough with pluming surrounded by pink flowers.

God this place is like diabetes for your eyes its so brightly colored and fluorescent, gah my retinas.

I wipe my eyes to fend off the brightness, I open them again and come face to face with Pinkie Pie staring me down.

"Whatcha doin?!" She asked with child like innocence.

"What the what?!" I stumble back and fall on my ass.

"How do you keep doing that?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about Calvie."

"You know the teleporting."

"What I just trotted over here, Pfft a earth pony teleporting that's silly."

"Sure, well I best get going." I say walking past her.

"Where ya goin?" She just catches up to me bouncing along the way.

"Back to Rarity's." I say with indifference.

When I said that she literally stopped bouncing mid air and I do mean stopped, she was floating there with anxious face.

"Yo, pinks what's wrong?"

"Umm, you probably don't wanna go back to Rarity's right now."

"And I don't because..."

"Because um, she's still making your clothes!"

"So ill just wait there."

"No, no, no it'll take to long, Oh I know you can wait at sugar cube corner!"

"But I-" Pinkie swiftly cut me off by pulling me by my hand into the pastry store.

upon entrance to the store a bell rings to let people now some one has entered, prompting a pony to come and provide service.

Pastries, Pastries everywhere.

"Hello and welcome to..." The pony in question is a tall and lanky 5'0" light amber earth pony with an under bite, and orange mane covered with one of those hats you get when you go into a Krispy Kreme, god I love donuts. He wears an peppermint patterned bow tie and a apron and green eyes. He also had a long neck for a pony, but that's as basic as a pony gets.

"Pinkie what is that thing?" he put on an anxious smile.

"His name is Calvin Mr. Cake, he's new here in ponyville and I thought he'd love to stop by at Sugarcube Corner while he waits for some new clothes." she puts a lot of emphasis on love.

"Pinkie can I talk to you for a second in the kitchen?" Mr. Cake said still keeping that smile.

"Okie Dokie Loki!" Pinkie and Mr. Cake both disappear behind an old fashioned saloon door into the kitchen.

Mr. Cakes head pokes back out from the door "Well be only just a few seconds."

I don't really care if he wants me here or not, I mean come on think about it if an employee of your well maintained establishment brought, I don't know Freddy Kruger would you want Freddy Kruger in your restaurant scaring everyone that comes in out?

Besides I still need to get to Rarity's boutique and then...actually I never thought of this before what the hell im I gonna do next after I get clothes, well the step B would be to find a place to rest my head then step C would be find a job because when I ended up here I didn't come here with my wallet so essentially im broke...Great.

I look back at the doors of the kitchen "God what is taking them so long?"

*Pinkie's POV*

"I don't know pinkie are ya sure he's not dangerous?" Mr. Cake asked Pinkie.

Mr. Carrot Cake has been talking to Pinkie about this new visitor that's been walking around all day that's gotten a lot of ponies shaken up. He doesn't want to be rude he's only trying to protect his family

"Calvin is the most nicest pony or human you will ever met, well on the count of him being the only human in Equuis." she said firmly.

"Oh I don't know Pinkie."

"Aww, please you let Gummy stay."

"Well that's because he's not full grown yet, but were talking about a full grown predator Pinkie."

"Pretty, please." she got on her knees and put here hooves together.

"Alright fine he can stay." Finally he lets up

"Yaahooo!" the pink pony commences to jump around in a circle.

"But if he threatens my family or my customers he's going to have to go." Pinkie doesn't care she's still hoping around in circles

Pinkies celebration is cut short by a shrill scream of what sounded like a filly.

*Calvin's POV*

'Come on now how long is a few seconds in this world?' I thought to myself, I've been standing here for a little while now waiting for them to be done talking.

I've been listening to music while I wait, so im just sittin there chillin rocking out to some Big Rock City when I look to my right and sitting there on the counter is a small green Alligator with weird purple eyes that stare into my soul.

"How did it even get in here so fast?"

The gator just sits there and scratches its head with the front... I don't know what it is, his flipper hand.

I calmly make my way over to it with my hand raised in an defensive manner.

"Hey there little fella." I reach my hand over the gator.

*Snap!* it decided to bite my hand, like literally my entire hand fit inside it.

I admit that my manhood is surely in question this day for I let off a scream that would frighten children.

mean while the music that i'm listening to fits the situation perfectly.

So here im fighting this alligator that has to be like 4x smaller than me and yet its relentlessly holding on to my hand, strangely and luckily enough it has no teeth so im not losing a hand but its starting to drool.

I'm trying everything from rolling on counters to waving my arms but the damn thing wont come off.

"What is this, what is this, what is my life?!" I shout at the ceiling.

I hear what sounds like babies crying upstairs and a set of hooves moving around quickly.

Mr. Cake and Pinkie pie finally come out to see what the commotion is about and see me wrestling the worlds smallest alligator.

What happens next astounds me.

"No, bad Gummy we don't bite guest without permission first!" Pinkie pulls the bastard lizard off me, its face has a sad look to it.

"Oh Gummy I couldn't stay mad at you." she rubs her cheeks on Gummy's.

"Are you alright?" Mr. Cake ask.

"Yeah, yeah im fine." I kinda brush him off.

"Pinkie you actually keep an alligator at your workplace?"

"Well technically he's not an alligator he's a Dwarf Caiman and I actually live here." Gummy the Dwarf Caiman has now made a nest in Pinkies fro.

"Same difference, and does everyone around here work at their own house?"

"Not everypony some go to the market to sell their things that they've made themselves."

I hear someone coming down the stairs and look to see a chubby mare coming down with two crying babies on her back she seems a bit tired as she moves down the steps.

her fur was a light cerulean and her mane which was in a style of frosting on a cupcake was crimson, her eyes were rose and she had fairly long fetlocks with a regular pony tail.

"Oh dear I just cant get them to stop crying I've tried to see if they're hungry or need a diaper change and... oh um who is this."

"There will be time for that later honey for now we have to worry about getting Pound and Pumpkin to stop crying."

The two little foals where wailing up a storm on their mothers back.

Pinkie Pie came bursting out the kitchen door with a bag of flour in hoof.

"Don't you worry Mrs. Cake I have got the situation under control!" she said with pride.

Mrs. Cake places the two foals gently on the ground.

A light tan Pegasus colt and a light amber unicorn filly are still crying. How can two earth ponies have a Pegasus and a unicorn?

Pinkie sits on her haunches lifts the bag of flour above her head and then proceeds to pour the entire bag on top of her head covering her in flour and turning her white.

If it worked before it didn't work now because they are still crying.

'Uh oh." Mr. Cake says

"Oh for the love of Luna make it stoooop!" Pinkie screams, even Gummy covers his...ear holes?

I guess its up to me to get them to stop crying, I did wake them up with all that commotion.

Since I know I cant sing I pull out my I pod and searched for a song from one of my favorite childhood movies and pressed play.

The two foals ceased their crying as Paul Williams sings Flying Dreams

"Dream by night, Wish by day love begins this way."

"loving starts when open hearts, touch and stay."

"Sleep for now dreaming's how lovers' lives are planned."

"Future songs and flying dreams, hand in hand."

"Love, it seems makes flying dreams so hearts could soar."

"Heaven sent these wings were meant to prove once more that love is the key, love is the key."

"You and I, touch the sky."

"The Eagle and the dove, nightingales we keep our sails filled with love."

"And love it seems made flying dreams, to bring you home to me."

"Love it seems makes flying dreams so hearts could soar."

"Heaven sent these wings were meant to prove once more that love is the key, love is the key."

"You and I, touch the sky the eagle and the dove."

"Nightingales we keep our sails, filled with love."

"Ever strong are future song, to sing it must be free."

"Every part is from the heart, and love is the key."

"And it seems makes flying dreams to bring you home to me."

The music dies down leaving two foals slowly falling asleep.

"It worked!" Pinkie shouts the Cakes quickly shush her before she wakes them up again.

Mrs. Cake carries the both foals on her back as quietly as she can back up the stairs.

"That was amazing was that you singing?" Mr. Cake ask me still whispering a little bit.

"Nope, the music came out of his little box thingy that he always carries around its filled with all kinds of neat stuff."

"Well whatever it is it sure did help us out today, feel free to come to Sugarcube Corner whenever you like."

"Thanks Mr. Cake, but I've really have to get going now I need to go get some new clothes from Rarity."

I walk out the bakery and wave goodbye to yet another set of friends I made (this has got to be a world record.) and continue my quest to take a shower. I can hear Mr. and Mrs. Cake talking in the distance.

"He's an nice Colt he just really needs a bath, he smells like Pinkie that day she decided to do the garlic challenge."

I quicken my pace to a jog. Need to get to Rarity now.

* 75 hours Later *

Not really it was only fifteen minutes. I finally return to Rarity's boutique its around 7pm now and the stores and marketplaces have closed down for the evening. I come up to the door getting ready to knock when I notice the door is slightly open.

"What the hell?"

The lights are off too...

Normally Im not into the whole scary things in life like, scary movies, scary games, and scary places. Which led to the dislike of Halloween, now im all up for the candy part of the holiday but is the scaring really necessary?

Past trick or treating has included an giant animatronic spider climbing down when I rang the door bell (mostly why im afraid of every large arachnid and insects) then there was that guy with the chainsaw, it was funny cause the whole time I was afraid to go into this inflated "haunted mansion" yes I know it was pathetic but I was young.

When I went through it was pretty lame, just two gargoyles with red eyes not really scary. Well I guess the people thought so too cause they had a guy rev up a fucking chainsaw as soon as people get to the house. When that happened I ran like hell of course my mom and grandma were there with me and they were laughing their butts off, I got my candy though shaken up in the process.

The only highlight of Halloween was when I got to pet that black snake and then got candy, best house ever.

But this wasn't Halloween, this is real life well as real as this is going to get being in a world of colorful ponies.

I hesitantly push the door open as it creaks just like in the scary movies.

'Rarity needs to buy some WD40 for this door'

"Hello?" I walk in and flick on the lights.

"SURPRISE!!!"

I about jumped out of my skin as what seemed like everyone in Ponyville was in Rarity's house. They were hiding in all kinds of places the curtains, the furniture and even the ceiling. There were unicorns and earth ponies with balloons tied on them so they float, some of them looked a little pissed. There was a large banner that read 'WELCOME TO PONYVILLE CALVIN' in blue letters.

"Were you surprised huh were ya, were ya?" Pinkie Pie a ball of energy as ever.

"Yes Pinkie you have surprised me, but how'd you get Ponies to get near me without crying wolf?"

"Wait why would they cry wolf you aren't a dog, are you?"

"...Never mind Pinkie."

The party in itself was an success the ponies were still afraid but they warmed up to me in the long run, and I even met some interesting ponies.

Lyra Heartstrings & Bonbon

When I first met Lyra at the party I thought she was crazy.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh." A 4'4" minty colored unicorn galloped toward me with a smile that rivals Pinkie's.

She pounced on me with the ferocity of a lion and gave me a hug that was as strong as a bear.

"I knew you were real, I knew it!" She yelled.

"Lyra will you stop you're making a seen." An 4'3" earth pony with a multicolored mane in hypnotic curls

"I told you humans are real, I told all of you and you didn't believe me!" she lifts me back onto my feet.

"But now I have living proof that humans exist, think of all the things he can teach us!"

"Do I know yall?"

"How do you know he's a human Lyra?" Bonbon asked.

"How do I know, Bonnie I've been seeing humans in my dreams all my life."

"Hi hello yes questions, so many questions um how do you know what a human is?"

Thus goes the story of Lyra Heartstrings who lived in Baltimare, she's been having 'visions' of humans since she was a foal the problem was she couldn't here the voices. She's seen a lot of things about humanity things that ponies always dreamed of but could never attain and sometimes she saw things that would give a minotaur nightmares. She tried to tell Ponies about the 'visions' but of course nopony believed her the other foals made fun of her, and her parents just brushed it off as a child's imagination gone wild.

That's until she met Bonbon, she may have not believed in Lyra but she saw past her faults and saw Lyra for who she really is. Unfortunately they went separate ways to different colleges. After they graduated they both headed for ponyville hearing that the small town had a lot of opportunity for ponies just starting out in the world, it had been two weeks since Lyra moved to Ponyville and one day she decided to visit a candy shop named "Simply Sweet" (Trademark) and low and behold Bonbon works there, and she lived a few blocks from her house. They've lived here ever since.

"Damn that's a pretty deep story."

"Umm sure, is that a human saying?" Lyra asked

"Yall got a lot to learn."

Thunderlane, Cloudchaser, and Flitter.

Thunderlane a Pegasus whom is Cloudchaser's "colt friend" is a part of a weather team that manages weather in Ponyville. If I didn't know enough I would say he was a bachelor with the way he acts. He's about 5'0" with a slate gray coat, mane is a light blue Mohawk. I didn't want to believe it before but I'm eating my words because Thunderlane pushed a cloud into Rarity's house (of which she did NOT approve) and showed me evidence of Pegasi magic even sculpting the cloud in different shapes being a show off.

I guess Rainbow dash felt the need to step up cause she proposed me a Sonic Rainboom and It was amazing it like a living jet but with rainbows, and im not gonna lie I sang the reading rainbow theme song out loud im man enough to admit that.

Cloudchaser and Flitter are obviously twin sisters they have the same coat color and mane color and even the same height of 4'6", thank goodness you can still tell them apart by their cutiemarks, mane style, voice, and Flitter has that big ass pink bow so we good.

DJ PON-3 (Vinyl Scratch)

This pony seems familiar to me like I've seen her before white coat, electric blue mane, and I cant see hear eyes with those goggles on but she bops her head to a song I've never heard of before something about "Trotting through autumn leaves." her tail is a lion tail and she has canines still unlike most ponies.

She a cool chic really, we shared music artist with each other and we both like Hip-hop but she kinda likes mine better than hers. She speaks of a roommate she has who's a little uptight and doesn't like wubstep or hip-hop much and instead likes classical music but she is in Trottingham visiting family.

I also met others like: Bulk Biceps a very muscular Pegasus with very small wings which is a medical condition so to divert attention from his small wings he worked out... a lot, Gizmo a nerdy earth pony in dire need of proactive, Cloudkicker who works at an rainbow factory making the color green, Berrypunch who is a resident drunk/bartender/wine maker, and The Flower sisters and they were very sorry about causing a ruckus over me.

Soon the party winded down and ponies began to go home, a few stayed to help clean up the mess.

Now all that's left is to decide where im going to sleep tonight, but Rarity had it covered and is allowing me to stay at her home free of charge which is awesome.

Soon everyone is gone and there's just me and Rarity, she took the liberty of hanging all my clothes in her guest room upstairs knowing that the problem of where I was going to live would arise.

"Hey Rarity where's your bathroom at?"

'Upstairs in between my room and Sweetie belle's room."

I thank her and head for the bathroom quick so I can do some business.

* A Few Minutes Later *

I come out the bathroom smelling so fresh and so clean with a towel covering my waist and head quickly for the guest room where I shall rest my head.

I open the door and turn on the lights which were powered by some weird crystal thing, the room was very lavish and expensive looking id hate to mess it up. I open the sliding closet door filled with basic everyday clothes like tee shirts, shorts, jeans, and of course underwear. (Rarity was sweating a lot when we talked on that subject I don't know why seeing as they never really wear clothes let along underwear) I put on a fresh new white tee and blue pajamas.

"I'm going to have to pay Rarity back for this somehow."

So I turn the lights back off and jump into the bed covering my self up in the blanket bout ready to black out.

"Goodnight darling!" I here Rarity shout.

"Goodnight Rares!" I yell back.

and then I grab some sleep which I will need for tomorrow for what's to come.

Comments

[Therisinghero]

[ReverseBrony]

"What is this, what is this, what is my life?!" I shout at the ceiling.

Game grumps reference much?