Living alone in a world full of ponies is tiresome sometimes, thankfully it isn't that kind of story, with the aid of his 'uncles' and his new friends perhaps he can live in this new home of his, and perhaps find love.
Page generated in 0.081 seconds
Total duration
832 users online
529,244 hits today, 2,673,812 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Now I'm truly afraid if the pink one has zero recipe.
Let me start off by saying this is a good story. With that out of the way I want to tell, get an editor. It was rough reading this story. There are many spelling, tense, word and grammatical errors. Please, get an editor. This story is enjoyable and would be even more if it was properly written.
TRADE PLACES!
5677479 I'll tell you one thing, no one is safe...
5677677 Thanks, but it's easier said than done.
That reminds me, you do know this is a present tense story, right?
5677726 Tinker, Taylor, soldier,sailor none are save from the pink ones wrath. Lol
5677781 Why do I have the feeling that was from a poem?
5677791 it might have been but i got it from ultimate hellsing
5677893 Ah.
5677727 YES! I know this is a present tense story. I mean when you use past tense verbs and then you have present tense verbs in the same passage, i.e.
red = present tense verbs
blue = past tense verbs
yellow = incorrect words
purple = ambiguous word
This passage is in the past tense. There is not really needed but is acceptable if punctuated correctly. Personally, I would leave it out. "March" should be "marched." "Burn" should be "burned." "Out" is unneeded. It confuses the sentence and is incorrect. Also "marched straight up" to where: the throne, the wall, the john, the bathtub, or to the sun? You need a destination when you use such an action as marched, walk, ran, or sauntered, or use a conjunction to combine the actions of movement and speech, in this case. It gives the action more purpose and it forms a more coherent picture. I am also confused was it's Grey's house that burned down or his nephew's? The possession of the house should be the nephew's based on the previous chapters in the story. Bring is an incorrect verb because Celestia is not going and bringing anyone along. It should be "send" because she is sending the guard in question. "From what I heard," usually preludes a following story not end one. "That is" or "That's" would be more correct in this situation. Also there should be a comma after well in the beginning. It is a interjection. Here is a version that is correct, and easier to understand.
I understand that finding someone to edit your work is hard, but it would be worth it. Keep working at it and I hope to see you improve.
This story is getting good, but also getting more grammar mistakes. If you (Author), have to slow down to enhance the quality of the story, then by all means, DO IT!.....please?
5685034 ...Mkay. I won't make any promises, but I'll try to fix my grammar.
5712196 As in the words of Fluttershy: Yay!
6517711 Understandable, currently being editing as we speak, just need motivation to do it.
6536561 Yeah, he does have his moments.