Novel Idea
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"under his own wait"
"under his own weight"
otherwise interesting
tracking
19055 I knew that would happen >.< goddamn my hands
....Aren't Caramel and Big Macintosh related?
19084
Part of the Apple family aren't they?
Hmm.. so this is a Yaoi Incest Ship fic, who would have guessed?
That's so gay you can suck my nuts
19113 But wouldn't him sucking your nuts also be gay? Just don't read it if you don't want to, like me. Don't have to insult the author
This story is quite interesting, though not my usually shipping. I'm certainly willing to give it a try since it envolves on of my favorite ponies.
to the people asking if caramel and big mac are related, thats unknown its never said in the show other then "he lost some seeds" which could mean hes just help for winter wrap up, and that event had everyone involved so that doesnt say either here or there.
most people who like this ship dont beleive they are related, the people who like that normally go for braeburn and big mac (not my thing personally) but some stories have had them be far off relations but not in a caramac ship. hope this explains it a bit better.
however after reading this for a little while, this fic does have them related from the look of it, wow put a hoof in my mouth before i read the fic
19141 for the purposes of this story they are related though distantly
I'm liking this story so far, and though i personally have no issue with this (even think it's kind of cute) I can't help but notice how a majority of the shipfics (at least in my perception) involve mostly homosexual interactions. This pair is actually pretty cute, and I'm not sure if this was what you were going for but I like how it ties into how Mac "hurt himself" right before the applebuck season episode, and I like the way how Caramel is portrayed (even though this was the most timid interpretation I've yet to see). Everything seems to flow pretty well with itself so I have to say i'm sufficiently charmed at the over-arching storyline.
Unfortunately i do have to take out my red pen at a few points, i won't point them all out in this comment (no offense but there are quite a few very small screwups) but the ones that annoyed me the greatest were as follows:
"If he was a coltcuddler, a term he had picked up from his Aunt and Uncle Orange who had visited a few years ago from Manehatten, then how would his family react."
"… if he did love Macintosh how would the family take it, or worse how would Macintosh take it."
these sentences should be followed by question marks
"But he loves him."
This is the only instance of this problem (that I saw anyway), but here lies an unprompted and incorrect transition from past tense to present.
and finally "Macintosh laid there, unable to move his eyes heavy."
This sentence here has a misplaced comma that I'm sure most folks would just read right over, but it put the pause in my little mental daemon in the wrong spot, so reading it in my head drove me insane!
All in all just a bunch of tiny grammatical issues that popped up, and frankly ones that any of the most talented writers in the universe could easily make, they don't really detract from the story as a whole (i love it so far!) but it's always a good thing to just give your story a once-over and read it out loud to yourself to see if you notice any silly sounding sentences or words. Sometimes you won't notice them while you're writing because you know what you're thinking and writing about. the readers don't however so it helps put you in our shoes to read it to yourself and find silly mistakes like that. Either way i look forward to the next chapter, tracking!
end rant
Oh caramel, why can't you stop losing things.
Mac, I knew you were a creeper!
Great story, I have high hopes for this story
M/M relationships are an affront to the Greater Good.
t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQr99NY6VMGEPtiIMDOTrik1YD93Pr2o39iuIGu7WTJ7bA0ve1h
20868 dont even go there u evil sad loser. M/M is perfectly fine. u dont like? then dont read it
A homosexual story? (no offense I'm a bisexual myslef)
Might give this a read
lol There were many parts in this story where the word "buck" started to sound very suggestive to me...
Why did I get a boner?
Again I got a boner...
Homo as it is and Im not embarrased, well maybe a little but, I enjoyed the story, the feeling between Caramel and Mac made me smile...
Shit double comment?
Soooo this is an interesting read. Not sure exaactly how comfortable I am with the whole cousins things. Kinda help if i think of ponyville as more set in an older time therefore older mindset where its more acceptable. Still though its pretty good. Some grammatical errors but nothing so bad as to make me hate it. Keep it up though.
19114 This is mrheadpopper, the most retarded person on the net. Sooooo... it's pointless to talk to him.
Also.
i310.photobucket.com/albums/kk429/YawnSighGasp/Reaction%20gifs/tumblr_lpdjbuUm2e1qiea0v.gif
man for some reason I love gay couples. this is awesome! can't wait till the next chapter!
19142
19142
For this purpose of this story? Dammit, i don't know where this concept came from, but it really bugs me for some reason. They aren't effin related, i'm sorry. Tho imma prolly still read your story, since I still love mac and caramel together.
60155 I would like to point out that this story was rejected by EQD striclty on the grounds that the site considered it canon that Caramel and Big Mac were relatives and would not allow an incest fic on their sit
60163 I've personally read at least three bigmac x caramel fics on EQD, so suck on that!
70917 yes they are on EQd however EQD spoke with me and informed me that they are no longer allowing "incest fics" on their site, they also have no intent to take the old ones down.
So far i like this story a lot, its very interesting.
I loved this story, i really hope theres another chapter, this story seriously made me blush, i like how its a homosexual story (not to offend anyone, im bisexual myself) cause it puts an interesting twist on the story.
19114 Hellooo, we have Mr Headhopper here! The BIGGEST dickhead on the site!
This used to be my one and only Mac-ship. I mean, now I hold a torch more for Macinpants, but this one is still strong and beloved. Good to see a little M/M love around here. All my stars.
this is so cute, gay or otherwise its a great story
Few grammatical errors, and I'm not a huge fan of the whole cousins thing, but..
So cuuuuuuuuuute.
More please!
I wait forever for this to update and this is what I get?!?!?!
This is what I say to you......
upload.slightlymore.co.uk/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/93a29064_Slow-Clap.gif
i hope you keep making more updates, just this time i'd like to request a little less time in between
152397 have new laptop so hopefully if school and job will allow it all my stories will update a bit more regularly.
152275
I agree. Somewhat disappointing, and it seems like the author tried to branch off into a mystery/shipping hybrid, which I don't think worked too well.
Grammar and punctuation is a bit off too, though that can happen when you're excited about a story
Valiant effort, OP, just please stick to shipping, that's something you're very good at
Magnificent, I have waited a long time for this to update. Thank you
152483 I wasn't so mcuh attempting to make this a mystery as I was filling in the holes in Caramels background, this fic was never intended to be a "incest" fic, but its also supposed to deal with the problems a homosexual relationship in a rural setting. So it is what it is
153143
Ah, I think I get it now.
Sorry if I sounded scornful earlier ,I'm in an awful mood. I am considering reading C-.. you know the rest, that how much of a vindictive mood I'm in at the moment
Good story though.
153179 so now that its been confirmed as non incest I can be as cloppy as I want
Applause and delight! Non-incest, and very touching. I love it.
Jonagold and Granny Smith gained much "respect bro" in here. Telling what are basically the most important members of their family off like that takes some serious guts to pull of. And I only type it like this because everything else doesn´t express me strong enough. keep going.
We have been forgotten, it seems.
153301 , this is unacceptable!
UPDATES!
196057 I promise you have not been forgotten, I will update the moment I have free time and the story comes to me
promise.
Really really cute.
Also, I felt the sex scene was unrealistic. Regardless of the 'natural' lube, if Caramel was a virgin, I would think he'd need at least some, if not a lot, of preparation before taking *Big* Mac.
Just my two cents there..
ALSO! Right up near the top, AJ said "Bettah." I really think "Beddur" or "Bed'err" would be more suitable. "Bettah" just sounds and feels a little clunky, whereas the rest of her accent flows well.
Thanks for the update
289025 It's been so long since i've written anything pornographic i'm losing my touch
this is the worst possible thing that could ever happen!
289092
Sure is.
Maybe a slight edit could have Caramel buck a tree, thus having very oily tree-sap on hoof to use for his sexual adventures?
Not that I'm trying to write your story, or anything.
*cough*
Just want it to be realistic-ish.
289101 Or make his pain in the situation a bit more realistic. Well as usual I don't have an editor and if i spent my time editing all of my stories nothing would ever get up.
I do what I must. I will revise it during the next cycle when I find the time to do so and make it more realistic... please enjoy unrealistic pony sex while i work on the other fics and school work 