Big Macintosh tried his best to simply travel through life without causing any trouble, and without getting too attached to somepony outside of his family walls. But as a childhood friend he thought to be long forgotten by the name of Caramel suddenly shows up unexpected, he happens to bring a few demons along with him.
A hundred miles away however, The Wonderbolts tour around Equestria, each new show of their Equestrian tour becoming more and more stressful for the lot. It becomes harder and harder to maintain a somewhat normal daily life for vice-captain, Soarin, and even harder to keep a bond between him and his coltfriend, Braeburn Apple.
Chapters (2)
HA FIRST, and nice story as always XD
Ah yes, exposition. It's a start to a very cute story. Though I am curious as to why your telling two stories , that as of right now, don't really have much to do with each other. You've got CaraMac in ponyville, and SoarBrae in another city, so I'm assuming that the story lines are going to intersect sometime down the road, thus the title "Crossroads". Also, is this SoarBrae the same ones from Entangled Pathways?
I guess I'm just concerned with the choice of having two parallel stories running at the same time, since it'll be tough balancing them out so that one's not more interesting than the other, but I'm sure you've got something planned. Can't wait to see what's next.
Stop making Braeburn so cute. You're going to make me cry when the inevitable plot comes rolling around and bad things happen. Also, I want to see a .gif of Caramel chasing his tail like a dog. That would be one of the cutest things to ever be put into motion.
There are a couple things I can complain about, though one of them only happens a couple times in the beginning. That would be the awkward descriptions. You know how when subs of anime have awkward sayings that no English speaking person ever says (ex. What are you saying all of a sudden like you're a big shot? Why would you say something like that at a time like this)? You know how they seem like two or more sentences mashed together with minimal or no punctuation? Some of your descriptions feel like that when Mac is searching for Caramel. Like I said, though, that's only in the beginning and doesn't show up for the rest of the chapter. It is something you want to keep an eye out for in the future. The second thing I can complain about is your spelling and grammar every now and then. The errors are spread throughout the chapter, though the number is small compared to the amount of words.
You're very welcome for the help before submission. I don't get to review or edit other people's work that often, so it's a nice change of pace for me. It's embarrassing when I make the same mistakes I berate others for making, though XD
Wow, i really like it so far! <3 it is interesting and has caught my attention! Can't wait for more!
1329532 Grammar is my biggest enemy...
"I'm the only one who can keep you alive. And I'm the only one who can kill you." - My Fucking Grammar Errors.
And, yeah, awkward fansubs is a good way to describe my hard time in booting up this story for quite some time.
And I don't make Brae so cute, he is simply adorable without even trying. How do you think I feel personally putting him through tragedy?
1329271
Nothing to do with Entangled Pathways, pretend it is another universe entirely.
And... I'm telling two stories because look up this god damn anime.
This story...one word for it...awesome. I finally got around to reading and I love it. You are very descriptive with the scenery, the weather helps sets the mood and the characters are simply perfect...Although for some reason I want to punch Soarin really badly. I don't know why? I am not a grammar nazi but I notice a couple errors. The direction is perfect as Big mac sees somepony who he hasn't seen in a while and his reaction to it is great. Brae and Soarin's are great as well and is different from the other two. internal conflict in beginning is a great way to introduce the character and their problem. Right now I am favoriting it...liking it and can't wait for chapter 2...
One last note: Don't put too much pressure on yourself...it can be bad for the mind and give you early grey hairs.
1331343 I love when I get comments that tell me in depth of what they liked and disliked in the story...
Although I'm beginning to dislike the title... bleh, might change it.
1333228 Well it is a work in progess...people change the names of their products...look at Nintendo, before it was called the revolution and now the Wii. Also, that is the type of commenter I am, I disect stories and say what is good and what is bad about them. you should see my tumblr...crazy shit happens there
I presume you are the good doctordash on DA?
Read this already just the other day. Really like it; can't wait for the next chapter!
I love it! I must Fav it now!
1348510static1.fjcdn.com/comments/this+is+my+favorite+meme+by+far+_a6704f7520dd8c4606b9a8b937f8fcd5.jpg
I am too tired to reply to comments.
Yay!
You updated. As always, the best.
Finally I got around to reading this update, After looking it over I can see the differences in each group. Big Mac being unsure of what to do with Caramel and Caramel being a nervous wreck. Soarin' feeling guity about Braeburn and Braeburn not being use to this lifestyle. You describe each scene beautifully with the cold playing an important aspect with each pony. Finally...I see what you did there with the flashback. I love it! Keep up the good work and I hope that AMV or PMV or selling your soul to the persona devil that a friend of mine did
1417639 I sold my soul to the persona devil long ago. I'm about to buy Persona 3 PSP, Persona 4, Persona 1 on PSP, and someday Persona 2 on PSP...
I also need to buy a PSP charger...
Also I feel a lot better about you being my second comment on this chapter after it being online 12 hours since you put more than one sentence... thanks...
1417667 Well...I would have commented sooner...if I didn't have to do college homework the night you update. I always love to comment and say more than one sentence on the chapter due to it's content. Saying great chapter doesn't really help a writer know what they did well in. Also...persona seems to peak my interest after hearing several people talk about it. I would love to play it if I have the time. Probably worth my time since Japan makes awesome games...and look at me rant about different things again
.
1417819 Persona requires a lot of time. I've been playing it every day for about five hours in these past two weeks, and I'm only a month after the halfway point (The game is measured in months)
1417977
that is a long time...I played a game that took me several years to beat...but that is because I was trying to be a perfectionist. I saw Two Best Friends play this game and had over 100+ hours on it
1418045 Persona 3 is the game I'm playing, from what I understand you can play any of them and it's a new game and story with new characters and such. Except they all take place in the same universe.
Persona 3 FES has The Journey, which was the first release of the game which is about 70 hours if you take your time to level up and do EVERY social link, plus The Answer which was an epilogue that's about 30 hours long.
Personally if you do get into the series, I recommend you start with Persona 3 FES or Persona 4.
1418056 are they for the PS2...I don't have a PS3. I have an xbox 360 and WII
1418117 Persona 3 and 4 are for Playstation 2. There are remakes on PSP for Persona 3 where you can choose a female character route (Just a lot of extra stuff with new routes and soical links in female version) I'm pretty sure there's a Persona 4 Golden on PSP....
1418172 Don't have a psp but I am probabl sure I can get persona 3 for my PS2. Gamestop might have that
1418194 Make sure to get FES.
1418264 I'll ask my friend...I'm sure he has it
I can't believe I actually forgot to favorite this. This crime against... homosexuality? Ponies? Shipping?... shall not go uncorrected!
1583825 It is a crime against crimes.
Wonderful writing again as I've come to expect from you. Thanks ^^
Please don't give up on this!
So cute I love this
please dont give up on us
I love your writing
I need it
6401194
Oh this story was abandoned a long time ago. The CaraMac half of it was incorporated into Melting Snow for my general plan with the story with less of a dark tone and more general romancy stuff.
6401230
Yea i see that 3 years
Hope u doin well