The Long Track Ahead
Stan was starting to lose the feeling in his hooves. He was flying for a couple hours before his wings gave out, so he stuck to walking, luckily for him he managed to get out of the forest so now he was just on the outskirts, but now his arms and legs were starting to feel the burn. The worst part wasn’t just the pain in his body, or the fear in his mind, it was something greater than that.
He had absolutely no idea where he was going. He knew what the place looked like, but when he and his siblings were flying to Canterlot, he spaced out through the whole trip; it wasn’t like he was ever gonna go back anyway.
“Oh yeah.” He said. “I do need to go back.” He flung his body on a nearby hill and laid their in pain. “This is so pointless!” He yelled. “Why does the Queen think that she’ll even agree, she hates changelings.” He rubbed his hooves, trying to get some strength in them again. “That princess will just…”
He stopped rubbing, he felt something, something in the ground, it wouldn’t stop vibrating, and he knew exactly what it was. “Oh Chrysie.” He whispered. “She’s right under me!” She must've heard him when he was yelling. his mind was now bringing images of the dream last night into his head.
He activated fight or flight mode and went with the latter as he flew into the air, hitting his head on a tree branch in the process. He clung to it like a helpless hatchling clinging to a caretaker. “Oh for queens sake don’t find me…”
He trembled in fear and closed his eye, hoping for it to go away, but he could still feel the vibrations even though he was in a tree. He could almost hear her laughter, the horrible cheesy song, the galloping of her hooves, her whistle, and…
“Wait, does she whistle?” Stan slowly opened his eyes and looked at the area. “Whew, no princess, just a train.” He glanced over at the hill side to see train tracks mounted on the top, and a train was soon to pass. "Wait..a train." He smiled, knowing now he would be getting a free ride.
He leaped off the tree and flopped on the hillside again, making sure the train drivers couldn’t see him, he felt the whole ground shake as the train finally passed him. The loud sounds were forcing his ears to fold down. He craned his neck to the left to see just how long this train was.
“It seems normal size," He murmured "about ten carts..." but that didn’t matter to him, he put on an sly face as the last cart pasted him and charged at the caboose while running on the tracks, he would've used his wings but they were still resting. His hooves were already starting to give in too.
“Come on Stan, you can make this...Just...pretend you’re being chased by…” His eyes went wide as that thought came to mind. In shock, he looked backwards to see the crazed alicorn chasing him, her eyes ablaze, her fangs razor sharp, and her green serpent-like tongue gliding across them.
“I gotcha now, little bug”
Within seconds, Stan's eyes closed and his wings flew open. Before he knew it he was hanging on to the door of the train cart. It took him some time to open his eyes (even more for him to stop shaking,) but as they did, he looked in all directions for that changeling chomper. “W-where did she go?” He asked himself. “D-d-did she fly away? Well forget this.” Without another word, he flung open the door and dove right in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pony panted heavily in front of a sink, thinking that any moment now that ‘they’ will find out. “Okay...Deep breaths, they don’t know yet...For all you know...they are completely oblivious.” He looked up at the mirror and frowned. “How can anyling fall for this.” He groaned and slumped down to the floor of the bathroom. “Oh, who am I kidding, they will find out, any minute now they’ll just burst through the d-”
*BASH*
The pony fell to the floor and shielded his face from the pain that he thought would soon come. “Okay okay! I confess...I’m...I’m a...ah....wait…what?” He lowered his hoof to see a creature he hadn’t seen in a long time, one he had thought was now long gone, a beast that he knew couldn’t be real. “Brot-”
Before he could make another sound, the creature leapt right on top of him and looked deep into his eyes. “You didn’t see anything ya groundwalker!” The black bug yelled. “If you so much as...wait…” The bug squinted his eyes at the pony, the stallion was starting to get a bit nervous.
“They hatch from a cave.” The bug whispered.
The pony’s eyes lit up. “Only on the walls.” He whispered back.
The bug then picked him up by his shoulders and brought him to his feet. “What is a changeling like you doing on a train.” The changeling said in a serious tone. He knew this pony was an impostor since he knew about the counter response to his statement.
The impostor pony gulped. “Well, you know...just...starting over.” He looked down on the floor. “So how are you doing, Stan?" He gave a grin, that then went away as his brother smacked him across the face, dropping his disguise in the process.
“I’m doing horrible Carl,” Stan said. “right now I need to deliver this” He held up the paper with his magic. “To a princess.” He lowered the paper and put his face inches away from Carl. “but besides that, I’m just fine. So, how's the whole 'creating a new life and abandoning us' going?”
“I-I didn’t abandon you guys.” Carl darted his eyes back and forth. “I just...knew what was gonna happen and just...went with it.” He tried to smile, but Stan’s face was starting to make that too difficult. "I-I even have a job as Jr. train operator."
Stan stepped back and closed the door. “So you left us, you and about a bunch of other brothers and sisters who decided that leaving the hive and helping themselves would be a better idea than helping us.”
Carl stepped forward. “You don’t understand Stan. I-”
Stan put a hoof in his mouth. “I don’t want to hear it, and frankly, I don’t care; So do you think you can help me?” Stan just wanted to get this behind him, normally he would want to hear all about how this traitor of a bug decided to leave them, but right now, he just wanted this paper to be in that monster's white hooves.
Carl spit in the sink and looked back at him. “You’re just delivering a letter to that purple alicorn right, I don’t see how I could help?”
“All you’ll be doing is getting me off this this...purple alicorn?” Stan raised one of his eyes to simulate a raised eyebrow. “No, I’m giving it to...well...you know.”
“The pink one?”
“No.”
“The dark blue one?”
“No!”
“Oh! the white one.” Carl smiled. “What was her name again?”
Stan's back legs were starting to shake. This was becoming too much for him, he was trying to pull of this tough guy act in front of this bug, but right now, he was starting to get a little big scared. “I...can’t really remember.”
“Oh wait, I know.” Carl ran up to Stan and smiled. “She’s that hatchling eater right?”
Stan immediately pushed him away. “She’s not...a…a...” He could feel his heart beating already.
“Come on Stan.” Carl flapped his wings and looked down on his sibling. “You remember that story.”
Stan’s lungs were starting to work in overdrive. “N-no I don’t, a-and I don't want to.”
Carl landed next to him and wrapped his arm around his neck. “Oh come on, that story was one of the best ones our older brothers told us. They really kept us up at night, huh?”
“...Right” Stan put on a weak smile and gulped, he knew all too well about that story, and how his brothers went into as much detail as possible when telling it.
“But us being older, we know she doesn't actually eat changelings.”
Stan started to sweat. “Carl.”
“Or that she doesn’t actually rip them apart with her bare hooves.”
“C-Carl.”
“Or that her eyes can't melt your brain.”
“Carl.”
“Or that her teeth can't chew through-”
“CARL!” Stan yelled as he flew into the air, hovering over his sibling. “I don’t want to hear it.” He landed in front of him and sighed.
“You okay, you know it was just a stor-”
“Its not just a story Carl!” Stan started breathing heavily.
Carl recoiled from Stan's constant outbursts. “Easy Stan, I’m just trying to remind you of the good old days.”
“Carl,” Stan said blankly. “all I want to do right now, is take this paper to her.”
“Why?” Carl took the paper from his hooves and looked at it. “What's it about?”
Stan grabbed the paper from him and snarled. “It's a...it's nothing.” Stan knew that if he got him involved with this, Carl would most likely be killed by that white tyrant, she goes after the dumb ones first anyhow, and as much as Stan wanted to, he knew it wasn’t right.
“Alright, fine. If you don't want to tell me, that's okay.” Carl started making his way to the door. “Welp, good luck with that brother.” He changed back into his disguise and opened the door. “This train is heading for Canterlot anyway, so I hope you have fun on your little journey.”
“Carl-”
*SLAM*
Stan groaned. “UGH, stupid insect.” He turned on the sink and started washing his face. “Maybe I should let him come with me, it would at least buy me some time to run from that beast, how long would it take for her to eat him though?”
“I’d rather have you little one”
Stan instantly raised his head and looked at the mirror to see the Princess looking deep into his soul. He screamed and fell to the floor panting.
After a few seconds, he got enough courage to stand up and look at the mirror again, only this time he could see himself. He sighed and said. “It's just a story Stan...just a story…” He turned and walked out of the bathroom, but not before retching into the sink first.
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4464456 I'm getting a Jonah vibe here...
lol i feel so sorry for him.........
He is really having some rough days
could you actually have a flashback of the story being told or something
Caaaaarl
Why do they have human names?
Stan really needs a therapist.
4466145
Lol this came to mind as soon as that name was mentioned. XD
Poor Stan.
Awesome story. A really different type of plot that hasn't been seen before on this site, at least as far as I know. Definite sub right here.
'Could of' / 'would of' / 'should of' / 'must of' are all incorrect in English;the confusion stems from the similar sounding 'could've' (etc.) This should be 'must have' or 'must've'.
it's okay stan. Here watch this! It'll get your mind off of the changeling-eater:
WARNING: Adorableness
4466145 Aww you beat me to it. I totally read this chapter hearing that voice!
CAAAAARL!
Nice story so far, but I found some things you may want to edit.
That should be "passed" and "have".
The apostrophe is missing.
And this should end with a question mark and a comma should probably be put before Stan's name. Otherwise, it sounds like Carl is asking how someone is screwing Stan.
4466056 ... No. No you're not. Jonah tried to go in the OPPOSITE direction of Nineveh. Stan is headed straight for Canterlot. Jonah, when he DID make it to Nineveh, didn't think God would actually forgive them, so he waited for the fire and brimstone to rain down.
You're trying to compare Stan's fear of Celestia to Jonah's hatred/racism of Nineveh. That just... does't work.
4466633 Wasn't comparing the entire story, just the " Can't you send someone else?" bit
Fun chapter. I like your comedic take on changelings. I bet Carl's reason for not staying with the hive is because he fell for somepony. ;)
4466816 Except that Jonah never SAID that. Jonah just ran, period. You're thinking of Moses, not Jonah. (Moses didn't want to go because he was slow of tongue, etc. etc.)
But we're getting off-topic. Sorry author.
4466903 Just goes to show how much I know
Can't wait for more
Hooves are hard and unfeeling. No nerves.
Anyway, a good story so far. Can't wait to see where this goes.
Keep it up, the story is moving along nicely!
4464456
Stan's not just scared, but he's having nightmares and (as of the most recent chapter, which came out admittedly after you posted) hallucinations. This is probably more serious than even a phobia.
The author's got to do something with that dark tag.
4466145 Well I just added some new ideas for my bucket list
Poor Stan... He has such a hard time....
That sounds like fun, but I bet the story's of Celestia eating changelings have some grain of trouth even if it's the wrong pony that initiated it. [Exhibit one Slender pony.]
Sorry that I kinda 'threw' Carl the changeling into the story, I couldn't really figure out a way to explain why Stan was scared stiff in the first place without using a flashback. Plus, I wanted to show the relationship between a changeling deciding to go his own way in life vs one that will always stay obedient to the queen.
Oh, why didn't I use a flashback,
because the story takes place in the 'now' not the 'later', flashbacks are too long to explain anyway, its easier to say: "Remember that story that gave you that phobia in the first place, yeah, wasn't that funny." than write about changelings being mean to their younger siblings.
and I couldn't resist using the name.
4466145 hit it right on target, along with the others who were thinking the same thing.
I know I was at the time.
...whoa.
Jeez, poor changeling has some SEVERE stress/phobia issues. If he's hallucinating his worst fear in the mirror, he's at least halfway to full-blown psychosis. Like, the padded-room-and-straitjacket variety. Tia's gonna have a hard time even understanding his message, much less getting him to stop cowering in the corner and screaming.
4460760 Your could try to find an editor in Overly Extensive Editors or perhaps Looking for Editors among other places!
There are a bunch of editing groups but those are the two I know off the top of my head.
) I would offer my own abilities, but I have a 45k fic in my editing queue and am wrapping up the current editing project. Perhaps one of the folks who pointed out some corrections in comments might be willing to assist you? 
This is a very interesting story and I hope you continue! (but I also think you are correct in that you need a bit of editing.
That cover art is some serious nightmare fuel
Just saying, but we have now had two chapeters ending with stan puking. ill bet this is the start of a wonderful puke trend. and at the end, a giant puke monster rises from all of the vomit that has been expelled throughout the story, attacks stan, and drowns him in his own bile.
Looking forward to more!
4469046 So a buddy of mine adopted his arachnophobia at a young age, after his older brother trapped him in a blanket that had an open spider nest sack. So the point is, I guess siblings suck.
Okay, no, but really, the origin story to Stan's phobia so nonchalantly regailed by a similar aged sibling was rather believable and comical. Also, your best use of punctuation yet. Pronouns can get kinda messy when referring to two of the same thing, and you managed.
Keep practicing the good pulp, doc.
This is an interesting premise, but the grammar is more grating than an industrial shredder. I'll read for sure after it's been tenderly combed by a good editor.
4469046 MOAR
So maybe I haven't gotten this yet, but if changelings feed on emotions like love, then what exactly is Stan puking up?
4474330
eat some of it and get all sappy.
Well it could possibly be liquid love
I honestly was wondering the same thing.
4474330
Another interesting question we shouldn't probably be thinking about would be "What does partially-digested regurgitated love even look like?"
4475757
4474449
Well I'm just asking because I'm wondering what the next pony that uses that bathroom is going to think.
Stan has a horrible phobia of Celestia, and he is seeing hallucinations of her wherever he goes.
Hope he isn't mentally imbalanced. If this gets worse, he might have a nervous breakdown by the time he gets to Canterlot. And him ending up screaming and babbling at Celestia not to kill him.
I may print a grim picture, but it is mainly because Phobia's take a long time to get over, if ever. They are irrational, and even if you KNOW there is nothing to fear, you are still scared of it.
4476920 It is unlikely that they subsist on a diet of emotion alone. I always believe they used the emotions of ponies to power their magic and get a bit stronger. But they still need to eat and drink.
But since they have fangs, they are likely omnivores, so the problem would be what would the next pony think if they find MEAT in the bathroom.
Three chapters in and I'm still not sure how to take this. Looking forward to more.
Deus tecum.
Hahahaahahahah! His Phobia is so strong, he's hallucinating!
I'm only three chapters in, and I can safely say that this story is, quite frankly, god awful. You gave the changelings human names, you switch between past and present tense frequently, and you point out things that are either obvious or redundant far too often. It's disgraceful.
HOWEVER
Given how old the comments are, I can safely conclude that you are somewhat new to writing, and as such, these things can be partially forgiven.
My advice would be to find somebody to proof read this, look up the difference between Show vs Tell, and understand that human names on Equestrian things screws up immersion immensely.
"latter"
"passed"
"chasing". Either "a blaze" or "ablaze". "and" only goes before the last item in a list, remove this one. No punctuation at the end. The whole sentence can be reworded to sound better, try this:
"how's". "thing". "going" would probably fit better.
"monster's"
"ones". Should be two separate sentences, put a period after the first "us".
Both should be "it's"
There were a lot more errors, but I didn't have the time to mark them all down. You should try and work on that.
"Carl" the changeling. That's just so bland it's funny and silly.
What is he eating that he's able to keep throwing up?
4577978 THE POWER OF LOVE!!!
4582356 Cant help but wonder what half-digested love looks like...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is directly after the Wedding right? THERE SHOULDNT BE ANY PURPLE ALICORNS TO DELIVER ANYTHING TO!
4972733 should be
He should look on the bright side: The treaty isn't for the Toad People. Those guy eat Changelings both raw AND whole!