Through the roof

by The Psychopath

The better ranch master

Before I could even do anything, that pink pony slammed her head against my side, but bounced off just as easily as she charged at me. Were they really this weak, or was it my imagination? I really can't tell. To simply stand up required a strength of mind just to avoid exploding in rage at this pink pony who hooked onto my head by who knows what means and started to hit it like a drum. I noticed that Philomena had buggered off somewhere, but, naturally, I didn't know where exactly.

"Can you stop hitting my head, please?"

"Okay!" said the pink pony as she jumped off.

"Wait...that's all it took?!"

"Well , you did say "please"."

Even though this wierd one looked at me with a big smile, apparently ignoring my size, I caught glimpse of the orange one trying to wrangle me with a lasso.

"Cowponies?" I thought to myself.

Luckily for me, my dad taught me how to catch a fast, incoming lasso in the air. It took...quite a long time to manage to do. Especially when he'd leave me outside while still tied up and would walk casually away like he had done something unimportant. Sometimes, I wondered if he actually thought he was a cowboy. So, as that lasso came a-flyin', I grabbed the edge of it as I jumped back. I wrapped it around my arm as I saw that orange pony look surprised, then I TUGGED HARD on it. Instead of flying towards like I would've expected, her hooves stayed firmly on the ground.

"A fighter, eh?"

"Ah ain't gon' let you get me." Her words were slightly muffled by the rope.

"Well howdy-do. Y'all 'ere in the wrong part'o town. Wese don't go 'n speak lak dat 'round dese parts here missy."

"Are ya makin' fun of mah accent?!" she said as she started to boil red.

"It is with a true honesty that I must confirm your initial suspicions."

"What?"

"*facepalm*. That means 'yes'."

She was quite the fighter. I was having trouble hanging onto this rope. Surprising as those "rookies" didn't seem to put up much of a fight despite being twenty. This one must've been a hard worker. However, I couldn't help but notice the pink one starting to fiddle with my tools.

"HEY!" I yelled as I let go of the rope. "You don't PLAY with these. They can be dangerous."

"So? I don't see how this flat thing can hurt. Maybe it's a back-scratcher?" Why did she scratch her back with it?

"Don't...*sigh* don't scratch your back with it. It's meant for smearing cement on flat areas. I suppose that you want a heavy gray back?"

"No! How would I do my parties if I can't move around?!"

"Then let go of -*Bucked!*"

I found myself lying face first on the ground again. Before I could move, that orange pony stepped on my back to "try" and prevent me from moving. Tcheah, like her little weight-load could stop me.

"Now ya better not move or else." I simply stared at her with a smile and an evil look on my face. "Ya better go get the guards Pinkie Pie. Ah'll hold him down here."

"Applejack, you do know that he's faking it, right?"

"What? Don't be silly. He can't get up, I'm sure of it, especially with that kick ah gave 'im."

"Yes, because, despite you being a work-pony, your kicks sure pierced my armor plating."

"What?!"

"To prove my point, I'm going to simply stand up and see how you like getting punted away."

I did as I said, and, despite her best efforts at hanging on to my shirt, I found the pony tumble down my back. As I pulled my foot back, the pink one went right in front of me and the cowpony.
"Hm?"

"You better not hurt my friend, or else!"

"She started it without any reason to. Now, can I get back to work?"

"Wait...you WORK here?!"

"Of course. Why else would I be here?"

"I dunno. Maybe you wanted to destroy the castle?"

"Haha! I may be strong, but I'm not THAT strong. I suppose you want to know what I am?"

"Sure! I'm a pony, by the way. My name's Pinkie Pie, and my friend's name there is Applejack."

"Sounds tomboyish."

"Not sure how ah'm s'posed ta react ta that."

"Maybe if y'all were more aquainted ta the folk ya would see, perhaps they wouldn't look lak a thrat no more?"

"Stop makin' fun of me."

"I'm not. I grew up on a farm, so I still have my 'countreh accent'."

"You grew up on a farm? That's funny, I was sure ya looked like the workin' type, but it didn't occur ta me that ya worked on a farm."

"Ya? I suppose it didn't come to mind that I am an appreciator of art and beauty as well?"

"What?"

"Such as you and your stetson hat. A pony in good shape and who has this...this "shine" to her that is imposible to decribe. Your mane and tail still glisten in the sun like polished gold despite your working, and your eyes show determination, courage, and truth. Your coats also glistens like...shall we say, a golden apple?"

"Ah didn't think you were the r-"

"MY TURN! MY TURN! What about me?!" yelled Pinkie Pie.

I had to pick her up so much she was bouncing about. She felt all fluffy and cuddly. I could just hug her...soon....

"Let's see...a cotton candy mane that is certainly as sweet as you are, and a fluffy coat that is soft to the touch. You have the positioning of a great pony who loves to bounce around and do many things at once. And your eyes shine like... candy? Intriguing. You seem to be quite the joyful one."

"Yup, that's me!"

"I suppose you like hugs?"

" I LOVE HUGS!"

She squeezed me hard while I gave her a soft one...then I remembered:

"Hmmm. Pinkie pie, do you know what a bear hug is?"

"Of course I do! Hug the other as hard as you can until one let's go. Are you...challenging me?"

"Are you too chicken to take me on."

*STARE OFF*

"I'll win this one!"

"We'll see about that!"

Applejack just stood there. She certainly thought that we were great idiots. This Pinkie Pie was surprisingly strong when it came to hugging. What? I like to have fun every now and then. Age does not equal personality.

It had already been fifteen minutes that we were squeezing eachother, and Applejack had left to do something.

"You...have great endurance."

"That's because...I'm the best...hugger in aaaalllll of Equestria."

"Well, I'm the best...on Earth..."

"What's Earth?"

"I can explain...that tomorrow...if you come..."

"Alright you two. Enough with the hugging. We gotta go Pinkie Pie."

"Awww. Bye...what's your name?"

"Mark Fénix." I said proudly.

"Mark Fénix...sounds geary to me... see you tomorrow!"

"Sounds geary? How the hell did she? Bah! Never mind. It must just be a coinciden-*schlink*"... That doesn't hurt anymore. Nice try Philomena."

The bird ruffled it's feathers smugly. It would seem that Peppermint had already come back with the bowl of apple salad on a tray that she was holding in her mouth. Ew.

"Here you g-go."

"Are you just a stutterer or is it just because I'm scaring you?"

"It's..."

"Because I'm scaring you. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. I like a friendly fight as much as the next guy, but I don't fight if it wasn't warranted. So just let eat my apples and I'll be workin' on the next task."

"O-o-ok." she said as she scurried off.

I was going to have quite the troubling week if I stayed here any longer than necessary, and I really needed those clothes. One thing actually slapped me in the head with surprise. Did I really transition from "about to punt the pony" to " This is a fine work of art" with these ponies? Are they really that lenient? Celestia sure didn't seem to be like that. Oh well. Back to work.

Comments

[AssortedCreme]

The only issue I'm having is that all these poetic rants start to get annoying after a while. We know he's an artist, you don't have to keep reminding us, it just interrupts the flow. And I want to see him hold Dash like a disobedient cat.
examiner.com/images/blog/EXID9534/images/Kim_Kardashian_and_the_cat.jpg

[Wankstain]

...soon...

Another great chapter. I bet RD will most probably try to ram into Mark and continuously punch him when/if she meets him.

[The Psychopath]

426193 So you all want Rainbow Dash in here? And as for the poetry, I get the message. I was planning on doing it only one last time with Fleur de Lis, but, oh well.

[kararnos]

awesome need more!

[nonameguy0010]

I personally LOVE the artistic rants. They are well written and, while we already know Mark is an artist, they help to define his character even more. I'm very surprised that you are able to keep putting out a chapter every day and still maintain the quality. I struggled to find any errors in this chapter.
Favorite part was the part with pinkie. I loved how Pinkie was able to completely destroy the 4th wall by making a gears reference. I also thought you did a great job describing her and made her seem really cuddly. I want a Pinkie Pie to hug
I can't wait to see how you introduce the other main characters; judging by the events that occurred in the past chapter, I am guessing that rarity will be the next he meets.
I give this chapter 15 out of 10 fourth wall breaking ponies.

[The Psychopath]

426466 I actually only planned on having Applejack and Pinkie Pie appear at irregular intervals, but I can add them all in case that spruces up the story a bit more. You just gave me the way they meet. I already have a way Rainbow Dash appears.

[nonameguy0010]

426488 Yay! More Pinkie Pie!! -huggles-

[The Psychopath]

426532 You know what, I hate wasting my ideas. I'm going to put in the others of the mane 6.

[nonameguy0010]

426566 What do you mean? What are you going to put in the others of the mane 6? Could you rephrase that sentence please?

[The Psychopath]

426679 I meant that I was going to put the other ponies of the mane 6 besides Applejack and Pinkie Pie.

[nonameguy0010]

426711 Oh.. well yah. I'm just saying that I loved the interaction with Pinkie. I would love to play some Horde mode with her in Gears 3. :3