Not That Flash Sentry Guy!

by MCGirlGamer

Chapter 3: Hanging Out Together

I brushed my mane and went outside of my room to get ready for our date. Okay fine our hang out. Still, i think its a date. I flew as fast as i could to Twilight's room in the castle. I knocked on the door 3 times very excitingly. The door opened and Twilight appeared.

"Hey Twi so are ya ready?"

"Yes, Rainbow. I am ready" She said calmly. "So where are we going?"

"We are going out for a quick fly together and then we will do the other stuff i planned for today."

"May i see the plans?"

I hesitated as she asked because the list had many romantic stuff written on it.

"I'll actually tell you when its time to do these activities"

"Okay. So lets start flying"

We both took off smoothly and began looking at the sun rise. It was early in the morning and the rest are still asleep in their rooms, except for Discord. He's like awake 24/7! Anyways, I flipped 3 times and hit a cloud for the finale of my trick for fun as twilight watched.

"Could you teach me?"

"Wha--What?"

"Could you teach me how you did that?"

"Oh!.... Well.... You just fly up as if you were jumping. Then, stop your wings from flapping and curve into a ball until you see the sky rightside up again. That is when you start flapping again and hit the nearest cloud." I demenstrated as i explained to her. She took notes and carefully watched.

"I think i got it now" She had a warm smile as i start to blush.

STOP BLUSHING RAINBOW! IT'LL BE OBVIOUS!

She tried the trick as fast as she could. She did it amazingly, as if i learned to fly just after she did! She was a natural which made me feel like i was falling in love with her all over again.

"Like this?"

"How...How did you--" She cut me off.

"I had the best teacher"

My blush grew redder and redder.

I told her to stop and we both sat on a huge cloud way above the ground. We were too high but the view was amazing! The sun started to set. Have we been flying that long? Twilight looked at my puzzled face with confusion.

"It's Luna"

"What?"

"Luna said that she wanted the night to be longer for one day and Celestia agreed.I Think that today is the day."

"Ohhhh that makes more sense. Look its setting!"

It was beautiful! Twilight's eyes widened in amazment. I saw that she was shivering. Does she even know how to use her fur for warmth now that she has wings? Wait! Now is the time to make a move! I wrapped my wing around her and we both looked into each others eyes. Our lips kept getting closer and closer together until twilight pulled away just a breath away from the kiss.

BUCK! WAS IT SOMETHING I DID? IS MY BREATH SMELLY?

"OH NO THE TIME! I WAS SUPPOSE TO MEET FLASH FOR OUR DATE!"

"D-date?" My voice began to start cracking.

"Yeah! Do you know that he has a crush on me! I like him too but---" I cut her off

"WILL YOU STOP TALKING BOUT HIM!"

"What? I don't understand. Whats going on Rainbow?"

I Began to Tear Up. "Don't you get it? I L-l...love you!" Now i started to burst into tears

Twilight began to start shaking her hands and moving her head. "no no no no no no! I dont like flash in that way! That's what i was going to say! I Love you too Rainbow." She began to smile warmly again.

"Bu--But you said Date and that you were getting late" I wiped my tears and leaned my head on her lap.

"We had a date with the princesses. I just call it a date to tease you" Twilight said and started to chuckle

I got up from her lap and kept my head down looking at the clouds blushing. Twilight grabbed under my chin and made me face her. We look straight into each others eyes and she locked our lips together. In a whirl we were seeing fireworks as i pressed into the kiss. We help for as long as our breath could take. Finally i pulled away to breathe.

"That... Was... AWESOME!"

"I'm glad you liked it"

"Twi?"

"Yes Rainbow?"

"Will you be my mare friend"

"I would be more than happy to be."

Note: Flash Sentry saw the whole thing! OOOO ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN!!!!!!

Author's Note:

THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY!!!!! THERE IS STILL MORE!!!!!!!

Comments

[pinkis cupcake]

awww shit just gor real! This is my favorite fan fic. ! SQUEE!!! i cannot wait!

[Kodeake]

Alright, finally got around the reading this. I'll admit to putting it off a bit longer than usual after seeing all those dislikes though.... After reading, while I can't say you deserved likes, I can honestly say that you don't deserve quite that many dislikes.

There is an abundance of problems with this fic, from the coloring of speech (which is even more annoying when you don't do it consistently) the borderline-OOC, the overall grammar, spelling, punctuation and pacing. Honestly about the only thing you have going for you here is a semi-interesting plot - which is rushed through way too quickly - that appeals double to me because I love seeing ships that aren't Twidash burn to the ground in a flaming pile of ashes.

What I can say in the actual positive is that I do see improvement over your previous story, where the grammar was to a point I was seriously questioning the mod's choice to pass it. This is better, but only barely. The characters are still bland, not to mention you haven't even taken the time to characterize Flash at all. He may be in EQG, but that doesn't mean everyone here knows who he is, and since he doesn't have a real personality in the cannon universe you need to give him one. So far all we've seen of him is asking Twi out and fighting with Dash, and that fight scene has so many problems I'm not even going to try touching that.

My recommendation; this feels more like a rough draft of a rough plan than an actual story. You have some key elements, but that's about it. not to mention it doesn't look like you put any real effort into editing this at all. So, you need to spend a bit more time fleshing out your writing, working on the mechanical side of writing, then make sure your plot is totally coherent, because this one jumps all over the place randomly. You need keep your characters true to who they are in the show, or you'll never get anywhere writing them, and you need to spend the time to edit the ever living crap out of everything you write.

That is all.

[Toaster Shift]

look, man, this is a good story and all, but I think it was too fast. What I'm saying, I practically didn't understand anything about its history, first, Twilight and Flash would Kiss, and she said she liked him too, and now she's contradicting yourself... She said she didn't like him that way ... I only put on a favorite, because I'm willing to take another look at this. This story is good, really.Avoid being too fast, give more feelings to the reader, you know, take that little taste of wanting to read more and more.

[MidnightInkpaw]

"Alright i think you got it! Now lets spy on Flash and Twilight! Whooo!"

Dash is... happy to spy on ponies?

"We should have a whole day just to ourselves"
"You mean you and me hanging out all day?"
"Yeah! i-i m-mean if you want to. that is"
"I'd love to" Twilight took off.
"Best.Day.EVER!"

Umm, is Twilight being sarcastic or did she really mean it?

Note: Flash Sentry saw the whole thing! OOOO ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN!!!!!!

This is what got me hyped. The last time they met... it didn't end well.

[TylerDashArt]

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Please complete this! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa