Your favorite jackass is back from the dead. be aware.
now. gilda is back in ponyville, and she's stilll mad at Rainbow Dash. so she spred an awefull rumour that makes Dash look stupid in front of the whole village.
special thanks to Blarp7193 (he's not on fimfic yet)
special thanks to Com_! she's the new editor, and she made the awesome avatar
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So awesome!!!!!!
Thumbs down because of improper spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
Seriously, dude, get yourself an editor.
Or three.
4531128 and besides the grammer and stuff. what do you think of it then?
p.s. I have an editor. Blarp7193.
Blarp7193 : Im not a real editor. I'm just a lazy person who doesn't like mlp that much
4531128
You, sir, can go fuck yourself with a cactus.
I for one love this story.
4531197
4536677
Not sure why you're so taken back by my comment.
But as a former English teacher, I will put the same criteria here as I did in my classroom:
I won't bother with any work that has contempt and disregard for the standard rules of composition.
4537728
And I won't stand for any comments that do nothing but rudely criticize someone's hard work. Can't you just have at least a little respect for this story?
4537728
4540155
please.
let me give my oppinion.
my grammer suckes, because i'm flemish (belgium
) so english isn't my native language.
(it's my thirth language) And my teacher is old and lookes like chuck norris.
but I indeed worked hard about this story. And I'm still working at it.
Com_: I appreciate what you said about the cactus. (because said the same thing once
)
i_am_the_jam : I also understand you. but please, don't take all this as a big insult. but still. what is your oppinion about my story if you would ignore the grammer errors?
4540616
"And my teacher is old and lookes like chuck norris." LMFAOMEPAL
I'm sorry, but this story hosts a whole plethora of grammatical, spelling, punctuation and formatting errors. Just that would make this story unworthy of reading. I'd recommend to get yourself an editor who knows a thing or two about writing, because this here is border-line-failure.
Not to seem rude or anything, but it's the honest truth.
4514370 What about this story do you like?
4565284
Did you actually read the Author's Note?
4565825
It doesn't matter what it said, I'm just doing my work here. Consider this a reminder to get better at English if you will.
4565879
You can't just tell someone to "get better at English".
So your job is to look through every fan fiction, ignore the interesting story line and just rudely criticize the grammar? Well done. *slow claps* Congratulations on getting yourself that job. Real interesting. i.imgur.com/YGRTnL4.gif
4565970
Well, aren't you the suck-up for bad stories. And will you please stop writing in bold and blue—it's very unnecessary.
4566008
1. They aren't bad stories.
2. I'm not the "suck-up", I am standing up for them.
You can't tell me to stop writing in bold and blue. And you know what else is unnecessary? Your nasty remarks.
i.imgur.com/j5xJ9Bc.png
U MAD BRO?!
4566050
I'm just saying this story needs better editors.
4566078
Congratulations, that came true 0.3 hours ago.
4566109
Well, the editors aren't very good then.
4566146
The old editor was too lazy and he wasn't editing the chapters. I am the new editor and am currently editing all chapters.
4566250
it's true!
4566008
YAY
4566146 Don't mess whit the blue color. I love it!
4566250
hay, I'm Blarp7193. I'm on derec's acount again.
finaly someone that knows i'm too lazy for this shit and doesn't keep bothering me to do this stuff
Blarp out
Pal, I have nothing truly good to say, so I'll keep it short. Keep trying, and keep your head up, and eventually you'll be good, I guess. I'll like and favorite this in support, however.
4540616 Oh, I just commented on first chapter, trying to be nice and just said it isn't good. It's gotten better, but I understand you don't have good English now.
I enjoyed it. Sure, the errors are everywhere, but understandable judging you aren't a native English speaker, and honestly, you're doing a lot better than some do. What are they teaching in schools these days?
I like the idea, you're doing well, and hopefully the new editor will do better than the last.
One question however, if RD was a Lesbian, wouldn't that make her tougher? I mean, a gay guy is seen as unmanly because he wants what a straight woman wants. A lesbian wants what a straight man wants.
And you know the stereotype of lesbians being tough, which a lot of people believe, so, just saying.
4609467 yaeh, you've got a good point, but, you know...the other ponyvilians are dickheads, and they never met a lesbian before, so she's like 'an outsider'. that's why they teas RD
I wanted to give this story a chance. I really did. The problem, though, was that the first chapter alone was so riddled with issues that I can't honestly find any enjoyment in it.
The first issue takes place so early on in the chapter, it's amazing how it was missed.
This is a grammatical error, and it's so basic I'm surprised it slipped by your editor. "While Angel and Winona were playing a game together" is not a proper sentence. The "while" at the start makes it a part of the sentence before it and prevents the fragment from being able to stand on its own. The sentences should read something like this:
That's not mentioning the storytelling fact that Applejack and Fluttershy all but disappear from the scene after the first sentence of the story. Seriously, it's as if you thought that since they weren't relevant to the moment, they were worth nothing more than a passing mention.
...that's great. What were AJ and Flutters doing? Were they playing along with their pets? Were they sitting off to the side and watching? Were they talking with each other about something? Or did something come up with them and they asked Dash to watch their pets while they took care of it? It's important that, if you start to build a scene, you finish building and not leave pieces of the structure sitting off to the side.
There are other issues throughout the chapter, but this one stuck out to me the most because it absolutely ruined any semblance of immersion I could've had before I had a chance to get it. Honestly, I would consider either getting an editor to double-check your proofreader, or possibly firing your current proofreader and finding a new one.
4682569 you know why I let AJ and fluttershy disapear? I didn't won't the mature tag.
just kidding. I'm working at it. and other stuff too. I have so much to do that I wrote these chapters after midnight. and I do have a new editor, but he's new her. so give him some time. and he has other stuff to do too. it will become better. just wait, let the magic happen and this will be the best story EVER KNOWN. IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND! It will... ah. who am I fooling. this is my fourth story. and all my stories are hated. some guys and girls are nice... but...
I'm trailing off...
there is one more story I've got. I'm working at it. it needs all my time. when I'm ready, I'll send you it. if that one get's even more hate, I'll quit.
I was already down, and now I'm deprest...
schizofrenie...
I DON'T CARE!
(about the hate, i meen. I'll work at that thing when I've got time)
I'm not a fan of lesbian/gay shippings, but I'm interested to see how this plays out.
4701785 Okay. Thanks for your intrest.
4702198 Welcome!
So you said at the start that your grammar was pretty bad. I saw all of the dislikes on your story and I thought, "there's no way all those dislikes were just for bad grammar. This story must just be bad." However, your story is very interesting and I like the story. I have no idea why you have so many dislikes. Have a like from me.
4953868 well thank you. I don't get it either. Guess that the like ratio is the same as the ratio of people who actually gets the point and read the tags.
I know may lesbians. Hell my mom is a lesbian. This stoy displeases me so goddamn much, I upvoted it on accident. RD should never be ashamed if she IS a lesbian. So what? Who the fuck gives a damn? Bigots. Has who. I think that RD should totally just either explain that it was a lie (with pride) or admit that sheis a lesbian(with pride)
I am very mad at this story, because thats how things work in my fucked-up brain. I get mad at stories, not athors.
Keep up the work, I saw plenty of errors, but my judgement may be kinda cloudy.
I am very dissapointed Derec. You dissapointed aTimelord. *clap clap* Job good.
Why does the shy fluttering one need cucumbers and carrots, not to mention ROSES? Wait*puts hands to forehead* I sense...Fluttershy coming on to somepony in a chapter that I have yet o read.
5519375 .... read it again. Unfinished. The story hasn't ended yet!
5519392 wait for it
Well...Rarity does know gossip...
I am still Fucking displeased with this story...
)King errors,
Why in the fucking frozen lands of hel where I shalt one day go as I have kinda crazy religious beliefs am I reading this?
Damned nordic beliefs dont mix well with the rest of my 'religion'
I have no clue why you would wat to write this.
Still some major F(
Kinda hating myself for wanting to see where this goes.
5519416 this is one of my first stories. I can tell you how it ends....
Ugh. Derec, why did you choose this storyline? I mean, theres always the RD is sexcrelty a man or something.
Errors. Errors Eveeeeeeeeeeerywhere!
am damning my self to the vast nordic plains of frozen agony known as hel.
I am dissapointed with myself for reading this.
I must say, even if I hate the storyline, I likewre the story is going.
4682613 well now I feel bad for getting offended because my mom is alesbian. Hell, sometimes I think that M a lesbian. I am probably bi, but thats unimportant.
I a so so sorry for being offended by this offending fic.
I shouldnt have.
I am so fricking sorry.
Damn me to the frozen lands of Hel now.
Damn nordish ness beliefs.
Itsnot the entirety of my religion.
I have a very mixed one...
I am rambling.
Sorry.
*walks away*
Everyone knows that the best way to kill someone is with a lightsaber! It cauterises the wund, so they dont die of blood loss and its an easier clean up.
Not like I know tha from experience of course. (<.<) (>.>)
Heh...
5519477 this story is a random comedy. But with a lesson on the end. Wait until I finished this
5519696 would that lesson be to never offend possibly lesbian timelords because they might slowly kill you wth alightsaber? That should be the lesson.
5519709 .... something like that
5522849 So, what you should do is, have RD go to the doctos office, because its a small town and she isnt quite sure of how being lebian or straight or bi works, take an x ray, discover her two heats. Then, she finds a lightsaber smewhere, and decides to go kill Lily. Slowly. And the have Pinks go " And thats why you never piss off possibly lesbian timelords who own lightsaers, becae then sad timelord will slowly kill you with a lighsaber!" Or I will take that, turn it into my own story, and never read this story again. Lel.
5522849 So, what you should do is, have RD go to the doctos office, because its a small town and she isnt quite sure of how being lebian or straight or bi works, take an x ray, discover her two heats. Then, she finds a lightsaber smewhere, and decides to go kill Lily. Slowly. And the have Pinks go " And thats why you never piss off possibly lesbian timelords who own lightsaers, becae then sad timelord will slowly kill you with a lighsaber!" Or I will take that, turn it into my own story, and never read this story again. Lel.
5523580
that'd be awesome. I'll make an alteritive ending from that
5527171 Yay!
5527588 you're happy now?