• Member Since 29th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen May 7th, 2022

Evil_Spike


E

Mellow and Sandy have moved to Ponyville from Canterlot! Join them as they go through the process of adjusting from Canterlot life to Ponyville life. Who know's, one of them might find something, or somepony, special there!

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 4 )

I couldn't help but notice that you have repeated this sentence: "There was even a small band playing there, doing the sort of music that Mellow really likes, the really boring stuff by old dead guys." in Sandy's section. Interesting start though, am looking forward to more.

Personally, I think you could get away with probably doing both on a chapter by chapter basis, depending on what's happening in said chapter. This sentence is supposed to have the word 'have' in it. "Oh well, you can’t everything I suppose." There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing too glaring.
Also, I'm gonna take a guess and say that you like Lyra, Twilight, and Pinkie (really who doesn't?), but aren't a big fan of Bon-Bon and/or Spike.

Yes I also noticed the repeat sentence, aside from that it sounds somewhat interesting. Not bad to start off with.

Not bad, I'm actually very interested. You could do the story either way, both in one chapter or alternating. You could even go for a little while then branch it into too different yet parallel stories. It's all up to you.

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