Cassius_Tain
Joined 28th Mar, 2013 ·
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How dark is this? Is is JUST plain rape, or semi-consensual? I can take a little Grim-Dark, but not extreme amounts like the Rainbow Factory. *shudders* And she was Best Pony, too...
interesting
could use an editor
and a couple of commas are needed
not bad though, this certainly has potential.
Drop the red lining it makes the story hard to read, as well as the constant perspective changees.
just saying. otherwise you have a somewhat interesting Idea.
4427312
It contains corruption and in later chapters there will be some mild gory themes, but nothing should be tooo wexplicit or too gory.
4427498
what would an editor do? and where can I find someone who would be the editor for this story?
4428676
Oh, I hoped that this would have been funny. but ok, I will stay with one perspective for the rest of the story if that is so
4429722
an editor (also known as proof readers)
will read your story to find any spelling,grammatical, or story based flaws that you might have missed; and can offer helpful advice in how to improve your story.
Theres a group on this website that can help you find them. Just look up editor in the group area. It should be on the front page.
4429798
Thanks. It didn't occur to me that I would need that. I let that thing go through a spelling program. Are there still so many errors left?
4429722 I see what you mean by it could've been funny, however the problem with that lies in two factor's, One; this isn't the type of story, and two; You're not very good at splitting perspectives into a readable format yet. Try doing it when you're ready, not when you feel like it. also read it to your self after you write it and try to figure out whether you would read it yourself if some one else wrote it.
just a quick little tidbit.One last thing Have fun.
4430113
haha, no problem. I had my fun trying to write something so different and coming up with a story for every one of the mane 6 (yes, there is more of this crap in my head) really was fun. It is my first time writing about something sexual and it was in a (for me quite disturbing way) fun to read some stories as inspiration.
also I won my bet ^^
4430350 What wast the bet?
Is his first name 'Conchita'?
4431421
A friend of mine said that I would not dare write and upload a clopfic.
4431621
Prince Wurst, Omnipotent Creator of everything was named before the eurovision song contest. He does not like to be associated to any Human being living or dead.
No, serious. I named him worst OC ever, wich then develloped to Wurst O.C. ever.
Not to bad but you may want to get someone to edit this
4447779
Yeah, I got that.
[the element of loyalty broke in two]
I don't think that the elements would brake just because its bearer got disconnected from it. Rainbow Dash and the others have been corrupted by evil magic before in the show (having being corrupted by Discord and all) and the elements never broke. Maybe a rewriting so that the elements turn gray or black so it would be more true to the source material in the long run. Just a thought.
Other than that, I like how you ended on a cliff hanger. Now I want to see what happens next. Good job, keep you the good work.