Albertus

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Comments ( 5 )

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Tailgate

Tailgate #1 · Aug 1st, 2014 · · · Crystal Dawn ·

Like the read, anyways, three things I noticed that stuck out was this:

Tell our neighbor i'm doing fine,

i'm should be I'm.

This:

"Yes, sir. It is." Shield replied, looking out at the one hundred eighty degree view.

The period after "It is" should be a comma, read why here.

Lastly, you used said and asked in most, if not all, lines of dialogue, read up here on what you should do instead.

Regardless, great job. I look forward to reading future chapters.

Thunderblast

Thunderblast #2 · Aug 1st, 2014 · · · Crystal Dawn ·

4782217

Dear Saakra,

Thank you for favoring this story, I really appreciate it.

And again, thank you for pointing out the minor errors. I went in and fixed them as soon as I read your comment. As for the extensive use of "Said" and "Replied" ect. I knew that before this story was published. The only reason I don't use other words most of the time, is because I have a problem where a lot of my vocabulary was lost, where I have to go to other stories and read up some words I haven't used before, to remember and polish up my stories.

Once again, thank you for favoring and pointing out the errors. I'm glad you enjoy this story so far. I will definitely make my future chapters (and stories) better.

Tailgate

Tailgate #3 · Aug 1st, 2014 · · · Crystal Dawn ·

4782277 It's not that you are using other words. It's that you are using them at all. Instead of using said tags, use action tags. You can read about action tags right here (click me).

I would explain them here, but there is no use since it explains them fine with examples in the link.

militarybrony43