Beginning | Eye of the Storm | Starfall (CANCELED)
They say change is for the better. In most cases, it can be. In the years since the end of Luna's thousand-year banishment, great reform has come to Equestria's armed forces. Her once-powerful, former Lunar Republic now serves in tandem with the military, ruled over by the two sisters equally, with some of the finest stallions and mares having devoted their lives under the four branches to protect the country at any and all cost.
One pegasus, in desperate need of a life change, puts himself in line for the challenge of a lifetime in anticipation of bettering who he is—to earn himself the noble title of a Lunar Marine.
NOTE: This story is currently undergoing chapter revisions/rewrites, so do excuse inconsistencies while I rework it.
The first book in the Millennia Saga. This story series is set in an adapted universe where there is no Solar Empire vs. New Lunar Republic conflict and is part of the Pegiverse.
Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. All OCs used belong to their respective owners.
For your first attempt at first-person writing, this is pretty great. Keep up the good work, and as always, I look forward to more.
Mirrenia Beginning
DATS FOKIN' GOOD CHIT.
5778422 I'm taking a short break to catch up on reading. My other stories are on hiatus as well.
Interesting story so far. Good job on the drill sergeant's personality, and I love the Full Metal Jacket reference.
Cool story.
Seems like Star bit off more than he can chew...but I have a feeling this will make for a great story. Good job so far.
Ha. Your stories icon is a patch design I make :)
6098027 Really?
I'm starting to become hesitant about this story. Each new chapter seems to gain a new dislike and I don't even know why.
6176116 Why? It's a great story! One of the best stories I've read.
I'd appreciate if people would leave comments as to why they are disliking the story rather than just disliking it without reading.
Damn, I wonder what the Eclipse hit. Great chapter.
Taking a look at the first chapter, I do have a few suggestions I can give you. :) For the first pass at first person, this is - as Skyfire said - pretty solid. One thing that did catch my eye was your emphasis on 'I' itself. Obviously, since it's a first person story, that's going to happen, but I do think in some spots you kind of got into the rut of 'I did this' then 'I did that'. You have some nice long form prose going on here, so I think it's fair to say you can use that space to dive into the descriptive wealth that comes with the character's feelings.
The next thing I spotted was what I call a balance cliff. You were running the long prose and then entered a section of one line dialogue. I would exactly say that's a pet-peeve for me, but it's pretty close. Personally, I like maintaining an even pacing/spacing/etc unless I happen to be sitting in the middle of a battle sequence that I want to feel intense and rushed. In this case, the swap just sort of... happened. Re-balancing that section might improve flow. It's at least something to consider. Either way, hope that helps, and keep at it!
6715950
Thank you very much. I appreciate it. I'll certainly try and improve future chapters when I get around to making them.
Although, in other stories, I've seen longer bits followed by shorter lines of dialogue. I guess that's how I've gone for a while.
Yes, nuff said.
6904014 What's that mean?
It means that this is AWESOME! !!
6904435
Glad you enjoy it.
I absolutely ADORE this Fic, especially since I plan on joining the Marines Soon.
6981899 Heheh, thank you very much. I'm glad you like it.
And also, good luck with the Marines. Semper Fi.
6982421 Thanks
Nice work on this story, dude. I absolutely love it so far, and I can't wait for chapter 33 :3
7040205 Marines deploy into battle, whilst sailors are usually stationed on ships or subs when they are deployed. The U.S. Marines are a branch of the Navy, so technically they are the same, but they have their huge differences. Navy is just about the only branch that doesn't see combat (not including Navy SEALs).
Chapter 37 will take some time, even from where it is at now (5,400+ words). Maybe a few more days and I should have it published!
7089023 Like me. Well, an older version of me. xD
Millennia now has a spinoff! You can check it out here.
Yo dorg........................... this fic too long, man. How i'ma s'posed to read a too long fic?
7530735 You coulda told me this on Facebook without commenting ya silly.
I'm intrigued to read about the life of marines in this. Added to read later.
7574337 Thank you! I hope you enjoy it.
Like #34
You are a PEGASUS, DAMNIT!!!!!
Moron.........
Is he gonna see his family later?
Ah sheit. Gotta baaaaaaad feeling.........
Ok! Hes a-ok! Wow, I would've expected at least a small bar fight!!
Again, I ask, will he see his parents again?
Go stay with your marefriend about a week bro. Youll feel better!!
7798256 Who?
Star doesn't have a marefriend.
Ah, ze plot bunnies. *Clicking of hunting rifle* Welp, off to hunt 'em!!
Ah, secret agents now? Oh, you sneaky lil bugger u!!
Wonder what happens with
Rosesecret agent marefriend?6981899 I'm juggling between being a pilot or a field medic if I join when I come of age. Not to sure......
How can they use guns without hands?
8269090
Magic I guess. There's no logical way to put it without making up guns altogether to fit with the world.