- Member Since 24th Mar, 2014
- offline last seen 11 hours ago
Vivid Syntax
Convention Runner, Statistician, and lover of all things Soarburn
Vivid Syntax
Joined 24th Mar, 2014 ·
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Sequels1
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Vivid Syntax · 160k words · 77 20 · 2.7k views
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Okay, just read the prologue, and it's pretty good so far. I definitely like where this is going, and you've piqued my interest as to Soarin's legs. Color me intrigued...
Really liking this so far, you get a greenthumb and a follow!
... here I`m left completely immersed in your story and finding it difficult to find the right words to describe the experience.
Telling it trough means of an interview, both with answers getting avoided, interactions between Soarin and Syn and the story told from Soarin's perspective and recollections creates a rather personal athmosphere that captures the reader's attention and makes it easy to relate to ungoing events.
I love how much depth there seems to be to your characters, and rather than explaining that through exposition, it becomes clear in the thoughts and behaviours described in Soarin`s retelling of events, even in how behaviors are interpretted by him at times. It makes the characters seem deeper and more believable. I wonder what happened to Braeburn back in Appleoosa and look forward to potentiall finding out.
In the end all I can really say is that I cannot wait for the following chapters.
4384068
This completely made my day.
Thanks for reading! If you've got any additional feedback or things I can improve, I'd love to hear it. Stay tuned for more chapters!
4384068 I concur.
Honestly, I wish that I could give a review of this wonderful work in greater detail, but Wireframe's comment says it all! I truly cannot wait for the following chapters. You, sir, are the sole reason that I have created this account. Oh, please, keep up the good work~!
I'm sensing a full blown confrontation between Soarin and Spitfire.
4457956
Welcome to the site! That's a massive compliment, and don't you worry. There's plenty more story to tell.
4458356
Guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out.
With each and every installment I grow more and more attached to this story. I am very eager for the next chapter~ As always, keep up the good work~
Huh, I've had the impression that it's sort of been the other way around. I think that Soarin may have held the belief that it was Spitfire who never really considered him a friend. A few chinks in her tough-mare armor wouldn't have stopped any doubts for popping up. Plus he knows that she wouldn't hesitate to put the team before himself - expected and anticipated, but still doesn't ease the tension. Well, at least she admits she's bad at giving that kind of talk - seemed to cause the exact opposite effect.
There are ponies that care about him?
Granted, most has been from Soarin's perspective, but I can't really recall any ponies genuinely concerned or caring for him. As far as he sees it, it's all about competitiveness from them. Somewhere along the line, it seems that something may have happened to cause him to believe that they don't particularly care for him.
Like the fact that he went bonkers and tore the place apart. Made me remember this
Was a bit iffy about the whole dad thing as it seems he's immediately going to bounce right back up. I'd hoped that he would remain in a bad state of mind for a while longer, really let the events sink in. It can still happen - he might be determined, but he can still have moments of doubt, depression, anger, etc.
All in all, good chapter; can't wait to read more.
This was great
4614758
Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you're liking it! There's plenty more where that came from, and if you have any specific feedback (good or bad), I'd love to read it!
Ahhh, why do you do this? ;-; This is all so sad, and it's made even worse by the fact that we know where he'll end up. (Seemingly alone in his home, without Brae, and somehow with his legs all messed up and in braces). It makes me not want to read the upcoming chapters, but I know I will anyway!
On topic though; another great chapter. You still manage to capture Soarin's emotions wonderfully, and your writing also flows nicely, it's like one smooth rollercoaster down feel-lane. Keep it up!
4640127 Gotta love frame stories. I'm glad it hasn't completely turned you off of reading the rest.
Thanks for reading and for the feedback. There are plenty more ups and downs on this roller coaster ride (especially in the next chapter), so stay tuned!
Aah, finally an update! In my opinion, I'd enjoy a warning about how graphic the sexual scenes are at the beginning at the chapter, or perhaps an option to skip the naughty bits entirely. A few grammatical errors here and there, but all in all I'm still loving it. I'm really enjoying watching Soarin's character development. The pain they feel brings me great pleasure. I can't wait to see how him and Brae get along after all of this~
4702238 Thanks, Citrus! I've added a mature content warning to my author note at the top of the page. In general, how do you feel about the sexual scenes?
Some of the weird grammar is intentional, since the story is being told by Soarin' in a more conversational tone. If you see any really egregious errors, though, feel free to point them out. The words all tend to blend together after staring at them for hours.
Thanks for the feedback, and I'm glad you're enjoying it. There's plenty more to come!
4705785 To be honest, as a gay guy the strait sex scene weird-ed me out a little bit, but I'm glad that it wasn't too detailed. But the scene itself did fit quite well, as it allowed Soarin' to get someone to talk to and all. All in all I'd say you're still doing a fantastic job. I can't wait to see what's next~
Brilliant new chapter.
Lucky he got away with so little from Big Mac. That could've ended badly
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/650/712/07b.gif BULLSHIT!!! you know why I call that because there isn't moar updates!! I haven't read a good M/M stories in a long time. I keep on reading about M/F which is fine and alot of stories are very quiet amazing. But to read M/M at this kind of length/words is very rare mate. Do hope this story continues to be long, usually this kinds of stories just end too short...very sad.
cheers mate
4787149
Oh, totally. This chapter could have gone a very, very different direction. (Note to self: don't mess with Big Mac's family.)
4787588
Glad you're liking it, because there's a LOT more to come. :soarinsmirk:
Thank you for the kind swear words.
Trust me, if I could spend all my time on this story without screwing up my near-future plans, I would. A 4,000-word chapter takes me about 12-15 hours to go from initial drafting to posting, and then there's additional tweaking once my editors have taken a look. On the plus side, I've got the next chapter written out, and I'm hoping to post it in the middle of next week.
Enjoying a lot this tale so far. You established well Soarin character as someone that looks for one-night stands not for the sake of it, but due to a inner need. Also it's very interesting to see Soarin picture himself as a super-hero and then the adventures he himself narrates show the oposite.
The interaction with fans is also done very well, very believeable.
And a personal peeve of mine: often fanfictions are wrote with "north-americans dressed as ponies", with the characters using and refering to modern day technology. You avoided that and put things that made sense in the pony world, like pegasi using small rainclouds as showers (I will let the long island slide ;) )
Keep up the good work
4793436 Glad you like it! And thanks for the pass on the Long Islands.
I couldn't come up with any good pony puns for drinks, and Long Islands are just really tasty. 
4793436
I was actually a bit thrown off by the mentioning of safety videos because of the lack of technology in this story.
I hope soarin' gets him. I have been kind of up and down while i'm reading this story. I like it a lot, and can't wait for more.
4810603
That's a good point. I've changed it to be more consistent with the rest of the story. Thanks for the heads up!
This is ending is rather foreboding, quite the contrast from last chapter that started full of hope and purpose, then turned out quite different from expected, but ended on rather sweet note. Something tells me worse may be waiting in Appleoosa than just a potential rejection.
.
One of the more intriguing aspects of your story is how much of a stuggle Soarin is going through. As cute or sweet as a general romance story might be of a fairly quickly formed relationship, or both characters having been secretely into each other for a while, these challenges for Soarin to overcome, both with the setback in the wonderbolts and his initial encounter with Brae add a layer of realism or relateability not generally found in a story. Reading of Soarin explaining his initial mistakes, to his realization of what he really needs or wants, to acting upon it, is both quite the roller coaster in ups and downs, but makes his struggles, genuine? for lack of better words.
Of course I'm secretely cheering for Soarin to apologize to Brae and set things right, and of course get his chance to explain his feelings to the Apple stallion, but I'm not yet decided on where I think the story will really head towards. The story is being told by Soarin after all, in a setting where I don't quite know if Brae is a part of his life, or whether this retelling takes place after these events, or if the story continues afterwards. I guess being rather invested in a character and story as I am in Sensation says enough about the quality and style of writing.,
I'll be eagerly awaiting next chapters, when you actually have the time to write them ^^
Keep it up
4820548 Will do!
4820409
More than anything else for this story, I want Soarin' to feel real and be a character that you can relate to and understand because, hey, we've all been there in one way or another. I'm glad you're so invested, and I'm doing my best to make it worthwhile for you to read. :SoarinSmile:
Thanks again for all the feedback!
I now think I know what will happen after this. Judging by how Soarin seems to feel about talking about Bronze, my thought is that Bronze is Braeburn's old boyfriend, and after dealing with Soarin, Braeburn went back to Bronze, then when Soarin found Braeburn, he told Soarin that he was with someone else. I have never been into a story on Fimfiction as your story, and this thought about the future in it saddens me.
4919028
That's such high praise! Thank you! I won't spoil anything, but I'm so happy you feel invested. I promise I'll do my best to make 'Sensation' worth your time.
Eh, not really. I doubt he would have been in any state of mind to face off the entire room of Wonderbolts. After his breakdown, I count all this as baby steps for Soarin. Good chapter as always.
4961997 good chapter indeed, calls for a cookie when luna is done stealing them from the cookie jar xD
To be honest with you this chapter was a little boring I understand you wanna build up tension when Soarin finally talks to Braeburn but well that be the next chapter or two more chapter
. Then again building up tension so readers can read more of your story
4964979
In some ways, I agree with you. This is more of a housekeeping chapter, one that takes care of few loose details and seeds some things for later on. Plus, I think it's better for the chapters to vary in emotional intensity, but I could be wrong. Great feedback.
The next few chapters should be more to your liking (and mine, too). I've been wanting to write them for months.
well that was rude braeburn :(
After all that build-up and tension Soarin has been going through, that ending was quite anticlimactic, somewhat funny because of it, and unlike any of Soarin's expected situations as well.
Once again you've done a great job in keeping the reader engaged in your story. Switching between retelling of old memories to first person retelling of the story itself to quick little remarks in the present keep the story fresh and engaging. I love how descriptive you are in the emotions Soarin experiences over the course of the story, as well as how he deals with it. It seems genuine almost, believable in a familiar sort of way. The contrast between his troubles over the reunion with Braeburn and expectations of it going poorly with the endearing emotional memory was a very welcome one as well, breaking up the worries and shedding a potentially positive light on the continued journey.
I greatly appreciate you taking your time with the story. It gives you a chance to explore and develop Soarin's character. Both his experience of the train rides, good and bad, and the retelling of his past are good examples of this. Last chapter as well showed great promise on this part, in particular showing how Soarin has grown through the experience in relation to his dealings with the Wonderbolts earlier in the story. His frustration with Firestreak, but decision to try and help him out and cheer him up, showed a lot of character strength and a means of learning to cope with the situation.
I did notice a couple of spelling issues here and there, but nothing major. Anyway, I'm still ever so excited for following chapters ^^ Keep up the good work.
Hehehe. Good ending.
Aw hell! Slam!
5016100
I'm trying to be very conscious of the pacing and tone, too, and I was worried I'd missed big-time with the academy chapter. Still not totally convinced I accomplished what I wanted, but I can certainly tweak it later.
Good to know the structure is still working.
I'm going to give this chapter another proofreading tonight, but when you see spelling errors in the future, please feel free to call them out in the comments or via PM. I promise I won't bite.
5017331
I was hoping you'd like that line.
Well damn, so close of whats gonna happen next but nope
cliff hangers. Anyways, another great chapter you put up for us, after what happen to the end I bet soarin pride felt like thisi2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/621/899/276.gif
this was great. i really thought this was going to be how he broke his legs.
you portrayed big mac well, my only complaint being that he doesn't chew soarin's ear off at some point, like when he gets mad in the ponyville confidential, but then again i'm not sure where i would have put it in either, so that doesn't hold much.
Woohoo! Another awesome chapter!
Pretty awesome chapter. Lots of heartfelt moments coming out that didn't feel contrived.
5107116
Oh thank God!
I was worried I'd laid it on too thick. 