MOAR

504784

I'll get on it. :)

505668

Amazing in a good way? A bad way? Neither?

I'm trying to be tasteful while still being cloppy... and I'm still figuring out the balance. Sex is about more than JUST the pink bits.

505740 In a good way. Don't get me wrong, the pink bits are still delicious, it's just refreshing to read a story like this.

505777

Noted! I just wanted to know if I should process that as criticism or not. Thanks!

Nothing wrong with pink squelchy bits. I just try to have my own style.

I just happened upon this today, and found myself pleasantly surprised at such a well written story of the Two princesses with a consort librarian caught in the middle.

I love the witty, and often subtle, humor. Some touches like Luna pointing out that he's purple, AND a librarian NOT surprising her, to the stepladder jokes being carried out expertly. Even when he was getting escorted to the palace from the original parade, rambling about staring, as well as getting yelled at for hovering parchment. I was aware pretty quick that you knew how to write a good story. This includes the clop humor, such as the telekinetic "job" he was enduring where he thought it felt like a mouth and then having the realization of "OH CRAP I SHOULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT THAT!" Well done sir.

As for the story progression and style, you really nailed it with a soft touch between humor and a little melancholy romance. Being a simple un-note worthy pony, thinking he might be a living teddy bear, etc. are all very compelling and deep views to look at his situation and really gives the character a nice emotional depth while still pinging as light hearted. The development of being stuck between two, sometimes petulant, sisters with varying views on how courtesans should be handled is going great.

The story has only just begun, and there's lots of room for you to take this some cool places, so no criticism about the story board thus far. You're off to a great start, I'll be staying tuned!

Main criticism I have is that if you're going to do the clop stuff separately, it'd be a good idea to make a tell sign in the chapter where it cuts it out with something like:

------------------Clop stuff removed to Chapter ***, go read now if you want it------------------

So the mature reader will know when to mosey on over there before coming back.

Speaking of the clop, you did well. I have only read perhaps two others where it was handled better, or equally well. The interplay, with less focus on the "pink bits" as you said, was handled perfectly. Pat yourself on the back there, you've earned it. My favorite part? Easily when Luna shows her rump to him while biting her lip. Rather than mentioning wetness or excitement, and instead illustrating the bitten lip, him being overcome by her beauty in the moment, and then her pout of impatience just enhanced the scene without being lewd. It was tastefully done and showed characters rather than animals in heat. Something most authors attempting clop (or just any adult story) fail at. So Bravo!

506060

Wow... thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed comment. I feel very encouraged, and it makes me feel like I'm on the right track. I assure you there will be more to come.

I will think about your one criticism. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the mix of clop and non-clop. The first story was meant to be a one-off, and him not remembering what happened was part of the point... but then I got such a response that I decided to write what we missed. I expect it to be more linear in the future, but I will consider using the sort of thing you've suggested if I want to mix sexy bits into plotty bits.

Feel free to speak your mind, positively and negatively, on future installments! I promise there will be some. :)

An enjoyable story, got some good laughs from me. Celestia should go get her own purple unicorn librarian, perhaps one from Ponyville? Duskwind and Twilight could then swap stories about their somewhat insane princess lovers.

This is pretty Good keep it up (that's what she said)

So, I'm guessing this story is dead since it hasn't been updated in over EIGHT YEARS?!