Tired_eyes
Joined 21st Feb, 2012 ·
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"She did always have a...thing for purple unicorns.”
So now we know just how much Celestial loves her sister, that she creates new boyfriends for her. How sweet.
Of course, now I need a Luna emote...
Anyways, well done and most amusing.
Thy demand a sequel with sex!
Dat stepladder.
Have you been watching Mock the Week? What, with all the mentionings of stepladders. XD
PRECISELY.
That line made my day.
Nice work, sir. I enjoyed it.
393249
Luna is midnight blue, not purple. Twilight, on the other hand....
393464
I'm not familiar with that program, so no. Apparently a coincidence.
I'm glad you folks liked it!
393711
Lol I meant to show Twilight's reaction to Luna's comment. Still need Luna emote.
393792
Oh, I get it. I read your comment about how much "celestia loves her sister", combined with the Twi emote, while half asleep, and I derped. I understand now!
393711
British comedy panel quiz show hosted by Dara O'Briene
394432
Haven't seen it. They are apparently imitating me.
393249 There should be a Luna emotion
I DEMAND
I wish people who thumbed stories down would at least say why, because I thought this was pretty good.
If they're only thumbing it down because it wasn't what they expected, that's pretty weaksauce.
And if they thumbed it down because they feel there's something wrong with it, it would be nice if they'd share with the author their criticisms.
I, for one, thumbed it up.
I WANT MORE MORE BACON AND STORY
401441
It was MEANT to be funny, for the most part.
401457 i lold way more then needed too!
401465
Good. I've tried to be a bit sexy AND funny.
393711
I was about too say
She did always have a...thing for purple unicorns.
Twilight
I almost want to see a sequel, kinda on how Duskwind (probably since she had laid claim on him?) becomes a consort to Luna, but not quite sure yet. Think you'd be up to it?
405403
I am toying with that idea, if there is enough interest. I imagine that Celestial would be rather petulant, if she can have any pony she fancies EXCEPT one, even if she wasn't particularly set on him originally. It seems like there are some story possibilities there.
I there were to be anything of a truly adult nature, I'd also stick it in a "deleted scene" like I did with this one.
Sure, just thought the idea was good enough that a sequel wouldn't be unwarrented. And you left the ending open enough.
405729
Thanks for the encouragement!
Second the request for more, with or with out the adult scenes. While I don't see Celestia trying to take back Duskwind, namely because Luna has actual feelings for him. I can see her going Trolestia teasing Luna and Duskwind to no end or seeing how many different shades of pink she can get them to turn.
meh seems rushed
415813
Huh. Any particular part, or the whole thing? It was more or less meant to be a flash fiction around a silly idea.
I third the request for a sequel! This is fantastic work, good sir.
And silly it may be, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
and here i was thinking this was a one shot.
glad to know i was wrong.
452189
Would you care to elaborate on what you didn't like?
452248 oh no, im not saying i didn't like it, im just saying last i saw this it was marked “complete”
452326
Oooh... I fail at reading comprehension today. For some reason I thought you had said "worth a shot". Herp de derp.
It was originally a one-shot, but I got encouragement and had a few more ideas, so I'm extending it. The first chapter stands alone, whereas the second chapter is meant to go somewhere.
452333
yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes...
Thank you
Not bad. I like the ambiguity of Dusk's feelings and his fretting over the situation. It'll be interesting to see how this goes.
452333 Don't worry about it. It happens to the best of us.
libations... and a stepladder.”
Well done.
(Golf clap, Golf clap)
452333
Yeah, I know how that goes, when you read something and it looks like something different from what it actually is. It usually happens to me when I've been up late. Sounds like you've got a bad case of...
:rainbowsunglasses:
...tired eyes.
504036
Zing!
MOAR
504784
I'll get on it. :)
I think it's amazing how you didn't even reference the sexual organs during the sex scene.
505668
Amazing in a good way? A bad way? Neither?
I'm trying to be tasteful while still being cloppy... and I'm still figuring out the balance. Sex is about more than JUST the pink bits.
505740 In a good way. Don't get me wrong, the pink bits are still delicious, it's just refreshing to read a story like this.
505777
Noted! I just wanted to know if I should process that as criticism or not. Thanks!
Nothing wrong with pink squelchy bits. I just try to have my own style.
I just happened upon this today, and found myself pleasantly surprised at such a well written story of the Two princesses with a consort librarian caught in the middle.
I love the witty, and often subtle, humor. Some touches like Luna pointing out that he's purple, AND a librarian NOT surprising her, to the stepladder jokes being carried out expertly. Even when he was getting escorted to the palace from the original parade, rambling about staring, as well as getting yelled at for hovering parchment. I was aware pretty quick that you knew how to write a good story. This includes the clop humor, such as the telekinetic "job" he was enduring where he thought it felt like a mouth and then having the realization of "OH CRAP I SHOULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT THAT!" Well done sir.
As for the story progression and style, you really nailed it with a soft touch between humor and a little melancholy romance. Being a simple un-note worthy pony, thinking he might be a living teddy bear, etc. are all very compelling and deep views to look at his situation and really gives the character a nice emotional depth while still pinging as light hearted. The development of being stuck between two, sometimes petulant, sisters with varying views on how courtesans should be handled is going great.
The story has only just begun, and there's lots of room for you to take this some cool places, so no criticism about the story board thus far. You're off to a great start, I'll be staying tuned!
Main criticism I have is that if you're going to do the clop stuff separately, it'd be a good idea to make a tell sign in the chapter where it cuts it out with something like:
------------------Clop stuff removed to Chapter ***, go read now if you want it------------------
So the mature reader will know when to mosey on over there before coming back.
Speaking of the clop, you did well. I have only read perhaps two others where it was handled better, or equally well. The interplay, with less focus on the "pink bits" as you said, was handled perfectly. Pat yourself on the back there, you've earned it. My favorite part? Easily when Luna shows her rump to him while biting her lip. Rather than mentioning wetness or excitement, and instead illustrating the bitten lip, him being overcome by her beauty in the moment, and then her pout of impatience just enhanced the scene without being lewd. It was tastefully done and showed characters rather than animals in heat. Something most authors attempting clop (or just any adult story) fail at. So Bravo!
506060
Wow... thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed comment. I feel very encouraged, and it makes me feel like I'm on the right track. I assure you there will be more to come.
I will think about your one criticism. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the mix of clop and non-clop. The first story was meant to be a one-off, and him not remembering what happened was part of the point... but then I got such a response that I decided to write what we missed. I expect it to be more linear in the future, but I will consider using the sort of thing you've suggested if I want to mix sexy bits into plotty bits.
Feel free to speak your mind, positively and negatively, on future installments! I promise there will be some. :)
An enjoyable story, got some good laughs from me. Celestia should go get her own purple unicorn librarian, perhaps one from Ponyville? Duskwind and Twilight could then swap stories about their somewhat insane princess lovers.
This is pretty Good keep it up (that's what she said)
Amazing! Simply amaazing!!
Yay they are a happy couple... So far
I love it want more