Pinkie Pie starts struggling to keep her emotions in check
Her friends start to drift away.
Her world is getting darker.
She finds help and her world changes irreversibly
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 8th Mar, 2013
- offline last seen Feb 24th, 2015
Swimmingly
Like a neglected and dejected pup, I roam. Also known as Swimmingly "Herr Direktor" Choppingston.
Swimmingly
Joined 8th Mar, 2013 ·
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Manic depressive Pinkie Pie. I like it :)
omigod. write a fricking sequel
IT WOULD BE AWESOME IF YOU WERE TO WRITE A SEQUEL
-MIDNIGHT BREEZE
WRITE A FRICKING SEQUEL ALREDY
4233272 I take it you want me to write a sequel.
You have some rather glaring grammatical errors that need to be cleaned up. And quite honestly, the story was too short, for me.
I'm not really sure how I want to leave this story. I'm really not. I think I'll just pass on a vote. It wasn't bad and I don't want to downvote it, but I don't know if I want to upvote it either.
Regardless, good luck with your future writing endeavors. You've got some talent in there somewhere--I can see it; you just have to hone it a bit.
P.S. And try looking for an editor. If you find a good one, he can really help with the quality of your story, and not just grammar, either.
4235054 thank you for your time and your feed back, I am well aware of my flaws in punctuation and grammar. I will go over it again to correct my errors. Simply put im not very good at typing.
Once again thank you for your feedback.
-Swimmngly
4235200
I'll give you a hint: neither am I. I suck. But the secret is pouring over each sentence--word by grueling word--multiple times before you publish the story/chapter (well, and spellcheck
). Like, in one chapter, you only capitalized names half the time. I can see that you know to capitalize names, because you did it elsewhere, but you need to read what you have written.
No problem, and good luck. And if you have any in-depth or technical questions to help you on your way, feel free to send me a PM; I'd be happy to help.
Poor pinkie......
good chapter!
4234491 really i dont think thats was i was implying
Awesome! Some of the grammer was off, but the shortness of it wasn't a problem! I sometimes need a PERFECT story for how I'm feeling. I foooooouuuuuund it!!!!!!
(My words when seeing this story)
4316493 thank you very much, it means a lot to me to hear that you enjoyed my story.
*to
Yeesh, this needs a lot of paragraphs and corrections.
"Pinkie, what a pleasure to see you today." her friend greeted her happily.
"Yeah, you too Rarity." She replied bleakly.
"Oh, whatever is the matter dear? You seem down and your mane-" she was cut off.
"Yes, I know my mane, It looks terrible. I should've done something about it, well yeah I tried, but nothing would change it." Pinkie irritably scolded her.
"Sorry Pinkie, I didn't mean anything by it, I was merely observing." the unicorn replied.
"I'm so sorry for snapping at you like that, I didn't mean it really! It's just I'm really not feeling like my regular ol' Pinkie self today and I don't know why and I spent ages trying to fix my mane and nothing would, I really didn't mean..." She had worked herself up to tears.
"Oh no my dear, don't worry yourself, I understand. I hate it when some pony comments on my mane if I've had trouble with it." Rarity assured her. "Darling, don't worry it's okay." Rarity leaned in to hug her distraught friend.
"*Sniff* ...thanks R-R-Rarity...I really... *Sniff* needed that right n-now." Pinkie sobbed into Rarity's shoulder. "Not a problem Pinkie, you would be there for me, so it is only fair of me to do the same, not to mention denying a friend a hug isn't very generous now is it?" Rarity replied softly.
*everypony *shown
But eventually, her eyelids betrayed her and she fell into unconscious.
Needs more paragraphs and corrections.
Pinkie woke up very tired. She had to wake up earlier so she could work at the bakery. Not bothering to check her reflection, she tripped down the stairs. She was then greeted by Mr Cake. "Good morning Pinkie, did ya enjoy your weekend?"
"Oh hi Mr. Cake, y-yeah my weekend was super fantasterific." She glumly replied, adding a shaky smile for authenticity.
"Pinkie, is something the matter?" The stallion moved closer to the pink mare. "It's just your mane isn't as fluffy as it usually is, and you're usually in the kitchen before I am." Mr. Cake asked with genuine concern.
What Pinkie heard was "Your mane is wrong, you're wrong, you should've been working three hours ago, now get to work." Pinkie in her already saddened state was completely surprised by this and didn't know how to react.
"Pinkie, what's the matter, why are you crying?" Mr. Cake asked.
"Why did you say that? I sh-should already b-be working, I'm always working early. It's the one d-day I don't and you yell at me for it!" Pinkie was inconsolable.
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings Pinkie, you know I think of you like my own daughter." Mr. Cake spoke softly.
"It's okay, Mr. Cake." Pinkie said as she visibly calmed down.
"Do you think you're okay to work today Pinkie? It's understandable if you aren't though." Mr Cake asked.
"Yeah, I'll work today." Pinkie replied.