The Cutie Mark Crusaders have been separated for years after a giant fight tears them apart, the three moving away to pursue their own dreams, ignoring their entire Ponyville heritage. A reunion however, draws them together once again, and the trio must make amends, embarking on their final, and greatest crusade.
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not a very pleasant scenario but it's a good story.
This is pretty interesting. Poor Soarin
Good story. Not sure why so many dislikes though...
382838
1. Crappy grammar.
2. Death came on too hard, too fast. Not enough time to bond with thd charachter.
3. Why isn't Spitfire out grieving, instead of KICKING OUT one of her LAST TEAM MEMBERS. Last time I checked, the wonderbolts have around 5 members. So...now they have 3 (2 if they haven't got a replacesment RD.)
WHY, may I ask, you made Spitfire a heartless bitch.
'HERPDERP'N SLEEP WITH TEAMMATE FLIP OUT LEAVE WATCH TEAM MATE DIE HATE TEAM MATE THAT SHE SLEPT WITH.'
382891 there are 6 wonderbolts. And if a drunk loser just accidentally killed your best friend, I think you'd be kicking them out too.
uh....i dont know about this one. thr grim came on too quickly. tracking for now to see where it goes.
382891
1. The grammar isn't too terrible, I've seen worse.
2. Maybe the point was for the character to die quickly?
3. She was going to go grieve AFTER.
I thought this wasn't too bad.
Not bad, but I did end up stopping in the middle. Nothing to criticize about, but the grammar could use a bit of work. Oh well, we all make mistakes sometimes~
382928
383086
Yeah, i wasn't sure how much hate i would get from this, now i know. Its my first try at a fan fic, and even a story in general. I don't mind getting constructive criticism but full on hate is not something i would have imagined from here, let alone a community i have only been engaging in for a little over a month that seemed so positive. I can always easily fix the spelling and grammar errors down the track anyway, i just need to find a proof reader. If you know anyone able to put some time aside i would be more than happy. Thanks for the feedback though, glad some people can think clearly.
382754
382891
The point was for Soarin to die quickly, actually. He never really liked Scootaloo in the story and its been several years since Scootaloo joined them. She then let the high life of partying get out of control once RD passed, using it as an escape. Just because Spitfire left, does not mean she is flushed so quickly from the story, its only the first chapter, still plenty of time for character development, and there will be a few grieve scenes etc later on. She left after many years of trying to get Scootaloo help. Besides, the Wonderbolts are currently touring, so where exactly do you think they would be headed to next.
383163 I'll be a proofreader if you want
Also, I was right about Soarin' dying!
>>Purple Thunder Sweet, i would love that. You can go right ahead and download the first chapter and once its fixed up, PM it back to me and ill make the changes, or if there is some easier way to do it, thats fine too, still incredibly new to the site.
383189 Cool, I'll try and correct it straight away, but it won't be for a few days as I'm busy. I'll send it ASAP.
Interesting...It seems okay, so far...But things seem just a little bit rushed, and the grammar isn't very good. Just slow it down a bit and take some time to explain things a little more. Also, try to fix the grammar.
Don't worry, though. This fanfic has definitely grabbed my attention, and I'll be tracking.
Cheers!
382891
Cut the imagination cord: there's no indicator that Spitfire was sleeping over. If anything, since she's the leader, she probably arranged to get a spare key to Scootaloo's room so that she could get rid of the booze, as she said.
That being said, this story needs work. Badly.
Great concept, but it looks like someone murdered a keyboard and the story is far too fast-paced for what little there is. There's a gem in here somewhere, so keep working on it.
i agree with the good comments. polish this up and you've got a diamond.
WHAT HAPPENNED TO RAIBOW DASH! TELL ME OR YOU'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENSS TO PEOPLE WHO MESS WITH HELLPONIES!
388668
Chapter 3 or 4 will be when Scootaloo takes the spotlight again, after the Applebloom and Sweetiebell chapters (may be part of chapter 3 because the Sweetiebell chapter seems short). That chapter will combine the groups first view of Ponyville in 25-30ish years, and the memories they left behind/do not want to remember :)
I am really enjoying this fic, and with some grammatical improvements I think this could be a pretty great story, if you need any help with proofreading or anything, I'd love to help y'all out.
Pah, I'm not amazing.
why no updates yet? this fic has been lingering in the back of my mind for some time now. I'm kinda dissapointed :/ I really hope to see an update soon.
I tried to take my time and put a lot of love into the second chapter. If people still hate the story, so be it. Its a little long, for sure, but I have read over it several times and nothing seems to drag on, and I am not really sure I can lower the word count without affecting the chapter. Also a final note; I enjoy constructive criticism, but not flat out trolling and hating. The first chapter got some rather annoying comments that I had to delete that involved nothing but pictures that were distasteful.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this, cheers.
wow, with 2 simple writings. You have pretty much destroyed two of the three crusaders lives.... while I don't like it. I"m impressed.
you fixed pacing, least I think so, regardless of what others think.
I may just track this out of morbid interest.
If you don't give the crusaders a happy ending, so help me....
but seriously though. great work so far.
I just had to listen to DragonForce:Fallen World while reading. Dramatic take on the CMC's lives? Kudos to you dude.
502182
Thanks. Yeah, going to be a happy ending, will be a hopefully very touching moment with AB and Scoots later in the story, everything will work out for the better.
502218
Thank you. If i can expand on it enough i may even use this alternate future in some other fics.
502230 Sentiments exactly
Go for it,and keep it up!
A good read, definitely. Can't wait for Sweetie Belles Story..
T'was me honor to work on a project so close to your heart, ungodly. So far, nobody hates my work either, which makes me feel even better. I hope I'm allowed to work with you in the future.
505130
I will indeed get your help with future chapters too. At the moment I am trying to come up with a Sweetiebelle story that isn't too cheesy, and the ideas might come to me when my insomnia hits, its what happened with the other two chapters so it could take a few days to a week or two to start my dot points properly. I may even need to rewatch some sweetie episodes to get her character development down. Also not 100% sure at the moment, but I might return Appleblooms accent since she is only disguising it because of Hard Cash. Guess while i wait for inspiration i can plan out the other chapters.
506695
you know how to reach me when that time comes, good sir. :)
This story as it is is quite disturbing, but I don't mean that in a bad way. No, I see this as a well-written short story, and how you've gone about ruining the CMC is interesting to say the least. In all serious waiting for Sweetie's chapter is going to be unbearable, but I'll manage. keep up the good work
I'd like to say I'm continually honored to work on this project. Please reccomend this to your fellow bronies and pegasisters if you enjoy it.
Note to ungodly: loving the new cover art, brony.
no comments yet? I'm appalled. anyhow, once again was fun checking this over. lets hope you crank out some more soonish.
629006
I have two short stories I am currently working on, perhaps 3 with some tinkering. Raritys Muse (Rarity horror, yay) and The Date (ScootxRumble)(Name Pending) are coming along nicely for one shotters/short stories. Its a pity really, because of the bad ratings from the trolls this got at the start of the story, It barely breaks 10-20 views a chapter release, but on Deviant art my newest chapter already has near 40 views.
I just wish more people would have given it a chance, but the views are at a nice amount at least. I am enjoying writing what I can though, even if i am a little slower than most writers here, its great fun
630094
As long as you're still enjoying writing, keep at it. Screw the trolls. Even though they screwed up this fic's rating, I'm still honored to be a part of it. I've been trying to get a couple fellow bronies to read it but they haven't been around. I'm actually working on a new story myself, which will rpobably be a long one-shot, involving one of my OC's and the main six, mostly to poke fun at shipfics in a way.
382838 Some people just can't stand sad pony stories. This in my opinion is an amazing story and I had to force myself through the chapters for a while.
This
turned into this
and this 
turned into this 
and this
turned into this
.... eyyup