brett the tenth doctor
Joined 7th Dec, 2013 ·
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Not to be rude, but I would say you need a better editor. At least have your current one try harder, or re-read and try to fix grammar mistakes. You need a lot more commas, and stop hitting the 'Enter' key to start new paragraphs every couple of words, you should be writing in paragraphs. Your story pacing is a bit too fast, and I won't lie; your story isn't the most creative of them all. I'll keep an eye on this, I'm rather interested. Some mistakes for you to fix.
You need a because in there.
Comma between 'everywhere' and 'so'. Oh, and further down that sentence is canon mistake. I remember Dash being the captain of the weather team.
You don't start sentences with the word 'But'. You could just swap it with 'Although' instead.
devastating.
4179910 admirably good error notices, but that last one doesn't apply if it is being written in someone's POV. In that case, that's like noting every time a southerner such as myself says something as blatantly obvious as "ain't".
That's better, better then that other one. The story improved hugely than before. Not so bad title.
4179910
It's not my editers fault, the mastakes were made by me, all he did is add some new details and basically did a complete overhaul making it a lot better and understandable
Oooooooh. Intensely fast pace, and the gore tag has lived up to it's expectations. I enjoy.
Oh, and since your editor is probably going to quit, I'd like it if you could consider having me as an editor.
4251242
I'm glad you liked it and I except your offer
Take this like and a follow, it's tiebreaker time!