4 months later
Twilight was alerted to her fianceé's presence by a sudden shift in the wind. Out of courtesy and humor, she pretended to ignore it. As her lover drew nearer to her, the alicorn began to blush and giggle. "You know, Dash," she said, turning around. "It's bad luck to see a bride before the wedding."
"You never expected me to wait that long, did you?" Rainbow Dash nuzzled her love. "I just wanted to see your dress."
The two shared a gentle yet passionate kiss. "I didn't expect you to wait at all," Twilight said as she pulled away. Leaning closer, she whispered into Dash's ear, "you shouldn't have waited at all."
Twilight took a long look at the cyan bride-to-be. She had finally let herself get "girlied-up" as Rarity had called it. She had straightened and tied her mane so it was no longer the rugged mess it usually was, making it appear much longer that usual. Draped in front of her ears were two golden, olive leaf shaped ornaments, connected to each other by hook-and-eye, and was clipped to her mane- the same clip she'd worn to the Grand Galloping Gala so long ago. Fluttershy had insisted that both the mares wear flowers in their manes, being Fluttershy. For her part, lining parts of her mane were a series of small yellow, pink, and blue flowers. She ware a dark pink dress and had adorned four gilded horseshoes, extending just past her hooves. All the nights the couple had spent stargazing, and Twilight had never seen anything so beautiful.
Rainbow shared such opinions of her love. She too wore flowers, lining the pink streak in her mane, these ones blue, purple, and red. She wore a dark blue dress with white accents and horseshoes with a pink six-point star on the front. She wore a crown, a replica of her physical element, magic- this was, after all, a royal wedding. While she was thankful to Rarity for all her hard work on making the wedding perfect, she thanked herself for being able to get "girlied-up" on her own.
The lovebirds leaned in close for another kiss when Rarity came crashing into the room. "Rainbow Dash," she yelled. "There you are! It's bad luck to see a bride before the wedding, haven't I told you this? Besides, Fluttershy's freaking out in your room, and you're going to need to comfort her- she is your best mare. Hello, Twilight." That was the first acknowledgement she was given since the white unicorn barged into her room. "I'd imagine Cadance is also wishing to speak with you. She should be in the sanctum already. Why don't you go there?" With that, Rarity left, pushing Dash along with her.
The wedding began on Celestia's command two hours later. "Mares and gentlecolts," she began. "We have gathered today to witness a most favored union of Princess Twilight Sparkle and her partner, Rainbow Dash." Twilight was already standing front-and-center. Dash would be escorted down the isle. As she turned to the door, she took note of the sanctuary they were in. It was filled to the brim with various nobles and others of official capacity. Fluttershy was standing across from Twilight, waiting for the bride to come up the isle. Cadance was next to Twilight, with Luna and Celestia upon the stage. The other three of the group of friends had gotten front-row seats, with Twilight's parents next to them. She had hoped Rainbow Dash's family would show up, despite their protests, but ultimately was dissapointed. As she finished taking stock, the door in back was opened by two unicorns, one of Twilight's guard, the other of Celestia's, to reveal the soon-to-be Princess Rainbow Dash.
She walked down the isle, with Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom scattering flower pedals over the walkway, happy to have a part in the wedding. As she approached the alter, she heard Twilight whisper to her, "You're not about to spring it on me that you're the queen of the changelings, are you?" prompting a small elation from all those close enough to hear it.
To the couple, the wedding was a blur. Celestia said a few words, they said their vows and "I do's", and shared a kiss in front of thousands. They could have been alone for the same thing. The wedding itself meant nothing. The marriage meant nothing. They had each other, and that would last forever. After the kiss, their eyes full of tears of joy, they simply gazed into each other's eyes they saw before them. While they did, and the sun was almost fully set, the two happiest ponies in Equestria could only find three words for each other. All other words they might have said at that point would have been irrelevant now. The ring meant nothing. The crown now adorning Dash's head meant nothing. They had each other.
"I love you," they whispered into each other's ears.
The end
Humans are incapable of falling in love. Some of us are lucky enough to wake up and find that it has been with us all along. (Me. I said that. My quote.)
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I laughed at the end there.
4196427 Glad I could bring a smile to somepony's face!
4170026
You shouldn't be writing them here on the site anyways. It's much easier if you write them in Microsoft Word, or on Google Docs and then import them onto the website.
4259538 Or, I could do it my way and write them out on paper first. That way, I don't require a computer to work, only to publish.
This was a good fic, I read it and enjoyed it.
That said, I think you should definitely combine the first three chapters together, they're very short and ending the first chapter with that intervention by Luna would make for a much better opening to the fic. Also, you should probably add the title of each chapter to the top of the page as well, it makes it a lot easier to notice a change of time or point of view.
4263963 I've heard that before. I might even get around to it, eventually.
4259550 Cute fic! I got a few lost at the start, but then I got it back on road :)
I loved this last chapter the most, an the part of Rares interrupting those two, my, that was simply priceless.
As for what you said, I happen to do that: I write my stories on paper, and then I clean them on Word.
Greetings!
4267993 that might be the nicest response to this story I've ever gotten.
4283503 Ok... No idea what on ofance is.
Cute fic it wasn't the best i have ever read but sure as heck not the worst ether.
You really should get yourself a editor of some sort the spelling is all over the place mostly missing letters and odd formatting .
The story also lacks a bit of depth and detail it was also a bit on the short side.
Also almost half of chapter 7 is a repeat of the first half of chapter 3.
Which comes off as lazy and it brakes the immersion of the reader.
In short there is some talent there but there is a few things you need to work on.
I would start with a editor / pre reader to help out with spelling and formatting
I will be following you and i hope to see you grow as a writer and story teller
4284214 This was written long before I had an editor. The reason I wanted short is because I didn't particularly enjoy writing this. At all. I did it for a friend, and went as far as I could with it before it became self-torture.
4268010 Oh my, poor dear D: I send you hugs and good luck on your story ^^
I hope you get better responses o it soon :D
4287109 hugs... awkward.
4450379 this was written long before I figured out the download button and I could email it... If he ever checked his email.
As for the video, is that how this works? 'Cause that shit was funny.
4453641 My words were of creative criticism. You should proofread every chapter at least twice before submitting it. You had some good idea's but I could not get into the story with all the mistakes I noticed. Like a person would brush their teeth and comb their hair before performing in front of an audience, you should clean up your story so that it is presentable.
4455473 thanks for the critique, then. Back when I was actually writing (my novels, not my stories) I had a guy who edited my story as I wrote it, so I guess I'm not used to having to actually ask people to read it after I've typed it. If you'd like, you could send me a PM with all the mistakes you've found so far so that I can correct them.
Well. The story was fairly cute, but... it felt rough, clunky, and awkward.
The grammatical and spelling errors throughout weren't nearly as terrible as some writers, so I'm just going to leave that alone, though they certainly didn't help.
My biggest issues were, in order:
First, how the story sort of rambled from point to point, and certain points were repeated several times without changing. If you repeat entire paragraphs several times, it can bog the story down. As well, if you're changing points in time, make sure it's clear when this is happening, and make sure that the points in time being visited are clear. Maybe not down to a minute, but some general idea is good.
Second, unexplored and unexplained plot devices. Why did RD give herself just a week to get Twilight? Why were there feathers in her hair when she did wake up, and what, exactly, does it mean? These ideas, and other small details, such as the conflict with Shining, as well as the actual reveal to Twilight's family, could have been elaborated on to further build up the world and bring the story to life.
Third, and this one's hard so I can't blame you for it much. Smoothness of ideas. Keep the words running smoothly, and try to trim down unnecessary words, actions, or phrases. If the story and writing flows smoothly, it's easy for a reader to be drawn in, and want to keep reading. Try to picture words as musical rhythm, flowing water, or something similar when you re-read what you write . If the rhythm is jarring or the water gets clogged up, try re-phrasing it and changing how it's written so it flows easily. This does get easier as you practice writing, and also becomes easier if you read often. (Yes, I expect anyone that writes to proofread their works, even if they have an editor. Part of writing is going back over everything you write to check for errors, inconsistencies, or... weirdness. Personally, I often skip whole sentences on accident while writing, and need to go back to fix it on a second or third run)
Still, it's overall a creative and cute story, so... not bad for a first story. 6 out of 10 mustaches and a request for more.
And hey, this is all constructive criticism coming from a random person online. Feel free to hate me or flame me or ignore me as you want.
5212024 ignore? Not even an option. I always value critisisms from anyone, especially people who actively sought out and read my story as opposed to those I made read it.. I'm more than aware of how much it, quite frankly, sucks, and I myslef have always given it a 3.5-4/10, so believe me when I say youre not telling me anything I haven't told myself. When people favorite this story, I apologize for having written it, not because its the worst thing ever, but because it isn't my best. But now I'm rambling. I do appreciate what everyone has to say, and thank you for your input.
5212157 Many people hate criticism, no matter how helpful it's intended.
But you, sir or madame, are the reason I try to be constructive when I'm critical of stories.
People like you that want to improve, and keep working to get better. So good for you, thumbs up just for that and a big ol' eye.
I'll be looking forward to seeing how much further you go.
5212853 and I look forward to having you with me.
5435208 to this day, it amazes me that people still read this. Well, it was written when I was unaware that people were willing to edit for newbs like me, so I'm aware it's riddled with errors. Nevertheless, I appreciate your taking the time to read this crap, and thank you for the compliments.
It was a great story, short as it was. I had been listening to the MLP soundtrack and when I got to this page, love is in bloom started playing and I managed to read the final words as the song was ending.
5449396 well that's just perfect, isn't it?
10 out of 10
5847821 Lolz... wait, seriously?
5848045 Well ya it has some spelling and grammatical errors, but they do not take away from the story. I think you are selling your self short.
5848801 well then... thanks!
5449396 wow dat timing though XD
It's funny because it's true.
Good story.
Saw a comment that you were surprised people still read this. Looking back that was quite a while ago. Still surprised? Also loved the story. Only complaint was that I wish we got a little more in between the confession and marriage. Like maybe telling they’re friends that they loved each other or something. Also loved the quote. All in all, 5 outa 5 stars. Would read again.