Spoilers: Not really.
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Twilight Sparkle continued her hungover escapades through the town square. She'd be annoyed, or joyed, by the loud screams of joyful children playing in the morning sun, but she didn't really give a buck.
Since only the late-going members of the town were witness to the night's previous events, the early-birds that were now awake and playful were ignorant as to what could have put their beloved princess in the state they saw walking before them. Concerned and confused whispers were elicited from the crowd, 'my, she looks dreadful' or 'smoking? The princess is...smoking? How...uncouth.' but Twilight simply refused to give a buck.
As she entered her favorite coffee and doughnut shop, Pony Joe's, she noticed that, beside herself and the restauranteur behind the counter, the building was empty, and quiet, a fact she would revel in...
that is, if she gave a buck.
"Oh, good morning Twilight!" Pony Joe greated with his normal enthusiasm of seeing his favorite patron, before her disheveled state reminded him of the previous night's affairs, "How, uh, how are you doing? I see you picked up...smoking..."
"Huh? Oh yeah, it's great." Twilight mumbled through her cigarette, plumes of cancer still rolling from her lips as she spoke.
Pony Joe waved his hoof in front of his face as if to ward off the foul smoke, "Your friend Rainbow Dash and your little assistant Spike have been looking for you, you know..." he added.
"Hm? Oh, well, I'll probably bump into them eventually, or something..." Twilight trailed off. "Why am I here again? Oh yeah, coffee. So, like, gimmie coffee." She ordered, holding out an expectant hoof.
"Geeze Twilight, what happened to those sparkling manners of yours? Could I at least get a please?" Pony Joe asked. Spell or not, he knew Twilight well enough to stand up to her, and try to get a little bit of the old princess back.
Twilight Sparkle deadpanned before levitating Pony Joe into the air, and promptly heaving him over her shoulder like old garbage. Pony Joe landed in the middle of his restaurant with *thud* and *oof* before slowly making his way back to his hooves. Something was definitely wrong, Twilight was most certainly under some kind of spell that turned her into the opposite of her normal, caring self. Pony Joe turned around, prepared to yell at Twilight.
But what he saw left him speechless.
There was his local princess, the pony he revered and respected, laying across his coffee machine, now with two lit cigarettes, one sticking out of each nostril, smoking. Impressively, while continuing to smoke through her nose, she was pouring scalding hot coffee directly from the machine into her mouth in a sort of coffee waterfall, gulping it down furiously.
Pony Joe accepted defeat. This...this pony before him wasn't Twilight. It couldn't be! No spell could make a pony just...just not care to such an extreme! This had to be an impostor! A changeling! Now was his time to shine, and he wasn't going to let everypony down. With a fearsome battle-cry, he charged the 'impostor', diving over the counter toward the coffee maker. He made brief eye contact with Twilight before a bright flash of purple blinded him.
He then landed face first into the coffee machine, knocking him unconscious, coffee pouring out on his head and Twilight was nowhere to be seen.
Until she walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later with a satisfied 'ahh'. She proceeded to approach the counter, take a cup off the top and temporarily cut the flow of coffee pouring onto Pony Joe's head by filling the cup. As soon as she was finished, she allowed the stream of coffee to continue to pour down on the poor, unconscious stallion's head.
"One for the road," she muttered at no in particular, walking out of the shop, pulling the two cigarettes from her nose and placing them in her mouth. They tasted like snot, blood, and a little like some sort of bitter powder she remembered tasting, but couldn't put her hoof on. As she took a particularly long draw off the cigarettes, she let out a cough, ejecting what was left of one of the cigarettes onto the ground, and the other into her fresh cup of coffee levitating before her with a quiet *psshh*.
"Oh...buck." She commented, looking at the waisted 1/3rd of a cigarette and now filthy coffee with a cigarette but floating on top.
"Meh." Twilight sparkle drank the ashy coffee anyway. It wasn't like she really gave a buck.
She only had one destination left in mind at this point. Home. Not because she was going to start the business of the day, no, buck that. It was simply because she had saved every single gifted bottle of wine from her friends and family and even ordinary townsfolk after her coronation. In her cellar, she had a total of 744 bottles of wine, ranging from ludicrously expensive to cheap as they come. She figured if she got started now, she could probably kill the stash by...what was today? Friday? Then by Monday.
Twilight Sparkle had a mission. She decided that it was in her best interest to drink 744 bottles of wine over the course of one weekend.
She was going to need more cigarettes.
I can't wait for (if it now happens) when a certain princess gets a bucks refill.
Either way, those weekend plans?
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130308003319/glee/images/9/95/This-is-gonna-be-good.gif
OBJECTION! RACIST! BLAAAARGH!
jk, loving the fic
Drink scalding hot coffee straight from the machine while smoking two ciggerates through the nose...
The video the author drew inspiration from continues to shine through proudly.
Reminds me of friendship is manly...
So am I correct in assuming this will last at least until the other princesses get back? I expect a good half of the Everfree to be leveled by the time they get back. Either that or just burn Sweet Apple Acres. I hear ashes and salt make good fertilizer.
GRATZ ON EXACTLY 777 likes... You're getting lucky bro
Dooooomed! At least she hasn't murdered anyone....
Yet.
Hmm. I´m going to look forward to when Twilight get the receiving end of her escapade. Until then I´m going to enjoy what she will do next. Also what the Mane Six are going to do to her or with her.
4183003
I saw a with there. I hope it's a with, although doing a thing "too" her would be pretty funny.
4183204 I totally agree
I cant wait for the next chapter
Can't wait to see how this will end.
Well, he tried.
In any case, I look forward to the rest of the Mane Six trying to wring bucks from a stone.
...huh. I wonder if Maud Pie was born with an abnormally low buck reserve, and so she saves them all for rocks.
4182562
You have a point. A changeling would be doing a much better job of impersonating Twilight.
4183756 thank you!
The rest of the main 6'and Spike's reaction to this
Is she getting a slow buck recharge? Because it almost looked like she was giving a buck near the end there.
And now we need Celestia to arrive, shake her head sympathetically, and show Twilight how to REALLY not give a buck.
She's had millenia to practice, after all.
One thing for sure, when twilight realizes what she's doing, all tartarus will break loose.
4184224 But she does realize what she's doing. She just doesn't give a buck. If she ever gains enough bucks back... Then all of Tartarus will break loose. Then she'll just lose em again and the cycle will continue.
4184250 FORRREEEEVER!!!!!
4184293 YES FOREVER!!!!!!!!
I think that should be "the other"
4181777 Nurse, there's no time for doubt. Trust me, I'm a doctor. I got this.
744 bottles of wine on the wall, 744 bottles of wine, take one off, chug it down, 743 bottles of wine on the wall.
>> drinking coffee contaminated with cigarette ash
My reaction to this was to say "ewwwwww" out loud.
If Twi had just one, small buck left, maybe she could transfer the bucks from ponies of Ponyville to herself. But then, she would give bucks left and right, while the whole Ponyville wouldn't give a single buck. Either way, nopony wins.
It is well documented that Celestia oft visits the terminally ill. What is less well known is that while there she takes what few bucks those dying ponies have left, thereby allowing her to maintain her buckage over a theoretically infinite period of time.
As a good ruler, she will transfer some of her surplus bucks to Twilight. Of course, Twilight's panic attack once she finally has some bucks in her might send her back over the edge...
There are no words. I have no idea how this can possibly end, so I can only look forward to finding out.
I might just be mistaken, but isn't Pony Joe's in Canterlot? But anyways, another hilarious chapter!
yeeeah...sorry pal I'm done reading this. These last few chapters bored me to tears.
Should have ended this 2 chapters ago.
4189180 You do quite know that even if your no longer enjoying a story not everyone wants to read a comment of yours belittling the author of said story? I for one can say I am still very much enjoying the story, and as such i would enjoy it if you kept hurtful and angry posts "To yourself" as the saying goes. Also no one really want to know how bord of, or how much your not enjoying the story it keeps writers from writing and it can be upsetting. .
This has been hilarious, but the joke is starting to get old. I'm eager to see the conclusion. Does Twilight somehow destroy everything and continue to not give a buck? Or does she ingest some curious substance, unknown to science, that completely repleneshes bucks? I'm kind of pulling for the ladder just based on the sheer amount of questionable contents she's been consuming.
4190081
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/59396144/mlfw558_131219164527.jpg
Newsflash pal:
I've been writing for 10+ years and not just MLP fanfiction either.
Just because one person has an opinion different than yours, DOES NOT make them wrong, angry, or hurtful, however it doesn't it make them right either.
In essence, it's AN OPINION! I personally felt this story was no longer funny, so i stopped following it. Did I say this story sucked? Nope. Did I say they should have ended it two chapters ago? YEP!
Why you ask?
My experience in writing is and always will be a compass on the progression of a story and one of this nature should have ended at the PPD chapter.
Why?
Comedic impact. By leaving it up to reader to guess what will happen to Twilight, it leaves the story open to interpretation and thus would have made this story hilarious as it began.
By continuing the story, they have made the same mistake countless writers have made when they get their first taste of fame:
Continuing the story for the sake of continuing it to attempt to get more fame and comments on their story. In essence, they aren't writing it for the sake of being creative anymore, they're writing it in hopes of getting more fame.
Whether you like it not, THIS IS BAD.
If they had already ended it, it would have ended on a hilarious note. Now it's just dragging along becoming worse and worse with each and every chapter the writer publishes as they continue dragging it along.
Ya like this story? Good for you! But don't think that just because your loving this fic that EVERYONE should and will.
4191032 You know I'm not even going to try to argue with any of that you provided quite a few valid points, but if I were trying to say anything it was lets try to keep it away from telling them "your story bored me to tears" next time. I hope you enjoy your day mate.
4182546 Perhaps she'll go for more coffee and get a single starbuck?
4191032
Dude, I'm not really sure what's going on here, and I am way too hungover
Anyway, I mean, taste of fame? I'm an anonymous dude on the internet.
And first? I've had like 4 stories featured before, and I ended them when I thought it was apt to do so.
It's fine if you don't like the story, it's fine if you do. It's fine if you print this story out and wipe your ass with it, I don't give a buck. But don't put what you think my reasons are for writing this. I'm writing it for the same reason I write anything; it's fun. That's it. Do I enjoy and read every single user comment? Of course, feedback is great, as long as it's constructive, but dude?
Don't announce your ideas as to what's going on as mine.
4191789
Well ex-cuuuuuuuuse me!
What your reasons are I can only guess as to why you would continue this story when the seasoned writer would know when to end the story as it were but I guess when it comes to writing:
and some don't.
Not like I was saying your fic sucked or anything. I just said that it started out hilarious but you should have ended it at the PDD chapter and since you didn't, it went from being funny to boring a repetitive.
4192332
Okay, at this point you're beginning to come off as a bit of a snobby douche. "I'm a seasoned writer and therefore my opinion is fact."
Dude, it's an amateur fanfiction site. You want uber-high-quality stuff? Try your local library. Or rather, why not write it yourself if you're such a great writer.
You're entitled to an opinion, but opinions are like penises; be proud of yours, but don't try to rub it in our faces. What did you hope to accomplish by posting that? That somehow, he would take his chapters down?
He's having fun writing this, and the majority of people enjoy reading this. If you've lost interest, then that's perfectly alright. But don't place yourself up on some pedestal above the rest of us and expect us to all follow your word as if you were some prophet.
4197296
You done making mountains out of molehills yet?
And yes I completely ignored everything in your post because this topic is finito!
4199247
Alright, this ends here...
The argument is NOT over, as I find that your opinion on the subject is not correct. Granted, it is your opinion, but I have an issue with it. Being an experienced writer myself, I have come to find that simply leaving a story to the imagination of the reader can lead to a lot of hate. I have no stories up on this site, but I have dozens of stories up on other sites, and I have done what you have described. For the sake of my sanity, I'm not going to list any of those sites, but I ended up losing quite a few followers at that. Granted, some stories work when it comes to a cutoff like that, but I think this is not one of them. There are too many possibilities, as I'm writing this comment, I've thought of about five, which I can state if you wish me to. When it comes down to it, your opinion is your own, but we have largely differing opinions, and I felt the need to voice mine, and my past experiences.
Thank you for your time!
4191789 New diagnosis: You just don't give a buck. I'd tell you to go to a doctor, but you wouldn't give a buck about that either.
This story has allowed me to actually relate twilight on a deeper level
If Twilight doesn't end up "paying" for this somehow, I'm going to be somewhat disappointed. I kind of almost want someone to her find completely out cold in the basement with enough health problems to kill any pony and not getting up any time soon... In any case, some kind of resolution would be nice, because it feels like it should be building up to something or trailing off to nothing.
Is there a planned date for an update on this; or is it a "post as you go" story?
4192332 Normally I would have ignored your trolling ways however please nest time just leave a dislike and move on instead of picking fights on a PUBLIC messaging board. With that being said Woo your an "author" congratulations you are one of around a couple million in short your opinion means as much as mine and really what may work for you may not work for others, please think if the story your commenting on can just stop and make sense which this one couldn't have.
4214946
Perhaps you missed the point of that comment...
First, I was not posting a mindless troll comment. The entire point of my comment was to state that through my past experiences, I have come to find that ending some stories and simply leaving the ending to the imagination of the reader can cause a mob of readers that are angry and want a published ending to a story. I was not discrediting Deathsia's writing experience, and I was not simply going along the path of "Oh, I'm an experienced author, and you should listen to me." Every person is entitled to their opinion, and I respect their opinions, but that does not necessarily mean I have to agree with them.
4216656 nope I just replied to the wrong comment I am sorry about that
My bad
Fixed now
4216660
Oh...hehe...
Sorry if I came off as rude there, I'm not having the best of days...
Anyways, thank you for clearing that situation up!
4216861 No problem I made that comment before bed and didn't think to recheck so all in all it's no problem at all
This is... I can't tell if this is chock to the block weird or the funniest thing I have ever read. (probably that second one) loads and loads of moment made me laugh, the best one was where twilight made all of the illegal things she done legal. This is my favourite story here. good on you mate, good on you.