Twilight's pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks as her face shot up from the bag of cocaine before her. White powder now caked her muzzle as she looked about her surroundings. She began to see the nightclub fade into a more sterile, less noisy environment, the chatter of the other club goers and music slowly fading from distinct, to blurry, to a repetitive ringing sound. The deep lavender walls of the VIP room began to lighten to a dull cream, and the burgundy curtains melted into a dark sage metal door reading 'EVIDENCE'. Twilight shook her head as the scene began to become more and more distinct albeit a bit wobbly. The building didn't look at all familiar to her, and she had no idea where she was.
Not that she gave a buck.
Shaking her head again she began to walk out of the evidence locker and looked around. In the room was a desk with several telephones, notepads, and a pair of handcuffs. Behind the desk was an unconscious, possibly dead, mare in a navy cloth uniform with a shiny golden badge. The uniform read 'PPD', and acronym she recognized to mean 'Ponyville Police Department'.
On the other side of the room were some small, but comparatively clean jail cells. They each contained a hay bunk, chrome toilet, and were sealed by old-fashioned vertical steel bars. Twilight blinked at the situation before her. She was in a police station with an unconscious police mare, had cocaine coating her face, and absolutely no idea what had transpired causing her to arrive in this particular situation.
But one could hardly insinuate that she gave a buck.
But now...
SHE DIDN'T GIVE A BUCK REALLY BUCKING FAST!!!
She bounced around the room a bit, giggling and laughing at nothing in particular as the cocaine began to reach it's full effect. Twilight began to realize what it felt like to be Pinkie Pie, running about in circles for no particular reason.
Then Twilight had a great idea.
Going over to the police radio intercom she changed the input from occasional voices stating 'still no sign of the princess' to a nearby radio station until a charming little melody began to play through the radio.
Twilight grinned with particular glee at the unfamiliar melody. She turned, picking up the unconscious mare with newfound strength and began dancing in erratic hops around the police station. Through force of telekinetic puppeteering, the unconcious police mare began doing a strange river dance about the station, tongue waging from her mouth as she did.
Twilight noticed that her magic looked really cool, and dropped the mare to the floor with a *thud* and began magically levitating all sorts of various things viciously, shaking them and throwing them about the police station. In her convulsive and destructive dance, she failed to notice her hip bumping the radio microphone to 'on'.
-----------------------------------------
Elsewhere in Ponyville
An older, dark brown stallion with a short curly mane marched through the streets, his careful eyes peering through the late night air. It was dark, real dark, and the sun wasn't too far off from beginning to arise. The old phrase was right, it really was darkest before the dawn, with the moon having gone down hours ago, even the stars began to lose their twinkle. He hadn't heard radio conformation from the station that the princess had been found yet, so he continued his fruitless search.
Suddenly, and loudly, his walkie-talkie exploded with sound, blaring an annoying keyboard tune with sounds of crashing and laughing in the background.
Being that his walkie talkie only picked up transmissions from the station, he acknowledged that Peacekeeper back at the station had either gotten very, very drunk, or, and far more likely, Princess Twilight was back at the station, and the situation was beyond out of hoof.
He reached up, clicking his walkie-talkie to 'off' and turning back towards the station in full gallop, muttering to no one in particular,
"I'm too old for this shit."
-----------------------------------------
Elsewhere still
A young mare listened intently to her walkie talkie, trying desperately to make out any discernible queues from the obnoxious music coming from the other end of the communicator. Her assistant, an even younger stallion, the same stallion from the pizza place, as a matter of fact, listened as well, to the walkie-talkie and for orders from his instructor. The older had listened enough, and after not hearing any sign of her old partner, Peacekeeper, her concern began to grow.
"Alright Recruit, I know this was supposed to just be training, you shadowing me for patrols and all, but earlier we got some calls about Princess Twilight being out of control, suspected to be under control of a spell, and we had our best stallion sent out on it. He was supposed to take care of the situation, and it sounds like he failed. It's up to us now, so get ready for some action. It appears the princess has somehow found her way into the station and is causing some major destruction. We are going to need to go in there and subdue her, hopefully by as peaceful means as possible, and when she comes too, she'll undoubtedly thank us. Heck, we may be regarded as heroes!" She announced triumphantly.
The pizza stallion blinked.
He knew exactly what was going on. This was no spell. This wasn't magic, no sir. This was something far more powerful. Something ancient and seldom understood, a force of discovery and destruction. This was a force so entirely, inconceivably, IRREVOCABLY destructive that he only put them into his body, like, 3 times a day...tops. No, this was a beast of far fiercer blood. This was why he joined the force, to get them off the street and destroy them through fire and (stomach) acid This was...
Drugs.
The stallion shimmied out of his blue uniform, leaving it in the dirt.
"NOPE."
"Uh...recruit? Where are you going?" The older mare turned, confused.
"Nope."
"Recruit get back here! The station is that way! Come on! You could be a hero!" He called after him, his form shrinking and voice quieting with distance.
"nope."
--------------------------------------------------
Back At The Station
The dark brown stallion bucked the doors to the police station open, and steadied himself for the fight of his life. He hopped the princess could be reasoned with, but if not, he would have to subdue her, and subduing an alicorn was all but an easy feat. As he walked in he found the station quiet. The annoying music from his walkie talkie had stopped playing and the phones had stopped ringing. He quickly acknowledged why, as they were all scattered and smashed about the room, sparking occasionally. He tentatively walked forward. There was no sign of the princess, or his old partner, and the room was eerily dark and quiet, as some of the lightbulbs had also been smashed. He was on wit's end, waiting, anticipating the princess to lunge, prepared to fight...
Until he heard a loud snore from one of the cells.
He turned to see Princess Twilight Sparkle napping peacefully on one of the bunks, an unlit cigarette dangling from her mouth and her foreleg wrapped around his partner, like they were...cuddling almost.
He blinked in surprise. Was...was the Princess keeping her hostage or..?
Suddenly, Peacekeepers eyes fluttered open and saw the destruction before her, only tilted sideways. She tried to move, but suddenly a lavender hoof tightened it's grip on her mid section, met with another loud snore.
She blinked a few times before finding her partners eyes.
"Help..." she squeaked.
Wut the wut
It just gets better and better!
I wonder what Twilight would do during the hangover.
She'd probably won't give a buck, maybe some rage but not a buck.
That squeeky help was adorable, but this is how I would have done it
4165892 You make a good point, but you're forgetting that no one really gives a fuck.
I agree, most of drugs are bad save for some that I intake: toke, AMT, LSD, shrooms and PCP. The ones that are addictives; I run like hell from those.
4165892
You seem to be confusing fucks with bucks. Twilight ran out of bucks, silly.
31.media.tumblr.com/523b2f21343907f8620885849f702564/tumblr_mz4r3rfGSn1rc9icho1_250.gif
Wow, I need more of this story!!
Is it also possible to run out of ablilities to even?
And it turns out the partner in the cell with Twilight is ironically named Little Spoon.
She put herself in jail.
All they have to do is slip a magic suppressant ring on her and
BOOM the station explodes.
Magic control ring? Bah. Twilight doesn't give a buck. She'll cast it anyway!
All the yes
4169361 That´s a very good idea for a sequel!
I think the next drug Twilight should do is the fictional cocainum.
[youtube=pFJ62vlZbls]
one word: mooooaaaaarrrrrrrr
4170734
Hey, now, don't discount the intelligence of druggie pizza boys.
4169040
I ain't so sure bout that PCP...
4169040 I dunno, dude, PCP fucks you up pretty hardcore. I'd rather a nice valium or two, a hot bubble bath, and a glass of wine, m'self.
Interesting, you seem to know a fair bit about drugs. That's a good thing in my opinion, knowledge is power after all. However despite all this, you don't seem to realize that 30 Viagra would be easily enough to kill you. Just saying.
4171099 I use it like...once in while. Meh.
4171190
Oh for me? Absolutely. An overdose that size would cause such adverse effects on my blood pressure and blood flow that I would undoubtedly die of a heart attack in minutes.
Luckily, the subject in question is an immortal, magical, technicolor equine that speaks, flies, and uses magic on a more-than-often basis, so I think she'd be ok.
I'd also die from drinking fabric softener, smoking a dryer sheet, diving face-first into cocaine, assaulting a police officer with my ass, slapping Rainbow Dash with chocolate cake...I was put underground back at the bar
4171190 Your forgetting how as alicorn, they become OP as HELL when it comes to vitality. Although, putting them all together probably should be killing her, especially with the amounts of cocaine that can make Charlie Sheen OD.
4171282 basically,She can survive having every organ in her fail at the exact same time,But will probably feel it the next morning...Right?
Aww, no April Fools chapter?
4171282 True, except it hasn't really been established in canon yet whether or not Twilight is immortal, or what the limits of that immortality might be, but oh well. From what I've heard even three Viagra can cause serious problems, 30 is like, snorting 10kg of coke and calling it an overdose.
4170286 This cocainum?
Peaceful Twilight keeps Peacekeeper hostage.
4169044
To be honest, I agree with the second point of the comment you replied. I didn't want to read about Twilight on drugs, I wanted to read about her not giving a buck. Apathy, not caring, etc.
4171362
And you thought Twilight would give a buck about the show's canon why?
4172643 I just knew someone was going to say that.
4169416 That's a pony I could get behind.
4171362
It's been confirmed that twilight will not outlive her friends, and she is therefore not immortal.
Link
(Though the statement may mean that she and the elements could have prolonged lives, everything that is unaging -rather than true immortality, being the incapability to die- will eventually die. Given enough time, eventually being mortally wounded is inevitable. Therefore, if she were immortal/unaging, she would indeed live to see one of her friends die, or she would die first.)
now everyone can rest easy on the subject.
Listen to Peewee Herman, kids: Crack... is wack.
4175174 What does Spikes pet pheonix know about crack?
4169361 Well, I just lost the ability to can.