Twilight's bloodshot eyes opened widely, eliciting a loud scream from Law. Suddenly, though, as quickly as her eyes opened, they rolled up in their sockets, closed again, and were fallowed by Twilight smack her lips dryly as the cigarette flopped about, somehow still remaining in her mouth.
Law stopped screaming and caught her breath, only to see that the princess was in fact back to, or had never truly woken up from, her slumber.
Law heaved a few more times before looking back at her fellow officers, only to see them gesturing to continue. Law poked again and was met with a snort, a muffled sneeze, another snort, and then a swallow as a peaceful smile then grew on Twilight's muzzle.
"Um...Princess Twilight?" Law poked again, this time with slightly more force, jostling her body, "Princess Sparkle?"
Twilight twitched with a start, her eyes opening again, saying something along the lines of "JSFAULEW?!" as she blinked rapidly, trying to focus her eyes. They scanned the room erratically before meeting the eyes of Law, the officer standing before her.
"Am I dead?" She half whispered, half groaned, cigarette still bouncing in mouth.
"Um, no ma'am, though I could understand why you might feel that way..." Law commented, eyeing the cocaine powdering her snout.
"Who are you? Have I joined some kind of...cult?" She asked in the same gruff morning voice.
"Uh, no, Princess. My name is officer Law, I'm with the Ponyville Police department." She answered stately.
"Oooohhh yes yes yes of course, of course..." Twilight replied, rubbing her head with her hoof, sitting up now.
"Ah, so you remember what happened?" Law asked.
"No." Twilight replied, before continuing, "How was the situation? Had I been...drinking?"
Peacekeeper piped up from behind the bars, "Had you been drinking?" Her mind flashed back to the stupor Twilight had entered the station in, swaying obviously before attacking her, "I'd...say you had a couple." She put delicately.
Twilight rose to her hooves, stumbling slightly, "You see...you see Lilly, Larry, Leo-"
"Law." The officer quickly supplied.
"Law...I don't think that- HRUGH! OH CELESTIA THAT'S BRIGHT!!" she commented, now facing the window, "I don't think that your, uh, services will be needed anymore. I'm just gonna, just gonna...gonna go puke outside and then I'll be on my way..."she remarked, heading to the cell bars.
"I'm afraid we can't let you do that Miss Sparkle. I'm afraid you're under arrest," Roger replied calmly, but sternly, "for violation of several of her majesties' laws."
"Huh...ok then," Twilight replied, clearly not giving any amount of a buck, "just let me take care of something real quick." Twilight promptly used her magic to bend the steel bars of the cell outwards without effort, creating an open plenty large enough for her to walk through, which she did. She then promptly opened the door to the station and vomited on a small, very unfortunate squirrel who happened to be burying nuts near-by.
Twilight re-entered the station, wiping the vomit and some cocaine from her muzzle, "Alright then...now that that's taken care of...I'm what now?"
"You're under arrest?" Roger replied, much more nervously this time, now that the Princess was out of the cell.
"Oh, uh, nah. I'm gonna go get a coffee instead," she replied, magically lighting her cigarette and placing her sunglasses from the previous nights escapades oh her sensitive eyes.
"I'm afraid it's not that simple, your highness..." Roger stated gently, being very careful not to upset the powerful, cranky, and deeply hungover princess, "You broke several laws...and...and we're placing you under arrest for that whether *gulp* whether you like it or not..." the stallion stated, nervous and confused that he had to explain the legal system to a princess.
"Yeah, but, like, I don't really give a buck? So...whatever I did last night? Yeah that's legal now." Twilight replied casually, taking a draw off her cig while rooting through her stolen suit jacket, smelling cake.
"Princess Twilight, you can't just-" Roger started before Peacekeeper put up a hoof to silence him.
"Unfortunately, she can just. She's a princess, Roger, and as unfortunate as it may be, her word is law. She doesn't stand above the law, but she can change it whenever she wants," Peacekeeper sighed, "even in this state she still has the authority."
Twilight rose back out of her coat, now munching on a cold, stale chocolate lava cake, "Damn straight. You know what? Buck it. Everything is legal now. No laws, buck off..." She stated coldly, chocolate cake crumbs flying out of her mouth as she did so.
"WHAT?! Princess Twilight, without laws the entirety of Equestria will descend into chaos! It'll be anarchy! Ponies murdered in the streets!" Roger protested, unable to believe what he was hearing.
"Yeah, I don't give a buck so..." Twilight motioned for the stallion to keep speaking, as though he had a point he would arrive at.
Roger was utterly dumbstruck.
"Aight, cool." The princess replied before heading back into the evidence locker and rolling a magic grass joint, which she stuck behind her ear. She also took a bag of Skittles and a can of iced tea. Why that was evidence, she would never know, but it wasn't like she gave a buck.
As she headed back out the locker and then out the station, the police ponies did not dare move a muscle, lest the princess sentence them to death, or something. Who knew what she would do now that everything and anything was legal!
Finally, she left the station, walking out into the sunny streets of Ponyville, mumbling something about how Celestia was being a bitch.
The three ponies stood motionless for a few more minutes before turning to Roger.
"Roger, what do we do here? Without laws, well, we're out of a job! Not to mention everything we know is going to come crashing around us..." Law asked, terrified.
"It's simple..." Roger replied, before turning to face his co-officers, a deadly serious look on his face, "We. Tell. Nopony."
This is why I love this story. Absolute comedy gold.
Well... nice knowing you all
Skittles and iced tea.
I see what you did there.
Yeah, that's pretty much the only way to deal with that particular decree without disintegrating society. Now let's see how long the cops can maintain the facade...
4178341
>_>
Twilight then proceeds to outlaw the giving of bucks entirely, and the world at large carries on as if nothing had changed because it is legally no longer allowed to give a buck about not being allowed to give a buck.
And then Discord says "Buck it!"
And then everything is a bucket.
I've been enjoying this, but I keep waiting for something to restore her 'bucks' to give. I want to watch her cringe and spaz completely the hell out when she realizes what she's been doing.
This makes my day better each and every chapter...
4178372 Most likely scenario? Celestia goes to Discord, begs him to give Twilight the standard amount of bucks a newborn foal has, he does, Twi realizes what she's done, and promptly goes bat-shit crazy. Like, bat-shit crazier than Lesson Zero bat-shit crazy.
I don't think Twi has the power to just make what ever she wants legal. Celestia and Luna still have primacy and they still give bucks. If and when they run out, then and only then, is Equestria screwed.
4178363
I'm going with everypony else on this.
4178438
Ordinarily, yes, but they left her in charge, remember?
4177677
Hahaha Thank you sir that made my day
Celestia has lived for at least thousand years. I wonder how many bucks has she left? Hm, on second thought, I don't give a buck.
4178444
Oh yeah. Well Discord will stop her. You can't have chaos if there are no rules to break. How dare she usurp his job!
I think whoever gets the reference should get their OC featured in te story.
As to what the reference is? I haven't a clue, but I'm gonna read this chapter again now. XD Not that I'm likely to find it; I rarely get references since I don't watch TV.
4178550
Good reward! I'll do that. And as a hint, it's a british sitcom, also about a book keeper...
Also, I just loved the part where she just calmly bent the bars and walked out without even batting an eye. That was great.
4178555 A British sitcom? Oh lord, the only British show I know is Doctor Who. XD
*Googles* Wait, it isn't ... "The Squirrels" is it?
4178482 She's conserving them. Remember Nightmare Moon? She didn't give a buck, just sent Twilight. Remember Discord? Didn't give a buck, just sent Twilight. Remember Chrysalis? Didn't give a buck, just sent Twilight. Remember Sombra? Didn't give a buck, just sent Twilight.
4178614 cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/44021758.jpg
4178555
Hmm... seems Flexico already guessed The Squirrels, so... is it Black Books?
Come on Twilight, get with it.
4178555
monty python?
4178705
DING DING!! We have a winner
I really wanted Law's partner to be named Order. But that's just me.
My Personal Speculation: All the problems Twilight causes under the effects of Not Giving a Buck drain Celestia and Luna of all their remaining Bucks, causing a drug-fueled royal rampage across all Equestria.
I kinda wanna see a sequel where Twilight is looking for spike. And it would be a play off of "Dude, Where's my car?" Titled "Dude, Where's my Spike?". And it would be part of this story where see doesn't give a buck. Problem is that she no longer gives a buck.
Was the Travon martin reference really necessary?
4178363 All of my yes!
4178614 Soooo...this whole thing is Celestia's fault for draining all of her bucks.
4179142 Exactly. But the real question is, who is Celestia going to send to fix the problem when, obviously, Twilight isn't available?
4179188 Luna (because she has 1,000 years worth of extra bucks)? Discord (because he can somehow conserve his own)?
4179203 Maybe Luna, yes. And Discord (until befriending Fluttershy) doesn't give a buck about anything.
4178555
I was going to Guess Fawlty Towers until I saw the book keeping bit, and then I saw that somebody had already won.
Huh.
4178372 I am eagerly awaiting this moment in the story.
so, Twilight just legalized
marijuanamagic grass, destruction of property, stealing, rape and doing cocaine. Your leadership truly is an example to us all Princess.4179298 Exactly.
4179660 Maybe those were already legal. I mean, if turning creatures into stone/blasting dozens of creatures forcefully with a giant pink bubble/annihilating a creature with the power of love without even holding trial is legal, who knows what's legal?
4179792
Everything, obviously.
Since everything is legal, what the officers did about what twilight said is also legal meaning to say that continuing the police force and enforcing laws that were abolished while capturing people without the laws needed to do so is legal. I like exploiting the "everything is legal" loop.
4178372 4179469
Maybe the mane five can give some of they're bucks to Twilight.
A buck transfusion.
4178372 and the she start's to stress about what she did and uses up all her new buck's
Okay, it would be kind of dumb if she got out of scot free. They should totally let Celestia in on this, since there sort of Celestia's laws anyway.
4179188 Plot twist: Celestia was depleted of bucks all this time!
I have a feeling I know how this will end, but it's too logical, even for him.
4178372 her new bucks will last 5 seconds
4180413 I need 500 cc's of buck, stat!!
4181764
But doctor! (Insert Nurse Redheart Here)
What if she rejects it?!