Rock farming. Nopony pays much attention to it.
Except when they are down on their luck and desperately need some bits. And when her boasting catches up with her and she loses all, Trixie is certainly desperate to earn enough bits to get her back on the road, desperate enough to challenge a rock farmer and partner with an expressionless rock expert in order to bring in the bits.
Trixie is the Great and Powerful, after all. Anything other ponies can do, she can do better... can't she?
Created for the Equestria Daily Writer's Training Ground #012: "Maud Pie"
This story happens between Boast Busters and Magic Duel.
Feel free to point any flaws; it's why I'm taking part in the Writer's Training Grounds, after all.
Chapters (5)
the greatest firework show in the story of Canterlot
Needs to be history. only flaw in the story I saw.
wonderful story by the way. would be interested to see a story between Maud and Trixie as salesponies or something similar.
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Thanks, fixed.
I actually wanted to write a scene or two where they interacted with customers, but I ran into size and time limits; the story had to be smaller than 7K words and posted by 9PM to qualify for the EQD Training Grounds, and I finished my last edit with 15 minutes and a bit over 1K words to spare. I couldn't fit half the scenes I wanted to do but skipped over in those 1K words, even if I had the time.
It's the curse of deadlines and limits. On the other hoof without the deadline it's quite possible this story would never have been posted...
I found this tale of Trixie's time at the rock farm fairly interesting. You had nice characterization of Trixie, Maud, and the rest of the Pie family. It was nice to see Trixie putting her talents towards bettering herself and the farm.
Some things that need attention though. Many sentences changed tense, such as going to past to present, which made the reading feel clumsy. These need to be ironed out so that the reader isn't left scratching his/her head.
Another thing that I began to wonder about half-way through the story was how Trixie would go from this stage in her life to acquiring the Alicorn Amulet. Here, I didn't feel as though enough build-up had been accomplished. Trixie goes from wondering how to sell rocks for potion making to suddenly "REVENGE!". The transition was jarring and didn't make a whole lot of sense given Trixie's development at that point. I would need to see her having a major low point with the farm before I would believe she would track down the amulet. Maybe a major fight with Maud?
Also, the time skip between chapters 4 and 5 gave me literary whiplash. There needs to be a better transition from Trixie finding out about the amulet and then coming back. With work from Princess Luna no less. How the heck did that come about?
Still, I got enjoyment out of this. A little more fleshing out story wise and you'll be good to go!
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First, thank you very much for your comment
Sentences changing from past to present: I need to take a look at the proper ways to indicate a future possibility in a story that is told in the past tense. Perhaps I should convert them to actual thoughts instead of just indicated thoughts; it would fix the tense issue and make the story a bit less tell.
The jump is intentional, since there's an episode between chapters 4 and 5 (Magic Duel). Doing it this way might not have been my brightest idea, but I wanted to end in a positive note and Trixie setting out to have her revenge wasn't exactly what I consider a positive note. I couldn't deviate much from that without going against the show cannon. But I do agree with you that it can be jarring; if, or when, I rewrite the story I think I will change the ending of chapter 4, and the start of chapter 5, to better ease the transition.
(Heck, if I rewrite the story I will likely start chapter 4 again from scratch. My earlier idea to string together the alchemical materials and the Alicorn Amulet blew up in my face and I had to scrape something else shortly before the deadline
Rewriting at a later date also has the advantage that I won't be bound anymore by the 7K words limit, which will allow me to reintroduce some scenes I had to scrape.)
The part about doing work for Luna is a reference to another fic of mine, Fireworks for a Princess; if they don't conflict each other I tend to write my fics so they can be a single continuity, though I try to avoid making previous ones required reading for future ones. I'm adding a note pointing the reference to chapter 4, but I do agree that it would be a good idea to throw a few lines pointing what happened in chapter 5. At 312 words it certainly could use a bit more text. I'm going to wait until I actually rewrite the story before doing it, though; doing this kind of change just after submitting a story to an event would feel a bit too close to cheating.
I did a small change to the wording at the end of chapter 4, BTW. I changed "have her revenge on" to "win her rematch against". I was already thinking about doing this change shortly after submitting the story, but Meeester got to my fic before I could revoke the submission, and then I went to sleep and forgot about it
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I remember reading Fireworks for a Princess, but didn't realize they were in the same continuity. Thanks for pointing that out.
Good luck with the re-writes!
It's always nice to see Trixie play off against another character who isn't trying to aggravate her. Very intriguing to see her try to be productive.
And the bandits got an object lesson in perspective. That was fun. It's disappointingly common for authors to write Trixie off as an incompetent just because she's not as powerful as Twilight, but she really is very capable in her own right. Canonically, even. And brave enough to stand up against an overwhelming foe. That's also something that needs to be remembered.
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In my mind, if Trixie wasn't in a desperate situation Maud would have aggravated her without trying; they are just too different. Why, I even gave Trixie a nightmare
(Which is why I paired them, of course; I was originally going to use just Trixie, but then I started to imagine how she would react to Maud...)
BTW: according to Lauren Faust, Trixie went to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, the same one Twilight went to. It's not exactly canon - Lauren Faust wasn't in the show anymore when she twitted that - but I take that to mean Trixie is quite talented, just not as much as she boasts.
HK-Maud
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)
I did say I like KotOR
(And Maud is likely the only canon character for whom that joke could work
These two scenes are pretty good and simultaneously make Trixie a flawed yet sympathetic character without making Trixie's problems a melodrama. The only suggestion I could make is to include more setting description, and lengthen the second and final scene. As it stands, the brevity of the scene doesn't makes Cloudy's reasons for hiring Trixie feel somewhat forced. They're good reasons, quite enough to support the decision, but perhaps a longer scene would emphasize the importance this decision has on Trixie? Its just a thought.
Wow, I loved this story! Normally I DESPISE Trixie, but this was incredibly written! You portrayed her relationship with Maud very well and turned her into a very sympathetic and likeable character to me! Awesome job!
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(Sorry for the late answer)
Thanks for the comment
I'm not sure what I could add to emphasize why it was important to Trixie, to be honest. Or, at least, what I could add without reducing the feeling I wanted to convey of Trixie being confused by the kind offer, something she was not used to.
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Hard to say without reading the stories you disliked, but my guess is that Trixie tends to be the character people either love, or love to hate.
When the author loves a character there is a tendency to make it a Mary Sue, which is irritating by itself. Add to that the fact Trixie is a too proud Large Ham, which tends to also be irritating by itself, and such a Trixie becomes insufferable.
And when the author hates her the tendency is to make her just plain evil, utterly incompetent, or both — which is not interesting — as well as maximizing her already existing irritating tendencies.
I like to think that I found a happy medium, where Trixie can be irritating and too proud, but on the other hoof is skilled and ultimately has a good heart.
(When you think about it, Trixie's flaws are similar to Rainbow Dash's flaws. Both love to be the center of attention and can be too proud for their own good.
)
Trixie was ready to bolt when a large brown stallion left the house. She couldn’t help but stare at the old fashioned way he looked; his mane was close cropped, light gray and white, and he wore a black necktie and a black wide brim hat. His cutie mark was a hammer.
I think Igneous Rock's cutie mark looks more like a Pickaxe, not a Hammer.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130204080106/mlp/images/e/e2/Igneous_Rock_looking_ID_S1E23.png
Nice story, but so far Pinkie's two younger sisters seem to be reduced to simply background characters.
The whirlwind floated over Maud’s empty card, depositing its load inside.
I'm going to guess you meant cart instead of card. Right?
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Yes, thanks for the catch
Thanks for your comment
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). Thanks for the pointer.
While it does look like a hammer to me (similar to the one Trixie is using in the screen shot I used as the cover), I guess you are right (or at least the wiki agrees with you
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Unfortunate consequence of having both a tight deadline (4 days from prompt to posted fic) and a limit to the fic size (7K words). Plus the fact that, to the best of my knowledge, Limestone and Marble speak, each, one single line in the whole franchise (in the chapter book; they never spoke in the show).
If, or when, I get to rewriting this fic, I will likely expand on them; I have some ideas I would like to try, or in some cases ideas I had to discard when first writing this fic. They are still likely to remain mostly in the background, though, as the story focus was never meant to be on them.