This story would be much easier to get into if you would introduce your character, It takes 5 paragraphs before you mention that the character isn't a pony and another 6 or so before you call him a 'gentleman'. The only real way for me to work out that it is human is because of you calling them a 'manservant', which is more of a title than a descriptor. Also you never actually tell me directly what they are and whether they are male or female, I just had to assume they were when you called them a "gentleman". I actually originally thought he was an owl because of the nocturnal comment.
You have a good point, but no good story is that rushed and because its second person I would assume that TAW is trying to immerse us readers, which is a lot easier with slightly vague descriptions.
Also really liking the story so far, I always like your work
I myself prefer the more vague descriptions, it lets the character evolve in your mind, so that you can relate to him more closely. Maybe you could have said "due to your human physiology" instead of "due to your unique physiology", or something like that, to confirm your status as a human a bit earlier, but it really is only an option. Everything seems to evolve at a very natural pace thus far.
This story must be properly tagged: OC, Human. I just lost my time, reading first chapter in hope this about Luna only, or with some OC pony. Ewww, humans in Equestria... Not my cup of tea.
I like how you included the mystery regarding the species of the narrative voice, this seems interesting and iI'll track... But aren't the pony beds the same as ours? Maybe smaller but no obvious differences? Hmm never mind you're entitled to artistic license.
This story would be much easier to get into if you would introduce your character, It takes 5 paragraphs before you mention that the character isn't a pony and another 6 or so before you call him a 'gentleman'. The only real way for me to work out that it is human is because of you calling them a 'manservant', which is more of a title than a descriptor. Also you never actually tell me directly what they are and whether they are male or female, I just had to assume they were when you called them a "gentleman". I actually originally thought he was an owl because of the nocturnal comment.
Hmm I'm interested thus far
372074
You have a good point, but no good story is that rushed and because its second person I would assume that TAW is trying to immerse us readers, which is a lot easier with slightly vague descriptions.
Also really liking the story so far, I always like your work
I myself prefer the more vague descriptions, it lets the character evolve in your mind, so that you can relate to him more closely. Maybe you could have said "due to your human physiology" instead of "due to your unique physiology", or something like that, to confirm your status as a human a bit earlier, but it really is only an option. Everything seems to evolve at a very natural pace thus far.
This story must be properly tagged: OC, Human. I just lost my time, reading first chapter in hope this about Luna only, or with some OC pony.
Ewww, humans in Equestria... Not my cup of tea.
I like how you included the mystery regarding the species of the narrative voice, this seems interesting and iI'll track...
But aren't the pony beds the same as ours? Maybe smaller but no obvious differences? Hmm never mind you're entitled to artistic license.
Heavy is Dissapoint at lack of Human tag.
I agree with heavy we need more tags with human like Anon.
Just in case you wanted to see the view looking the other direction.