They'd try war, but with the power of her sex and mind rape she'd be the porn version of the Borg. Resistance is futile . I thought about adding Changelings and the other races, but my pre-readers thought I was pushing it with the amount of characters I had already.
This was extremely rushed. Lots of spelling and grammatical errors make understanding some bits very difficult. The basic idea is good but the execution is rather flawed. I would suggest you go back and rewrite a majority of the chapters to add more detail, clean up the dialogue and fix the glaring grammatical issues.
Ok...the Foalcon (sp?) and the mind control sex kinda disturbed me. The foodplay with Pinkie...I'm honestly not sure if I liked it or not...I mean like llike food but damn! However despite it all I found this story to be rather enjoyable!
My pre-readers thought that adding any more characters would've been too much, but originally I was thinking of it. But who knows maybe some year when I get around to making a sequel I'll do one where she wages a porn war on the hive and puts the Changelings into a food coma.
Sure. I was just talking to those peeps who look at the description of a fic and downvote on what it's about, not the story itself. If you've read it and want to downvote go ahead. Although if it's not a problem can you tell me your problem with it was please? So I know what to fix in future fics.
Have to agree with 4098737. THe beginning does seem rather rushed. I think more exploration of Sweetie coming into her power, maybe even freaking out for a while, would make it better. Not to say that it doesn't fulfil the role of shameless fetish material, but for those of us who want some plot in our smut, it requires some work
How else was I going to get him preggers with all of Sweetie's harem? That and I find it sad that Spike gets Rares / AB / Sweets pregnant, but never gets to feel the joys of childbirth. Now he can .
I'm glad you liked it, and yes you may write a sequel. And if it's good, I'll even link it to here and make it an official . Best of luck, and I can't wait to see what you come up with, please PM me a link to it when you get it submitted.
After all her lovers came she buried her cock into Spire’s pussy and gently ground into her, while pulling her lover’s thigh’s into a hug, [color=f3beef]I’m so happy that all of you lovely mares, and dragon, are carrying my babies. Sweetie’s sighed through the mindweb. Getting a blast of love from her herdmates in response.
Glad you liked Pinkie's singing talent. Writing her made me lol so hard, and don't worry Shiny doesn't get Gender-bent, it's later on in the fic near the end. But Sweets does get Bukakaed (sp?). Also I'm getting the sequel to this edited. It's more comedic than SoL if you're interested.
So, Shining is nothing more than a drone? And he is losing his individuality? Is that going to happen to everyone else that isn't a herdmate of Sweetie Belle's? I wouldn't want an Equestria with no individuals. And with all this going on, isn't it possible that Discord could break free?
Dis gun b gud
*reads synopsis
omai...
Yes
Could be written better... but I have seen worse.
4087666
They'd try war, but with the power of her sex and mind rape she'd be the porn version of the Borg. Resistance is futile . I thought about adding Changelings and the other races, but my pre-readers thought I was pushing it with the amount of characters I had already.
4087911 *starts chanting* do it do it do it do it do it do it
It was a good fapfic.
It's too rushed, but I liked the storyline :) Reminds me of an RP I once had with a friend.
to rushed, but the idea behind it was very interesting. liked it none the less, and i'm hoping theirs a sequel.
This was extremely rushed. Lots of spelling and grammatical errors make understanding some bits very difficult. The basic idea is good but the execution is rather flawed. I would suggest you go back and rewrite a majority of the chapters to add more detail, clean up the dialogue and fix the glaring grammatical issues.
i.flipline.com/othergamefiles/feedmemoar/images/infobanner.jpg
4098737
I couldn't find an editor for this , but I did what I could I hope that this is good enough for the fetish group contest.
4106408
4093420
There won't be one anytime soon, but when time opens up I might tinker around on one.
Ok...the Foalcon (sp?) and the mind control sex kinda disturbed me.
The foodplay with Pinkie...I'm honestly not sure if I liked it or not...I mean like llike food but damn!
However despite it all I found this story to be rather enjoyable!
Shame you didn't include Chrysalis. That would have been interesting.
4119598
My pre-readers thought that adding any more characters would've been too much, but originally I was thinking of it. But who knows maybe some year when I get around to making a sequel I'll do one where she wages a porn war on the hive and puts the Changelings into a food coma.
4140326 No prob, love the fic. Still think it's pretty rushed.
4140326 What if I read it and don't like it. Then can I down vote it?
4188470
Sure. I was just talking to those peeps who look at the description of a fic and downvote on what it's about, not the story itself. If you've read it and want to downvote go ahead. Although if it's not a problem can you tell me your problem with it was please? So I know what to fix in future fics.
4098737 4107244 I tried, I really did.
4188503 I'll give my feedback after I read it.
4188520
Hey it's all good. You did what you could, and I'm glad that at least you were able to give it a once over. Thank you .
4188537
Alright, thanks .
Have to agree with 4098737. THe beginning does seem rather rushed. I think more exploration of Sweetie coming into her power, maybe even freaking out for a while, would make it better. Not to say that it doesn't fulfil the role of shameless fetish material, but for those of us who want some plot in our smut, it requires some work
4216483
How else was I going to get him preggers with all of Sweetie's harem? That and I find it sad that Spike gets Rares / AB / Sweets pregnant, but never gets to feel the joys of childbirth. Now he can .
Epic story, sequil would be good, and make it soon for fans like me.
May I make a sequel? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE???????????????????????????
4260527
I'm glad you liked it, and yes you may write a sequel. And if it's good, I'll even link it to here and make it an official . Best of luck, and I can't wait to see what you come up with, please PM me a link to it when you get it submitted.
Nobody mentioning F3Beef?
Okay.
4324472
Thanks for pointing that out. Fixed the hexcolor thing now.
4478802 well at leat she´s not called barbra.
Ever thought about a Sequel?
4499982
A little , but I have other fics that I have to work on so I don't know if I'd get to a sequel on this fic.
4638410
Glad you liked Pinkie's singing talent. Writing her made me lol so hard, and don't worry Shiny doesn't get Gender-bent, it's later on in the fic near the end. But Sweets does get Bukakaed (sp?). Also I'm getting the sequel to this edited. It's more comedic than SoL if you're interested.
So, Shining is nothing more than a drone? And he is losing his individuality? Is that going to happen to everyone else that isn't a herdmate of Sweetie Belle's? I wouldn't want an Equestria with no individuals. And with all this going on, isn't it possible that Discord could break free?
Can you Link a Gallary of the... images ?