Diminishing Sunlight

Authors Helping Authors8,593 stories ·2,462 members

Source

Light. The fastest thing in the universe, it gave warmth, life, love. Twilight knew such light, and so did Luna. But cold and ice now surrounds Equestria, and now everypony is just trying to survive the freeze.
The moon and the sun are both slowly setting, putting the world in an eternal twilight. And they may never rise again.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 10
- Newest First
- Oldest First

cloudedguardian

cloudedguardian #1 · May 17th, 2014 · · · 1: Warmth ·

Well, you've got my attention.

Ponysax

Ponysax #2 · May 18th, 2014 · · · 1: Warmth ·

Please more

BleedingRaindrops

BleedingRaindrops #3 · May 19th, 2014 · · · 1: Warmth ·

Heh, reminds me of this
derpy.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134414261009.jpg
Link if you can't read cuz it's too small

BleedingRaindrops

BleedingRaindrops #4 · May 19th, 2014 · · · 1: Warmth ·

Okay, interesting premise, poor execution.

You've got a lot of telly lines that state the emotion meant to be implied by the symptoms it describes. Don't do this. It's detrimental to the impact of your story.

The tomb's page

I think you mean "tome".

there's something hidden in the letter. I only found out about it because of your trust of me."

It would be interesting to know what it was that was hidden in the letter, and how it was Twilight's trust that allowed Spike to find it.

>exposition letter
I believe there are better methods of conveying this information. Stuffing that much information into a small space is generally a bad idea.

Also, a lot of your phrasing is odd, and sounds out of place. This could do with a decent editing pass as well.

That all said, you have my attention.

rainwater12