Trapped on the wrong side of the portal in the Breezie homeland, Twilight and her friends must take a journey inward to return home.
Written for EQD's Writer's Training Grounds #010.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 22nd Feb, 2012
- offline last seen January 10th
A Hoof-ful of Dust
You can't see the forest...
A Hoof-ful of Dust
Joined 22nd Feb, 2012 ·
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Wow, these scenes are straight-up haunting. I really hope that Incomplete tag means this is going to build to some kind of resolution, though, while I can appreciate flat emotional impact, this definitely has the markings of a narrative unresolved.
Trees. There are always trees...
4038327
Oh, I know where this is going to go, just have to write it out. There is a resolution, but things have to get worse before they get better.
4038402
Yeah, it's kinda my thing.
Ewe-Hayasia has always been our ally. Just a minute I have an announcement from Big Colt:
> “ -- when Twilight was just the new library in Ponyville.”Twilight’s not a library, ¡silly! Ya know she’s not a library, ¿right?
Maybe, you should change that to “librarian”.
4044018
Fixed!
In Chapter 2
Anyway, this was pretty good. It doesn't feel much like anything was actually resolved so much as it was six short, unconnected vignettes, but the vignettes were quite powerful for what they were. Thanks for writing.
4071424
And corrected.
I'm not sure there's really a way to get a solid resolution in such an 'it was all a dream' scenario, but I tried to suggest at least that a little of each pony's experiences stays with them even if they don't fully remember it, from the last scene. Might go back and tighten up some of the wording there to make it more obvious, I was in a bit of a rush when I wrote the last chapter.
This story is amazing. I am very, very perplexed by the fact it has so few upvotes/recognition.
Again, how the fuck doesn't this have more recognition?
...I'm starting to get convinced of my sneaky, horrible belief that effort doesn't matter.
need a bit of touch-up and editing, but aside from that it's awesome, and I have no idea why it's so unappreciated.
Imma signal boost this.
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I swear I didn't write these comments down some time last week and find a way to post them from another account when I was feeling a little grouchy that the dopey string of dick jokes I knocked out in forty minutes for the WTG after this one was getting a lot more attention. Feels pretty good to be vindicated like that.
I can see the reasons this story goes unnoticed -- there's that lone Alt. Universe tag, which might be the last popular of all the story tags, and my stubborn refusal to use coherent cover images or titles is probably a thing. The description doesn't say outright what's in the tin, and once you actually start reading the story it doesn't make itself immediately clear what exactly is going on. And, I dunno, I don't think the majority of people reading colourful horse fanfiction are actively looking for halfway-symbolic introspection -- stories that don't bring the cute, the feels, or the grimdark antithesis of the default bright shiny setting tend to routinely get left out in the cold.
But that's alright, all in all, because I did what I wanted to do with the story, and that's good, and it's even better if it manages to find a small audience that really dig it (as opposed to a wide audience that just +1 it and move along).
So Fluttershy's at war with a separate nation of ponies?
4404676
Yes. There may or may not be a East Haysia for the real Equestria to go to war with, though.
4095155
Perhaps what deters readers right now is the 'Gore' tag. Trust me, nothing in here counts as gore.
I think gore might be blacklisted by default as well.
5803268
Much like the sex tag, gore is very much an "I'll know it when I see it" type affair. It's not very explicit, no, but I do have Fluttershy with face all ripped up and eye missing from a grenade explosion, which is definitely beyond what canon could ever get away with, thus tag.
5804784
Very well. The tags you put on your stories are your prerogative, but I still don't agree.
The 'Gore' tag is prescribed for "explicit description of violence/grotesque imagery", and I don't think that applies to this.
Perhaps I've become too accustomed to gore taken to the extreme, but I do believe there are dozens of popular stories here on Fimfiction that deserve the 'Gore' tag by these standards, yet remain untagged.
There was no explicit description of the incident itself, only elegant imagery that allows a reader to imagine themselves in such a situation with little effort.
*"These are the little moments" I think it's supposed to be
Other than that, simply amazing story I'm sorry I didn't read earlier. A very interesting look into what each of these ponies actually "needs" to learn in life.