It was dark. Vinyl couldn't breath, feel, or even blink.
This caused her to wake up with a start and gasp for air. Her sudden and frightening awakening caught the attention of Bon Bon, who was busy in the kitchen. Bon Bon turned around and saw Vinyl clench her chest, almost like she was having a heart attack. Bon Bon quickly rushed over to Vinyl to settle her down. She quickly drenched a wash rag with hot water and kneeled down to Vinyl, placing it on her forehead and slightly pushing her to lie down again.
Vinyl coughed. Her whole body was trembling. Bon Bon could tell from her panicked breathing that she was scared out of her mind.
"W-what's... h-h-happening t-to me?" Vinyl whimpered.
"Shh... calm down, hon. You're just in shock. Relax." Bon Bon insisted. "Take a deep breath, and lie still."
Vinyl did as she was told. To her, it felt like she was going to die. The thought of such didn't help Vinyl calm down. From her expression, Bon Bon could practically read that thought.
"You're not going to die, Vinyl. Like I said, you're just in shock. It happens sometimes after bad dreams."
Vinyl's body progressively slowed it's trembling, she appeared to only be twitching every few seconds, now. Bon Bon lightly petted her head, and tucked her blanket in more around her body.
"Try to go back to sleep." Bon Bon whispered.
"Could you... c-close the b-blinds, plea-ease?" Vinyl asked, still twitching.
Bon Bon smiled and closed the blinds as Vinyl instructed. Walking back to the kitchen, Bon Bon patted Vinyl on the head as she passed by.
Vinyl felt drowsy. Her slight twitching every few seconds kept her awake. Rather than laying on her back, she turned to lay on her side, adjusting the wet rag on her forehead accordingly. Behind her, Vinyl heard yawning, and hoofsteps.
"Goood.... ahhhhhh.... morning, Bon Bon." Lyra sniffed, looking over to Vinyl shaking on the couch. "What's up with her?" Lyra asked, pointing a hoof towards Vinyl, who peered back at Lyra through the corner of her eye.
"She's just a little shocked. Must've been a bad dream or something." Bon Bon said, not taking her eyes away from the work she was doing in the kitchen.
"Ugh, I hate it when that crap happens." Lyra groaned.
The fact that her friends had experienced this feeling before calmed Vinyl down more. She adjusted her position and took a deep breath.
"Psst! Vinyl! You awake?" Lyra whispered.
"Lyra, leave her alone, please!" The cream colored mare insisted.
"Fine." Lyra pouted, yawning afterwards.
As Lyra and Bon Bon's conversation slowly started to muffle, Vinyl's eyes closed slowly just the same. She began dreaming of a fun sounding little tune. It was actually nothing like she'd ever dreamed about before.
Do you believe in magic? In a young girl's heart! How the music can free her, whenever it starts, and it's magic!
Suddenly Vinyl was shaken awake by Lyra.
"Hey... hey Vinyl! Vinyllllll!" Lyra mocked, swaying Vinyl's body back and forth.
Vinyl woke up violently. Sniffing and rubbing her face furiously. "Whaaaaaaat?" She groaned.
"If you're feelin' up to it, Bon Bon and I are going out for lunch, did you wanna come?" Lyra asked, pointing at the door.
Vinyl inhaled deeply and sat up, yawning. "Nah... but could you bring me back something? Just whatever. I don't care, I'll eat it." Vinyl smiled. Rubbing her chest, then reaching for a tissue.
"You got it. I hope you feel better soon." Lyra nodded, closing the door behind her as she walked out with Bon Bon.
Vinyl cleaned up her nose a tad, then she smiled. She was happy to have friends other than Octavia who cared about her, and cared for her.
MEANWHILE, AT OCTAVIA'S HOUSE...
Octavia slumped up against a wall in the hallway, moaning.
"Oh... stupid... AH... AH... AH-CHOO!" Octavia shouted, sniffling. "Stupid colds!" She whined again, slumping onto the couch. "Viinyllll!" She whined. Suddenly she realized that she'd already kicked Vinyl out of the house. This was certainly I different feeling to Octavia. She and Vinyl had their fair share of fights, but it was usually just a lot of yelling that was forgotten the next minute. Never before had they gotten so angry enough at eachother that they'd separate. Octavia got a sudden surge of loneliness. She was sick, there was no doubt about that, but on top of that, she had no pony to take care of her. All she could do was lie on the couch and sleep. Or... at least try to. Tears grew out of Octavia's eyes. She'd never felt this lonely before. Actually, she had felt this lonely before, however Vinyl was usually the mare to come sit by her side and comfort her. But the fact that she was no longer there with her to do so, made Octavia cry even harder. Regardless, Octavia tried to push through.
"Stop it, Tavi!" She sniffled, slapping herself. "YOU. CAN. DO. THIS!" She yelled, slapping herself with each word. Though the pain only shattered her already broken heart. She began to cry into a pillow in the couch again. Eventually, Octavia fell asleep. But before she did, on her lips lied the words, "I'd sell my soul to have her back..."
However as she fell asleep, she knew very well that getting Vinyl back with her wasn't going to be easy. What had she done? Taken over her career? Check. Threw out over 5,000 bits of expensive equipment onto the pavement? Check. Yelled ear-shattering insults at her best friend? Check. Yup, she was the devil. Or at least, that's how she saw herself now.
Octavia woke up a few minutes later, feeling uncomfortably hot. She walked upstairs to the bathroom, looking at her frizzled mane in the mirror. She looked a mess. Her mane was losing it's color, and she looked as though she was tired. The thing is, though, is that she was very tired. She was tired of putting up with being alone. She was tired of being sick. She was tired of a lot of things. Octavia started getting delusional. Where her reflection was in the mirror, faded in Vinyl, who looked happier than ever.
"I guess this is what separates me from you, huh Tavi?" Vinyl chuckled. "I have friends, you don't, I have a great life, and yours sucks! Right? Yeah, your life sucks."
"SHUT UP!" Octavia yelled (at herself), throwing a mane dryer at the mirror, shattering it. Octavia slammed her hoof down on the counter, jamming a small shard into her hoof. "AH!" Octavia gasped, quickly pulling out the shard, and rinsing her hoof in the sink.
"I can prove myself to you, Vinyl." Octavia groaned furiously. For some reason, she felt like the fact that she'd lost Vinyl meant that she'd also lost the honor and meaning in her life. Any normal mare could see that she was going crazy.
Was it the lack of power? She didn't care, all she knew is she wanted more of it. She wanted to prove to Vinyl that she could handle Vinyl's career by herself, without Vinyl's help like she'd yelled at her after she burned down her DJ set.
It was only a matter of time before Octavia snapped. And it'd only been day 2 since their separation.
Why the sudden rush to end this? And Octavia's mother seems to just randomly appear? Also Vinyl and Tavi just make up almost instantly and all their problems are gone. I recommend that you read over your previous chapters and maybe write some plot notes. Then you should have a better idea of it overall which will lead to a much more satisfying ending. Take out the long lost mother and find a new way for them to realise that they are better as a musical duo than separate. Draw out the tension of them fighting more so that the reunion scene is more heart melting.
I try to never discourage young writers and with some re-working, this could be a good deal better. It's not a hopeless case alright so just keep learning about writing and you'll be fine.
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Thanks for the advice! I apologize for being in such a hurry to end this. I might come back to it soon and polish up the last chapter like you said. I was in such a hurry to end this because I wanted to start work on my new story, which is a huge re-write of previous stories I wrote back when I had a very faint idea of how to write. I'm sure anyone who likes a good romance story with a couple twists, turns, and tweaks here and there will enjoy my this next story.
ok seriously if my mother left me like octy's did and my father commited suicied because of it I would not have taken her coming back the way she did too lightly
I mean no disrespect, lord knows I can't right half this good, but I think a little bit more detail is needed. While reading through It, I can't help but feel that something is missing...
You know, it's kinda sad the only reason I know of the believe in magic bit, is because of the pyro promo thing.