• Member Since 16th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen Oct 7th, 2014

Midnight Galaxy


I am a writer, I write things other than mlp fanfiction, but this is what I am currently focusing on.

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A young pegasus foal is left alone in this world. Not knowing who or where is parents might be, he sets off in search. He blindly runs into a trade company captain and is now in for a whole new world. As his skills increase, so does the danger. He has friends, but not the kind you'd think. Will you join him on his epic adventure.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 14 )

4008765 He's saying no, he will not join Mr. Gary Stu/Mr. Self Insert on his epic adventure.

You know dude, it might be best of you write stories with canon characters and not throw in any self-inserts into the mix since so far each one of your stories aren't getting any good reviews. Like always, you have a respectable word count of 2k or more words per chapter, but the Gary/Mary Sue characters are causing major damage to your reviews.:trixieshiftright:

Don't get me wrong, I created an OC of myself; but never bothered to put him in a story. I even have a picture, and yes I made myself a blank flank::ajsleepy:
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I just can't find a good reason to put him in because what purpose would he serve? Probably none, so I'm playing it safe by not writing a story that revolves around or features him without a credible role to play.:duck:
That's sort of my theory for a impressive Gary/Mary Sue story.:twilightblush:

I wish you well on future stories:twilightsmile:

Very good start for a great story. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: Write more!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage:

4009112 Thank you very much :moustache: I am working on the next chapter, hopefully by the end of this week or next week I can get then next one done.

4009060 I've been thinking about doing that, but I'm not entirely sure which character/s I want to use. I stay with my OCs to avoid portraying a cannon character wrong or with the wrong personality. But I will give it some thought.

Carl!

Clara

Captain Amelia

COLIN!

Ol' Hob

Seriously this story is just a badly ponified pirate story. The various descriptions and interractions don't seems to depict ponies on a boat, but peoples. The name of the cast is human-like for EVERYONE except the MC parents ( Fleethoof and Iron Wings ).

Scrap it, name everyone accordingly and reworks the descriptions better than that to make it more immersive and believable.

4134099 Thank you for the comment. This story is just a first draft, I will edit it accordingly when it is finished. I have difficulty creating names in general, and even more so for pony names. I will be editing that when I complete the story.

I usually enjoy sailing stories, but this one just comes across as generic. It's not horrible, but it's not outstanding. Somebody else already mentioned the issue with names, but the real problem is that I don't find it believable. You've mentioned a helm and a compass, but sailing is so much more than that.

I would highly recommend you read Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson, or even the ocean crossing part of The Wars by Timothy Findley. Let me know how your characters feel about their living conditions, and not just as a passing note. When you're stuck on a 150-foot block of wood for months and months, the details are everything. I would suggest you spend a few weeks on a schooner or even as a dock hand if you ever get a chance. Original characters aren't a bad thing in and of themselves, but make sure they're actually original. Sailors are really interesting people. Actually, people in general are interesting, but it's difficult to reflect it in writing.

4148214 Thank you for the advice. I would love to be able to spend time on a ship. I have only been sailing once in my lifetime, and it was only on a small sail boat. It is hard trying to write this part of the story because I haven't been on a ship for an extended amount of time. Another note as well, this is just the beginning of the story too. I will do my best to work on those details. Thank you for your suggestions. They will be put to good use :D

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