Silent Guilt

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When one pony does right, does she still deserve to live with the guilt? How can anyone else know of what your going through, if they don't understand.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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TheStarsGuide

TheStarsGuide #1 · Mar 24th, 2012 · · ·

This was certainly interesting. I love how you made it start as a different character then suddenly switched it to Applejack. There were a few typos here and there that I found, though.

"I DON’T! WANT! TO! GO!" Applejacks punctuates every word with a stop of her hoof on the floor.
In this sentence, you put an "s" after Applejack, and "stop" should be stomp.

"I'm scared Twilight."
Here, you should place a comma after scared and before Twilight. When you have someone say someone's name, generally in this format, you always put a comma. So, it would like this: "I'm scared, Twilight."

"It wasn't your fault, you should be proud to do what you did"
You forgot the period at the end (inside of the quotation marks of course.)

I DONT WANT TO DIE, STOP REMINDING ME. IM SCARED. I DON'T WANT TO DIE.
Forgot to put an apostrophe ' in "DONT" and "IM."

"Is everything ok? I heard screaming!"
"It's ok, I'm not mad. As long as your ok."

In both of these, you should spell out the "OK." Generally you write it as "Okay" (or in mid-sentence, "okay.")

GET OUT OF MY HEAD. LEAVE ME. I CANT HANDLE IT
Another apostrophe forgotten: "CANT" should have one between the N and T.

Now, I hope you don't take my corrections sorely as I am merely polishing up what you have. I rather enjoyed this since it is quite different compared to most stories that I've read.

I wish you luck on any future works,

StarsGuide

Renzoric

Renzoric #2 · Mar 24th, 2012 · · ·

Much appreciated StarsGuide. I've gone through and added those corrections.

Thank you. I'm happy that you took the time to show me some of the errors, as well as enjoyed the story.

-Brutus

-Brutus #3 · Mar 24th, 2012 · · ·

This was good short read, Ill rate it up. You deserve it :).

Twerl

Twerl #4 · Mar 24th, 2012 · · ·

Good work, I usually don't read fics this short, but this was absolutely worth it.

the_panic

the_panic #5 · Mar 24th, 2012 · · ·

I'm going to be honest, I had a bit of a hard time following what was going on. Someone found a guy dead, and then AJ is upset about Rainbow for some reason... It was well-written but I just couldn't completely follow the story.

Prince Laviere